Two verses from Acts 3

I've been rather neglectful of a number of things in my life recently. I've been intellectually, spiritually, physically and creatively lazy over the past few months. This is nothing new - and it tends to coincide with dips in form in my struggles. This in turn creates tension in my marriage, putting more pressure on my inability to overcome my baser desires and intentional forgetfulness. That in turn, makes me a bit depressed and I turn to my well worn stress relievers putting more tension on my marriage and the carousel continues to spin faster and faster, sucking me in deeper and deeper to the middle and everything seems to get worse and worse. And so on and so on. But, if I push through and am not intellectually, physically, creatively or most importantly, spiritually lazy than none of this happens. Mistakes are still made, but these are incidents rather than cycles.

I often work in platitudes or hastily announced, unachievable goals. This drives my wife insane and sets me up for failure. I'm trying not to do this again. I've ran or worked out the last three days, finished another book (40 of my 60 goal this year) and read some from Acts last night. I'm hoping to just make incremental progress this week and work on creating a more virtuous circle rather than getting sucked into the aforementioned negative merry-go-round. But - as you can see, that last sentence is rather close to a hastily announced, unachievable goal. Is it my own personal jargon? Who am I announcing these platitudes towards? I think I'm only saying them to ease my own unrest. But, I digress.

I read the first three chapters of Acts last night after finishing The Symposium by Plato and reading 20 pages of Ulysses by Joyce. It took me nearly a month to finish the Plato piece (which marks my intellectual laziness as of late). It will take me longer to finish Joyce (which is because it's a gargantuan 700 plus pages and difficult to read). But, two verses stood out to me from Acts 3.

Acts 3:16

"It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him".

I'm not sure that I'm ready or willing to call my self-inflicted frustrations a disease. It's more of an issue of will. But, there is definitely some healing that needs to take place in me. Whether it is biological or spiritual in nature is a question of semantics. There is something broken inside of me. And it struck me that my spiritual laziness is leading me to reject complete healing. What also struck me about this verse is that faith comes through Jesus. In order for man to have faith it must come through Jesus. It isn't a strength of a man reaching out to Jesus, but rather Jesus preceding the faith that the man can have. So I prayed for that faith that comes only through Jesus last night and I echo that prayer again today.

Acts 3:26

"When God raised up His servant, He sent him first to bless you by turning each of you from your wicked ways".

My struggles are my struggles. They have impacted my social life, my career life, my physical life to an extent, my spiritual life and my love life. To be blunt, they have sucked. Yet, I derive a weird pleasure while going through them. I know it's wrong but I do it anyway for the moments of escape they provide. However, this verse jumped out at me because I never thought of getting out of these struggles as a blessing. I just figured when I grew out of this struggle that I could return to a sort of base line normalcy. I now see it - when I am turned by Jesus from my wicked way, I won't be returning to some base line normalcy, but an elevated state of being blessed.

365 Day Bible Catch Up Psalms 6 - 10

Psalm 6

Lord teach me to pray this fervently. I don't know if I have ever prayed so hard as David did in this moment. I know I have been worn out from groaning in certain situations and I have lifted prayers to you in my times of need, but have I really ever prayed so deeply as this? I should because you hear.

6:9 "The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.

Psalm 7

Psalm 7 warns us of what happens when you do evil.

7:14 - "He who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment"
7:16 - "The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head"

Evil never prospers. It always bites us in the end. 7:14 is especially poignant and telling. Conceiving of schemes that are troublesome gives birth to an experience when you discover that what you were thinking of ends up not nearly being as good as you initially thought. How true is that? Lord, clear the evil from me so that I am not in the birth pangs of disillusionment.

Psalm 8

8:2 "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger". When you see a child praising God it reminds you of what life should be like. Children speak frankly (when brought up right) about God and their faith is the faith that Jesus praises. It silences the enemies of God. God could thunderbolt and rage and accomplish this silence, yet it is through the voice of children that he chooses to silence his foes. How humbling.

Psalm 9

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed and a stronghold in times of trouble? (v8) Why? Because those who know your name will trust in you because you have never forsaken those who seek you. (v9) On the flip side, those that don't know your name won't trust you because they haven't seen your steadfastness.

9:15 echoes 7:14 & 7:16. "The nations have fallen into the pit they have dug; their feet are caught in the net they have hidden". The trouble has recoiled.

While the wicked are ensnared and perishing and having their memory wiped from the earth, the needy will not be forgotten (9:18).

Psalm 10

Psalm 10:4 is a perfect explanation of why pride is so harmful to man. "In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God". Lord, let me not be this proud man. Let me always make room for you.

Psalm 10 has one of those 'difficult verses' 10:15 "Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out". How do we reconcile a loving God with one that would break the arm of a man? Well, that's for another time to discuss. While typing this I realized just how scary this verse is. "Call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out". How much iniquity is done in secret that no man could ever know? But, God knows. Lord, forgive me of the sins I have done in secret. Hear my prayer and forgive me.

365 Day Bible 5

365 Day Bible Day 5 (25 days late, need to speed up)

Genesis 11 - 13:4

The Tower of Babel has always fascinated me. I wondered why God was so concerned with man making a great tower or city. I guess in reading it it's the men's intentions and purposes for building it - to make a name for themselves that is the great sin. But, God confused their speech and the people spread out.

Again we have a genealogy of people living huge amounts of time. Shem, 500 years; Arphaxad, 403 years; Shelah, 403 years; Eber, 430 years; Peleg, 209 years; Reu, 207 years; Serug, 200 years; Nahor, 119 years. I know that whether or not these are actual dates are of no real consequence to the salvation that comes through Jesus Christ via Abraham, but it baffles me nonetheless. Nahor then was the father of Terah and Terah the father of Abraham.

Abraham (and his nephew Lot) were from Ur of the Chaldeans. Abraham (named Abram at the moment) married Sarai, a barren woman. Terah (who lived to 205 years old) took his sons, including Abram and his nephew Lot on a journey to Canaan, but stopped in Haran. Why?

God then speaks to Abram in chapter 12 and promises him a blessing. Abram heeds the call and took along Lot to go to Canaan when he was 75 years old. Abram kept moving, kept hearing from God and kept listening, building altars to the Lord along the way.

Abram went down to Egypt during a time of famine and had Sarai lie to everyone and say that she was his sister. Through this lie Abram wasn't killed and acquired wealth. But when the Lord inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Sarai, Abram was told to get up and leave. Abram traveled some more and settled in between Bethel and Ai and called on the name of the Lord.

Matthew 5:1-26 (The Beatitudes)

The first 12 verses read like a list I need to pray daily. Teach me to be poor in spirit, to be meek, to hunger and thirst for righteousness, to be merciful, to be pure in heart, to be a peacemaker.

5:6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled". How cool is that? If you take the time to aim yourself towards righteousness God will make sure that you get there.

5:8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Lord, I need purification in my heart because I don't always see you.

The salt part suddenly scares me. If salt loses its saltiness though it's of no use. It can only be thrown out and trampled by men. That's again seeing Jesus in not a whimsy-flimsy sort of light that often he gets portrayed as.

5:20 "For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven". Again, Jesus is preaching about righteousness. What is this righteousness he is preaching?

What are we to make of Jesus' thoughts on the Law? Nothing will disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Does the resurrection accomplish everything?

5:21-26 bears out what Christ says about the blessed. Blessed are the meek, the merciful and the peacemakers. Those who aren't meek, merciful or a peacemaker will suffer the judgment he talks about in these verses.

Psalm 5

Some of Psalm 5 has those difficult verses with David calling for men to be called guilty by God and for them to have a downfall and be banished from God. But as always this is tempered with a call for God to protect those who take refuge in Him.

Verse 3 stands out to me. "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation". This is my prayer Lord, that I learn to pray like this. Teach me to have faith enough to lay my requests at your feet and wait in expectation.

Proverbs 1:24-28

Wow, here again we have a difficult verse. Lord, teach me not to reject your calls, your discipline so that I am not so far gone that you will not answer when I do call.

Smith of Wootton Major & Farmer Giles of Ham

I just finished Smith of Wootton Major & Farmer Giles of Ham by J.R.R. Tolkien and really fancied it, especially Farmer Giles of Ham.

In Smith, I really enjoyed the description of the morality of the villagers. "A fair number of folk lived in it, good, bad, and mixed, as is usual" (Tolkien, 9). I just like the simple, yet enlightening description. I like the folksy language that Tolkien uses throughout the two stories.

"Some found one, and some found two, and several found none; for that is the way luck goes, whether there is a doll with a wand on the cake or not" (Tolkien, 20). I like this description of luck. It struck me to think about the arbitrary nature of pure chance, written out in simplistic terms.

"But later in long journeys he had seen things of both beauty and terror that he could not clearly remember nor report to his friends, though he knew that they dwelt deep in his heart. But some things he did not forget, and they remained in his mind as wonders and mysteries that he often recalled" (Tolkien, 26). This is a good description of mysticism that I would like to emulate somewhere in my stories.

The interaction between Alf and Nokes on pages 55-56 is a great description of meeting someone of great religious import (Alf) and then rearranging the circumstances in one's own mind so as to be naturally skeptical (Nokes). In some people there is no chance of recognizing truth no matter how plainly it appears to them. Faith is something internal and those devoid of its capacity will reinvent their own history to intentionally misunderstand it. Tolkien's approach devastatingly shows this in the short little passage.

While most of my notes have been on Smith of Wootton Major, I enjoyed reading Farmer Giles of Ham more than the the former. I like the idea of forcing a dragon to do things against its will and the idea of a farmer and commoner overcoming the powerful king. I also like the idea of the Little Kingdom - I think it speaks volumes of what today's "non-elite" can do. Also, it speaks volumes of what the elite (the knights in the story) are unwilling or incapable of doing. In today's society of palpable class divisions in America, it is a triumphant story of the lowly being able to rise above the elite in spite of circumstances and wealth difference. Farmer Giles may have been lucky and unwilling to go his destiny, but even in his unwillingness he ended up doing it. With luck, even those who are apprehensive can overcome massive odds and rise above and thus be subversive to a system stacked against one - it is a triumphant story!

This notion of overcoming the unfair system is a stark contrast to the current situations in Baltimore, a place I nominally claim as a birthplace, though I am truly suburban in my own mind. That said, I have a great affinity for Baltimore. But, even in a place that may have the odds stacked against the lower classes, it is my strongest belief that those willing to work within the system that anyone, regardless of social status can overcome the system to rise to the top. The only difference between those who do not overcome a system stacked against them and those that rise above it is there willingness to work. Farmer Giles had no business getting his hands on the Tailbiter. But, the brute fact of the matter is that he did. With it he was able to amass his wealth and power. He got the Tailbiter because swords had fallen out of fashion with the elite and it was given to him as it might fit someone provincial as it was no longer loved in the elite. Today, there are so many chances afforded to everyone, regardless of class. If only those in the lower classes would grasp at what is afforded to them, they too can threaten and tame dragons. And in doing so, they can carve themselves their own little kingdoms.  While luck may play a part, as it did for Farmer Giles, no amount of luck would have behooved this mere provincial if he hadn't seized it. So let us seize our luck and if it fails, let us seize it again. 

Godly Sorrow

Um, duh. Kinda missed the godly word in my reading. It's right there in 2 Corinthians 7:11.

"See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter"

So what is Godly sorrow? It's an awareness of our own sins. The ungodly don't have to worry about their moral shortcomings because it doesn't matter to them. But those who are striving to be godly and live a life that is pleasing to God must constantly assess their lives and root out the sin in them. When we sin we should feel this godly sorrow so that this sorrow can lead to repentance. Since godliness is a foundational attribute that I am seeking out, the natural expression of godliness when I go against the will of God ought to be sorrow, horror and indignation at my mistake. Lord, I ask you to forgive me of my multitude of sins. I am humbly seeking you Lord for answers. Forgive me and help me to walk with you. Help me to cease to do what is evil and learn to do what is good.

Sorrow & Repentance

In continuing the search for godliness I cam to both 2 Corinthians chapter 1 and chapter 7 but the word 'godly' wasn't in either one. I was confused in reading Chapter 1, mainly because I was looking for the specific word and missed much of the message, but in Chapter 7 I gleaned a couple of things.

"Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death" (2 Corinthians 7:8-10).

The difference between being sorry in the world and sorry in Christ is twofold. Being sorry in the world's terms leaves one feeling regret and on the road to death. But being sorry in Christ brings about repentance and salvation. In my recent struggles with alcohol I could easily be sorry because of the way my drinking has affected things externally. But in taking the approach of tackling it by going for God I do not go down the path of regret, but down the one to repentance and salvation. Hear my prayer God. I repent to you of my sin. I feel sorrow for the pain I've inflicted, especially on my wife. Lead me not into temptation and help me to stay on the straight path to you. Help me find godliness (and another passage that actually has the term in it). Amen.

Godly in Acts 8

In continuing to understand what it means to be godly I've come to the next instance in the Bible, Acts 8.

"Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him" (Acts 8:2).

This doesn't tell us a whole deal about godliness, so I backed up to Acts 6 & 7 and read about Stephen.

Stephen was a man full of God's grace and power (Acts 6:8). Many leaders of the Jews rose up in opposition to him, but "They could not stand up against the wisdom the Spirit gave him" (6:10). So to get Stephen in trouble they lied about him and Stephen wound up in front of the Sanhedrin for trial.

In chapter 7 Stephen gave an account of the History of Israel and how it led to the people always turning their backs on God and his prophets up to the killing of Jesus. He calls out to them "You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit!" (Acts 7:51).

The Sanhedrin stoned Stephen and yet Stephen saw God as he was being murdered. In the end, he followed Christ's example and asked the Father not to hold his murderers accountable for the sin they were committing. That is exact godliness. That is Christ-like in all that it can be.

So, Chapter 8 begins with Saul's persecution of the Church. With persecution breaking out against the Christians in Jerusalem, the apostles are scattered. But, "Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him" (Acts 8:2). It's apparent that Stephen was godly as testified in the account of his death. But, I had to dig a bit deeper into some commentaries to understand why those who buried him were godly.

According to David Guzik's commentary, the godly men who buried Stephen and lamented over his death were breaking Jewish law as it was against the Law to mourn for someone who was executed. This shows that these men were breaking with custom to be God-like rather than religious. They felt sorrow for the loss of Stephen and remorse for him being killed. A godly lesson from this is to do what is right in God's eyes, rather than following custom or tradition.

From this little reading I have this prayer: Lord, help me to continue to learn what it is to be godly so that my character can be built up in your image. Also help me to not be like the Sanhedrin and always resist the Holy Spirit. Give me the grace of Stephen to forgive as Christ forgave. Grow me closer to you so that your Spirit may move through me freely.

God listens to the godly man

In continuing my quest I read John 9, the next occurrence of some form of the word 'godly' in the Scriptures. I posted in my last blurb about the dangers of trying to abstract some philosophy or theology from a particular passage when the person who interacted with Jesus simply believed and that was good enough for him. It should be good enough for us. But, I came to John 9 to find out more about godliness. The word godly occurs in verse 31.

"We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will" (John 9:31).

Again, we find a command and a promise in understanding God, albeit in a slightly different wording. The promise is that God listens to the godly man. The command is doing God's will. So in understanding what it means to be godly we know that we must do God's will. In return for doing God's will He will listen to us.

From this section we learn a little bit more about what it means to be godly. First, it means to do the will of God. Second, we learn that God listens to the godly man. We also learn a little bit about godliness based on who God doesn't listen to. God doesn't listen to sinners. So a godly man is one who does the will of God and is not a sinner. Lord, help me to refrain from sin and to do your will. Show me what your will is so that I can do it. Treat me like the blind man. I am asking Who is he so that I may believe in Him. Hear my prayer my Lord. Bend my will to yours. I want desperately to be godly.

What does the one God Seek?

In continuing my study on what Godliness is I've started with a concordance and gone to where the word "godly" or "godliness" occurs in the Scriptures. The first instance is Malachi 2:15:

"Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth."

For some context I read the whole of Malachi. It talks about the faithless who have married women devoted to foreign gods. It talks about returning to God and Him promising to return to the Israelites. Since, godliness requires a full devotion to God, foreign gods cannot be tolerated. It talks about the sacrifices the Israelites were giving to God were not pure (lame, blind, blemished animals).

Through Malachi God poses a few good questions. First, he asks, "If I am a father, where is the honor due me?" (Malachi 1:6). Since God made us, we belong to him in body and spirit. We must be devoted to Him fully because we are His. This is the foundational aspect of godliness, being devoted to Him. If we are devoted to Him as a father, we must therefore honor Him. So in response to God's question I pray, Lord you are my father and help me to do all that is honorable to you. Keep me from temptations that would bring dishonor to you and in the face of temptations help me to be strong to overcome them.

The second question posed in Malachi is actually a response to God's assertion. God states, "Return to me and I will return to you, says the Lord Almighty" (Malachi 3:7). The writer then states, "How are we to return?"

This is the question I am asking. How am I to return? How am I to be godly?

God responds with a question and a declaration. The Israelites have been robbing God by not bringing their whole tithe to Him. "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house" (Malachi 3:10). So to return to God is to give the whole tithe to God. To return to God is to give Him all that is asked of us. To be godly is to Give to God what He is owed. Since I belong to Him in body and spirit, I offer all of me to Him. Hear my prayer God and accept my offering of myself.

Malachi 3:10 is both instructions and a promise. It's funny how God often links these together. He instructs us to do something and promises a great outcome. Give to God the whole tithe and He will "throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it".

God you are the one God, who created us. You are the Father and I have been robbing you. Accept now my whole tithe. So, what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. As a child of God, I seek to be that. I seek to be a godly offspring.

What is godliness?

In my last post I said that I would start studying what it is to be godly because of the call to godliness in 1 Timothy 4. If I am going to train myself to be godly I sort of need to know what that end is. So, I first did a topical search of "godly" and "godliness" to find out where it's located in the Bible only to find a scant number of references. I'll research each one of these thoroughly, use different translations and hit up some commentaries as well to do a deeper research on it. But, I'm also going to do the 21st century thing to and research online and get some quick answers. Additionally I'll do the old fashioned thing of reading some books. Hopefully this three pronged attack will help me to learn what godliness is, how to train for it and how to achieve it.

But, the first little google search came up from https://bible.org/article/what-godliness and I found it to be a good start. I'm going to quote it some and then I'll paraphrase it some. Then I'll try and get some application out of it to.

The article illuminates the importance of godliness, in spite of very few Biblical references that use the exact term. It states that "No higher compliment can be paid to a Christian than to call him a godly person." It states that "it is both the privilege and duty of every Christian to pursue godliness, to train himself to be godly, to study diligently the practice of godliness". Fantastic. This is what I want. I want to be godly - I want to study it diligently. Hence, this exercise. But, the definition of godliness is a difficult one, sort of like a game. Try defining that sometime with any precision.

Godliness, it goes on to state is a foundational spiritual attribute. It is a foundation from which all godly character is built on. These again are of course things that I want, things that I need. To overcome some of my character flaws I need them to be replaced with positive ones. To become a better Christian I need to have a firm foundation. But, still the definition is a bit hazy. It just doesn't seem like a tangible thing that I can reach out for. It's not something I can really build a training regime towards.

But, then the page talks about Enoch and gets a bit more specific. Things become a bit clearer. Godliness is a relationship with God, pleasing God, walking with God. These three things combined equal a devotion to God. Devotion then is the meaning of godliness. But, devotion isn't a mere activity. Rather, devotion is an attitude towards God. "The practice of godliness is an exercise or discipline that focuses upon God." Devotion to God is repurposing one's life to center on God. This is a little more tangible - something that I can shoot for. "Godliness is more than Christian character: it is Christian Character that springs from a devotion to God".

So, what then does devotion look like practically? Devotion is a motivation for Christian behavior that is pleasing to God. Devotion is a relationship with God, pleasing with God and walking with God. It's being like Enoch (so a study on Enoch is obviously forthcoming).

Interestingly, though I found a bit in the page that shows where devotion can go wrong. There are lots of Christians that are devoted to certain aspects of God or of godly living. This can hamper true devotion as it will take one's mind off of God - kind of like missing the forest for the trees. So devotion, if it is to lead to godliness must be a devotion wholly to God, not to an aspect of Him or His ministry. Godliness then can be defined as the devotion to God which results in a life that is pleasing to Him.

Also interesting in this little page was a delineation between a godly person, a moral person and a benevolent person. A moral person does the things that are moral for the sake of morality. A benevolent person does benevolent things for the sake of benevolence. A godly person though, does moral things and benevolent things because they are godly. Godliness is always the end. Morality and benevolence are good things, just not ends to themselves.

So, it is a bit better defined for me, but where do I start? Godliness starts from cultivating a relationship with God. That is tangible enough for me

Train yourself to be godly

In searching for the part of Scripture about weak and strong faiths and how they lead believers to either enjoy or abstain from foods I came across 1 Timothy 4, before finding the passage in Romans I was looking for. A couple things came across to me immediately.

1 Timothy 4:4-5 "For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer."

This quickly gives me hope that I can overcome the alcohol problem and after awhile be able to receive the gifts of God with thanksgiving through consecration by prayer. Prayer is not a strong suit for me, but I'm hoping that keeping up this blog will increase my prayer life. In essence, while it covers numerous other topics, it is a collection of prayers to God. I hope to receive everything from God with thanksgiving. This is my prayer for what my future holds.

But, the alcohol angle of my prayer life will hopefully be fleeting and transient. I hope I don't have to concentrate on this subject matter for an extended point of time. The exhortation I see in later is something entirely different. "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come" (I Timothy 4:7-8).

I'm going to ignore the "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales" part for a moment. I hope that this isn't an exhortation to ignore philosophy or other things I have interest in. But, I am going to focus on training myself to be godly. What does that mean exactly?

To be honest, I haven't exactly figured it out. So, what I'll do is simply study everywhere the Scriptures uses the word "godly" or "godliness" and build from there. I'll study the text and try and figure out how to make it practically applicable to my life.

Draw The Circle - Write It Down

"The shortest pencil is longer than the longest memory" (Batterson, 37). The Draw The Circle seems to hit on some of the things I've been struggling with. I want to journal, but I lack discipline. That's why I'm praying for this discipline. The encouragement I'm getting from this book seems to hit the buttons that I'm searching for. Journaling, Batterson writes, is a way for one to look back at the prayers you offer to God and see how He moves in your life. That's pretty cool and he also mentions that by keeping a fairly detailed journal you get to go back and see where you can give God the glory for answering your prayers. That's a good goal. That's what I'm praying here now Lord. Keep me faithful to you, keep me faithful to praying and keep me faithful to journaling so that I can see your footprints in my life as I go back and reread some of these posts.

The timeliness that God has with His word in my life is pretty impressive. It always has been and was illustrated tonight yet again. This timeliness is one of the reasons that I have such a strong belief (even if I can't always say that I'm true to the faith that He extends) in Him and why I have never really had strong doubts of His existence or His goodness. Just today I was fretting about money and not making enough of it and lo and behold in Day 5 of Draw The Circle the author tells a story of a woman who was seeking her dream and asking God what to do. She eventually jumped at it and became successful by, and I'm paraphrasing here but it was a good line, working hard like that was the only thing that would make it happen and praying hard like the prayer was the only way her dream would come true. I never really liked the tone of God helps those who help themselves because it sounds like a mantra political hijacker of faith. But, working like it all depends on you and praying like it all depends on God does have a more faith-like ring to it without the coldness of the aforementioned statement. But, on to the timeliness of God.

It's not Day 5 of our trek through this book. We should have been about a week further but my traveling and our work schedules but us behind. Today I opened up about my frustrations with money and my career on a deeper level than normal. And lo and behold God's timeliness shines through again. Of course it could be chalked up to coincidence or the fact that most devotional eventually broach this topic. But, the chasm that seems to always split the believers and the faithless is their vantage point. A believer that has encountered God on a personal level, however deep, that has resulted in that soul being redeemed by the blood of Christ has at their advantage a higher vantage point from which to see the world. Those that have yet encountered God or worse, rejected Him can therefore never see from such a high vantage point. The timeliness of God's personalized messages seems but mere chance or maybe a psychological crutch to feel like there is a God out there to some, but to those who have experienced with God know that we are the only ones free to walk without crutches, as we are led by the hand of God Himself.

Draw The Circle - Amazing Things

In Day three of Mark Batterson's book Draw the Circle he titles the prayer challenge as "Amazing Things". On day two he talked about trusting God because He is great, not just great at the big things, but great because He cares about the little things. But He cares about Amazing Things as well. The Amazing Things though are the things that God has in store for us. Batterson points out the part in Joshua where the Lord commands Joshua to consecrate himself, "for the Lord will do amazing things among you" (Joshua 3:5).

The word consecrate means to set apart or to make holy. Usually today we think of it when something is made sacred like a church or a cemetery. The idea of consecrating oneself is hard and ties into the difficulty I have with this particular prayer, the difficulty being that its hard to do and not that I disagree with it. The issue at hand is my pride, my ego. It's hard to give up things to consecrate myself, to dedicate myself wholly to God. I think it's gotten harder now as I've gotten older. I think ten years ago I could've just thrown myself at the feet of God when I felt Him calling me to do something. I might not have had the discipline or dedication to stick with the project He had called me to, but I feel I was more willing. As I've gotten older and become relatively more accomplished (not that I'm a superstar extraordinaire) I've become more prideful and full of myself. It's hard, when I'm even in tune enough to hear His calls, to abandon myself, my ambitions, my plans and follow His.

Batterson talks about this time he was in a Cleveland airport early in the morning and that this particular flight had made him miss his normal prayer time with his church. Then he felt God calling him to kneel down and pray right then and there. He talked about how the prayer with his church on every morning at 7:14 had become such an integral part of his life that when he missed it, on days like the day he was in the Cleveland airport that he felt pangs to pray like you feel hunger. I desire that prayer routine to be so embedded in my life that when I miss it I feel literal hunger. But, I don't know if I'm humble enough to hear God tell me to drop to my knees and pray in public and follow through. Batterson also stated that a little of his ego died that day. That scared me. I want the hunger to pray, but do I really want to make the sacrifice of myself to get it?

Throughout today's devotion he basically reiterated what I intellectually know and understand, that being the more I give myself to God the more He gives His self to me. I know it. I want that. But, my pride seems to cling on to bits of who I am - even the bits I don't particularly like about me. I don't think I cling to the parts of my personality that I'm not really fond of or that are blatantly sinful because I'm in a mood to rebel against the commandments of God. I think I cling to them because they are mine. It's a pride thing, but also a selfishness. It's also a fear of the future, a fear of the process. It's complacency.

So in praying with Erin tonight she prayed for me what I had asked (to get God's help with my pride, and for me to get to the point where I hunger to pray to God). Prayer has never been my strong suit in my Christian walk. I can read the Word, read commentaries on the Word, listen to sermons and lectures and do charitable things with relative ease. But, when it comes to praying I just don't do it as regularly as I'd like or as I should. So I genuinely want to hunger to pray. Erin's prayer on this was fine. But, when she answered my request on stripping away my pride and ego she prayed to God that He would take out his long sword and slash my ego away. It made me shudder a bit. It is the prayer that I want. I want to humble myself before God and let go of who I am so that He can mold me into who I am supposed to be. I even imagine that much of who I am will be who I will be and the parts I don't particularly like about the current state of me will be stripped away in God's molding, but I'd rather him mold with a spoon than a long sword. Even so, Lord you heard my wife's prayer and it is with a strong trepidation that I pray you answer her petition.

In the end Batterson made a good point about exchanging who we are with God to who He wants us to be. If we give to God of ourselves, He gives of Himself. We will exchange our sins for the righteousness of Christ. That isn't a bad trade, but it's still a hard one. I ask you now Lord to make me willing and soften my heart. Break my pride and help me relinquish my demanding of being in charge of who I am. Make me into who you want me to be.

I Corinthians 13 - Thoughts

I Corinthians 13 is a commonly read passage during weddings. The definition of love as patient, kind, without envy or boasting, being not proud or rude or self-seeking, its ability to withstand anger and its lack of keeping records of wrong and its delight in truth not evil is known by Christians and non-Christians alike who have attended weddings recently. We know that Paul writes that Love protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres and that Love never fails. I mentioned though that there is a verse in here that scares me in a couple of posts ago.

I Corinthians 1:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

It scares me because I have ostensibly become a man, but have not put all my childish ways behind me. I still reason and think like a child sometimes. Often when I have done something wrong I respond to it in a childish way: lying, denying, covering it up, etc. It scares me because I have taken on the mantle of manhood (marriage especially) without getting fully over the hump of my childish ways.

I had to look up the verse because I couldn't remember the reference. So after I posted my thoughts in the Augustine post I reread the whole chapter and while I'm still scared of my inadequacies as a man and fear I will once again revert to childish logic in the wake of my mistakes, the verse appears less horrifying in the context and actually somewhat comforting.

I Corinthians 1:9-12 "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known".

I still have much work to do to put my childish ways behind me, but I can comfortably echo Paul's sentiment. I do know in part now and I can put my hope in that when perfection comes the imperfect will disappear. I see but a poor reflection of God now, but I can put my hope in that I will one day see face to face my God and King. I know bits of God now, but I can put my hope in that I shall know fully. And when perfection comes "these three remain: faith, hope and love".

Putting away the childish things of my past indiscretions is scary. I know myself and fear I will repeat my past mistakes. But I can take comfort that as long as I seek first the Kingdom of God that opportunity will come chasing me from God. I know bits of God now; I will know more bits later until eventually I shall know fully. Seeking first the kingdom of God, Lord help me stay in your Word.

Draw The Circle - Get Ready

Draw the Circle starts out with Cornelius praying to God regularly. The first sentence convicts me because I don't pray to God with any sense of regularity. The story comes from Acts 10. Since Batterson's theme for the Day is Get Ready I'm trying to get myself ready. I am ready but I don't know how committed I am - not that I don't want to be committed, just that I don't have the discipline to always follow through on my commitments. I'm praying for discipline.

Batterson uses fairly typical modern church language, i.e. "And when you pray to God regularly, irregular things happen on a regular basis" (Batterson, 15). I have to fight the cynicism that naturally creeps up in it. Since my wife and I are doing this devotion together I have to redouble my efforts to keep her from following me down my natural inclination. The message is good, but it sounds very much pastoral, not in a good way, but in a Youth Pastor type of way that comes off as cheesy sound bytes after a game of laser tag at the Lock-In. That's my cynicism coming out. I'm praying for discipline. I'm praying to get out of the seat of mockers. Flowery language aside I am praying that God will take us (my wife and I) places we cannot even imagine. I want to get ready.

"If you establish a prayer routine, your life will be anything but routine... You don't need to seek opportunity. All you have to do is seek God. And if you seek God, opportunity will seek you" (Batterson, 19). Rhetorical games aside, I do in fact, chase opportunity. I might not always see my chase through to the logical conclusion, stopping either out of realization that the opportunity is a trap, getting sidetracked by another opportunity or becoming bored by the chase, but I chase opportunity nonetheless. I don't always seek God. I want to though. I want to seek Him. In that I need patience. I need discipline. I'm praying for discipline. Speaking of rhetorical games, I'm noticing I fall into patterns as well. My cynicism is hypocritical as well.

Batterson tells us that we must seek first his Kingdom; do God's will God's way. That is obviously biblical. I heard it in my sleep all last night - children singing "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" in round fashion. Thank you Psalty the Singing Song Book! I mean this both sarcastically and honestly. The song won't leave my head, which is a bit annoying. But alleluia! His words are written on my heart, even when my flesh belies it.

What I came away from this devotional is that I do desperately want to seek first the Kingdom of God. But, when Erin and I prayed last night I asked that she pray for me to know what seeking first the Kingdom of God looked like in my life practically. I want to get ready. I want to be ready. I pray the patience and discipline to be ready when he calls. I pray to know what seeking first the Kingdom of God looks like and that I have the wherewithal to do it.

On a side note in this passage it makes me think a little theologically. Not that I'm an expert, nor that it is important but I question the statement "If you're a non-Jewish follower of Jesus, your spiritual genealogy traces back to this genesis moment" (Batterson, 16), referring to Peter's role in the salvation of Cornelius.

My questions arise from the passage in Acts 10 itself. It begins with stating that Cornelius and his whole family were God-fearing and devout. Cornelius then has a vision from God and follows it. When Peter arrives at Cornelius' house Peter states "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right" (Acts 10:34-35). Peter then states that Cornelius knows the message God sent to the people of Israel and retells the short version of Jesus Christ. Then he confirms that he (and his companions) were witnesses of Christ Jesus. It was while Peter was speaking that the Holy Spirit came over the Gentiles. "The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles" (Acts 10:45). My question is whether Acts 10 is about the Jewish followers needing to understand that Gentiles could be endowed with the Holy Spirit or whether it is about the fact that Gentiles could be endowed with the Holy Spirit. To my eyes it seems as if God was stripping away at the Jewish perception of who could be saved rather than opening the flood gates to the Gentiles. Is it not possible that salvation was opened to the Gentiles prior?

What about the faith of the Canaanite Woman? In Matthew 15 we see a Canaanite woman come to Jesus and ask for mercy from Jesus and for Jesus to heal her demon possessed daughter. Jesus tries to shoo her away stating that he was only sent to the lost sheep of Israel (presumably the Jews). When Jesus tells her it isn't right that the children's bread be given to the dogs, but the woman persists that even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the master's table. Jesus praises her faith and grants her prayer. Doesn't Matthew 15 show that salvation was at hand for all who had faith, not just the Jews?

What about the story of Ruth. When Orpah returns to Moab to her people and her gods (Ruth 1:15) Ruth claims your people will be my people and your God my God (Ruth 1:16). Ruth being a Moabite isn't a lost sheep of Israel, but a lost sheep of Moab. Her salvation through the remainder of the book, isn't that a portrait of salvation being extended to all humanity rather than just to the Jews?

Again, I don't profess to have answers, just thoughts on the spiritual genealogy of non-Jewish Christians going back exclusively to Cornelius. I may be wrong, but I am just thinking aloud.

Augustine of Hippo - Sermo LI (A)

So begins again my intellectual pursuits and as they entangle (rightly so) with the pursuit of God. My discipline in both of these as of late has been lacking. But, I will return with gusto (for now) in both and I pray that I can impose a self-discipline now at 31 that was imposed upon me in my early years by others. In short, it's time to grow up and pursue things appropriate to my age. This scares me and I still cling to the frivolous pleasures of my youth - video games, copious amounts of alcohol, tobacco and a general lack of focus that has plagued me for a long while but is now rearing up in formidable fashion. What always compounds them though is my inherent and childish way of hiding these things and lying to cover up my trips into excess. These then have caused me numerous problems before and I have sworn things off time and time again (though in more private settings).  But, it could be worse right? I could have sworn things off to all of my friends and quasi-friends and acquaintances from yesteryear via Facebook. Here at least, I'm swearing moderation to anonymity (or as I stated in my first post, to my later self as the only reader of this blog).

I fear at 31 now I have long denied myself of becoming an adult for fear of losing who I am. I don't necessarily want to be a man-child, but I want to still have enjoyment - even the mindless kind. I have this general malaise about being an adult. Maybe it is a fear of a greater responsibility; maybe it is a fear of the unknown. Maybe it is something else entirely that I haven't yet thought of. Either way when I think of growing up I come to a verse that really scares me:

 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways, behind me."

I have become a man. I've accepted, at least in theory manhood. I have a pretty good job and it is career oriented. It's too many hours, but I'm putting in the groundwork for something better. More importantly, I've convinced somebody that I am not only a man, but a man worth marrying. We've been married now for over two years. Unfortunately, I have not yet put my childish ways behind me. I still reason like a child - I lie to cover up my faults. My faults are bad enough, the lying redoubles the sin.

But, things are beginning again anew (or I'm attempting the reset) and so I started with Augustine and his works. I could've gone with City of God or Confessions, but instead I started with "Sermons to The People" translated by William Griffin because it's less daunting. I want to build up a head of steam moving into this new venture so I can accomplish something and feel spurred on by it. I'm praying for Discipline; I haven't yet achieved it.

I worked a little bit later than I had intended last night so I was only able to read the foreword and a section of Sermo LI. But a couple phrases in the small bit of Sermo LI stood out to me.

First, Augustine is noting that the church is less full on this occasion because it's not a feast day on the liturgical calendar, just a normal day and it's "right smack in the middle of the December gladiatorial schedule" (Griffin, 4). He goes on to note that while he could pound the skipping parishioners for choosing entertainment over coming to church he instead notes that they should pray for both the present and absent congregations' sake without any distraction.

Smack in the middle of December I am at my busiest with work. I barely felt the Christmas season at all. I knew something was wrong and it may have sparked my most recent battle with alcohol. Or it could be that I am rewriting my own history in hindsight. But, I (and most modern people) live a busy life and the exhortation to "pray to God without distractions of any kind" (Griffin, 5) is something that I need to take to heart.

He goes on with the gladiator games theme to say how the spectators always come out of the games in sorrow. First, they come out bad if their favorite loses. Second, they come out worse if there favorite has won. But the worst outcome is this "Worst, they'd be thrice beaten; addicted to the amphitheater, enmeshed in Vain Joy, impaled on the trident of Cheap Greed" (Griffin, 8). I feel after reading this passage, thrice beaten - addicted to the games that bring me momentary pleasure but end up impaling me with my own shortsightedness. But, Augustine offers hope nonetheless. He goes on to state that many of those in the congregation had chosen church over the games and thus defeated the temptation and the Devil himself. This is possible only because Christ had allowed himself to be tempted by the Devil and had overcome him. As followers of Christ it is possible to overcome temptation and the Devil, and the proof was the congregation present that day. That is hopeful.

  

Notes on the Absurd Creation (The Myth of Sisyphus)

(Originally written October 13, 2008 in the Journal)

Notes on Albert Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus

Absurd Creation

To create is to live doubly. They know to begin with and work to enrich and enlarge through examination of what they know.

The absurd man concerns himself with experiencing and describing - not explaining and solving.

Does the Christian explain and solve? Does he do this as an apologist or as a believer? Or does the Christian resolve the conflict through faith (creating a paradox out of an inconsistency) and merely experience and describe?

The universe is attractive, not for its depth but for its diversity (quantity not quality). Explanation is futile, but sensation (experience) remains.

"The idea of an art detached from its creator is not only outmoded, it is false... the artist commits himself and becomes himself in his work" (Camus)

"The work of art is born of the intelligence's refusal to reason the concrete" (Camus)

Art is carnal.

Thought provokes art but the creation of art is the repudiation of the provoking thought.

Art cannot be the end, the meaning, or the consolation of life.

Art is bad when it tries to explain existence in total. Art is good when it is a slice of experience.

"If the world were clear, art would not exist" and "expression begins where thought ends".

To think is to create a world (or to limit one's world, which is the same thing)

Camus desires to liberate his universe of phantoms and focus on flesh-and-blood truths, of which he cannot deny (This sounds a bit Cartesian).

The heart of man is full of stubborn hope.

Kirilov

In Dostoevsky, existence is either illusionary or eternal.

Dostoevsky is convinced that life is an utter absurdity for anyone without faith in immortality.

The independence which Kirilov gains (Dostoevsky's The Possessed) is the independence of serving God, of being god himself - this is a painful independence for him.

Ivan Karamazov (The Brothers Karamazov), like the great assassain of God, Nietzsche end their lives in madness. Camus praises this: "But this is a risk worth running, and faced with such tragic ends, the essential impulse of the absurd mind is to ask - what does that prove?" (Camus).

All is well, everything is permitted, nothing is hateful, dreadful freedom - these are the mantras of the absurd mind.

Dostoevsky, like Kierkegaard, follows out the absurd logic only to metaphysically reverse at the end (there is a God, necessarily). Thus, hope in the eternal, an abandonment of the temporal.

Dostoevsky's works deal with the absurd problem, but are not absurd works. His works offer a reply (the leap); whereas, true absurd works offer descriptions, not replies.

"It is possible to be Christian and absurd. There are examples of Christians who do not believe in a future life" (Camus). [What? Who? This is a contradiction. The entire thrust of Christianity is the eternal life].

Ephemeral creation

The art and artist are inseparable. The entire body of work by the artist is his one creation. Each piece complements, chastises, or corrects one another. (Experience is emphasized in this, a lifetime of experience infused in a lifetime of work).

"From death, for instance, they (the art) derive their definitive significance. At the moment of death, the succession of his works is but a collection of failures. But if those failures all have the same resonance, the creator has managed to repeat the image of his own conditions to make the air echo with the sterile secret he possesses" (Camus).

Art finds its importance in the demands it makes on the creator and the opportunity it affords him of getting closer to his naked self.

Diversity is the home of art.

There is no barrier between being and appearing.

The illusion of another world binds man; hope binds man.

Brief Notes on City of God - Book 1

(Originally Written June 4, 2008 in the Journal)

Notes on City of God by Augustine

Introduction

"The great lesson of the City of God is that out of all things come good" (Augustine, ix)

Book I

Great effort is needed to convince the proud of the power of humility.

The city of this world seeks to dominate but is dominated by its lust for domination.

"God's providence constantly uses war to correct and chasten the corrupt morals of mankind, as it also uses such afflictions to train men in a righteous and laudable way of life, removing to a better state those whose life is approved, or else keeping them in this world for further service" (Augustine, 6).

It is foolish to trust in gods who can be conquered and yet saved by man's hands. A god ought to be unconquerable and capable of saving man, not the other way around.

The god of Rome would have perished long ago if the Romans had not so painstakingly preserved them.

It is foolishness for men to blame the collapse of Rome on Christ when they invoked his name to save their very lives! The fall of Rome was brought about by their corrupt morals.

In the sack of Rome, the savagery of war was tempered by something new: Christianity. Pagan and Christian alike were spared in the temples of Christ. How then can Christ be blamed for the fall of Rome?

The mercy of the Lord extends to both the good and the bad. This is so the wicked can repent and come to the Lord, for God waits for all men to come. Some choose to harden their hearts, but that is their own task for destruction.

The mercy God extends will someday in the future only extend to those who accept Him.

God has willed that temporal goods and temporal evils will befall good and bad alike.

"The good man is not exalted by this world's goods; nor is he overwhelmed by this world's ills" (Augustine, 13-14).

Not all evil doing is punished in this world. Some punishment is stored up for the final judgment.

God punishes some sin in this world so that the belief in providence never ceases.

God rewards some good deeds here so that we do not believe God has no concern for temporal blessings, but other good deeds have blessings that are bestowed after this temporal life is done.

Though the suffering of the good and evil are alike, the sufferers are different. The wicked curse God under affliction; the good offer prayers to Him.

"Stir a cesspit, and a foul stench arises; stir a perfume, and a delightful fragrance ascends. But the movement is identical" (Augustine, 14).

The suffering of Christians have caused their moral improvement because they viewed them with eyes of faith.

Christians suffer justly when they do not admonish sins, for not to admonish sin is a sin itself.

The good and bad suffer because though they do not live equal lives, they both love this temporal world too much.

The worldly advantages of life are not discreditable in themselves. What is discreditable is when the Christian is unduly attached to those advantages.

The Christian loses nothing in the deprivation of temporal goods. A man can be poor in life, yet rich in spirit. A Christian ought to be content with that they have and bless the Lord for it.

Those Christians who grieve the loss of their temporal goods, though they do not love them as much as they love Christ, can learn how much sin they have committed in losing those temporal things. These Christians refused to be taught by words and so God taught them by experience.

Christ condemns the desire for riches, not the opportunity riches afford.

Those who suffer torture who have no wealth on account of wealth confess Christ. If the torturer is not swayed the tortured will still be justly rewarded in heaven.

The only thing that makes death an evil is what comes after death. We ought not worry about death because all die; we should instead focus on our destination after death.

We need not worry over the body of a man who has died. Those who can kill the body have no power over the soul. The saints who have fallen but not been given a proper burial will still be resurrected.

Suicide is never justifiable.

Purity is a virtue of the mind, not the body.

Courage endures evil, but does not condone it.

We cannot commit suicide for the Bible says we cannot kill (which implies a human being) and to kill one's self is to kill a human being.

Not all homicide is murder. God orders killing, but when He does so the man does not do the killing. He is just an instrument of God. He is like the sword that God is wielding.

Though gods may be false, worship of those gods can be sincere.

The judgment of God is inscrutable and His ways are mysterious. Sometimes we cannot comprehend why we suffer, but we can take consolation in the fact that Divine Providence is at work.

God always works suffering to result in our justification or our correction.

The saints ought not to regret this temporal life for it is their schooling for eternity.

Those who rebel against the Christian era do so that they may indulge themselves in extravagant sin.

The Church has members hidden amongst the world as the Church has ungodly hidden in its midst. But, God knows these men.

The city of God and the city of man stand interwoven and intermixed, awaiting separation on the Judgment Day.

Brief Notes on The Epistle of Barnabas

(Originally Written June 3, 2008 in the Journal)

The Epistle of Barnabas seems to have been written between 70 - 200 A.D. It is not believed that this Barnabas is the same Barnabas as Paul's companion.

The Epistle of Barnabas

"For on the way of righteousness I have had the companionship of the Lord" (Early Christian Writings, 159).

There are three principles of the Lord:
1. Faith
2. Hope
3. Love

The Lord has made known to us that He has no need of oblations and sacrifices. The Lord seeks us to give to the needy and give the Lord a contrite heart as sacrifice.

We as Christians are not to withdraw within ourselves and live in solitude. We must make ourselves into the temple of the Living God.

The Lord sanctified us by the remission of our sins in His death.

Ruin justly awaits those who know the way of Holiness but choose the way of Darkness.

The prophets of Israel can only be understood through their fulfillment in Christ Jesus.

Though Jesus Christ was fully God, He came into this world as a man and suffered so that His affliction would win life for us.

Moses spoke of the dietary laws for which the Israelites understood carnally, but we, as Christians, understand them spiritually.

There are two ways of teaching, two wielders of power: the light and the darkness.

To follow the Way of Light is to give glory to Him who redeemed you from death. The Way of Light is never marred by hypocrisy. The Way of Light loves its neighbor more than itself.

"Never do away with an unborn child, or destroy it after its birth" (Early Christian Writings, 180).

"Whatever experience comes your way, accept it as a blessing, in the certainty that nothing can happen without God" (Early Christian Writings, 180).

Be as pure as you can. Detest evil. Be generous. Do not come to prayer with a bad conscious.

The Way of Darkness is defiance of God. Those in the Way of Darkness are sunk in sin.

Notes on Polycarp

(Originally Written June 2, 2008 in the Journal)

Polycarp was the bishop of Smyrna, appointed there by the apostle, St. John.

Polycarp's Epistle to the Philippians

He warns the Philippians against the vapid discourses of the vulgar (heresies and the philosophies of the pagans).

A man's mind should always be bent on faith, hope and love of God and Christ, and love of neighbor.

He warns that troubles stem from the love of money. He warns against loose living.

"If we pray to the Lord to forgive us, we ourselves must be forgiving" (Early Christian Writings, 121).

We must not associate with hypocritical Christians.

We must imitate the patience of Christ and if we must suffer than we ought to give glory to God for it.

Keep yourself from even the slightest taint of wrong.

What am I to say Lord? I have been made a fool, a disgrace, There is no love or respect. I am chastised for every action, for every word. The Lord has called me to love a woman who despises me. Turn your eyes upon me in mercy. Lord, my heart is failing. I have no joy in me. Why do you so easily take what I hold most dear? Lord I give it to you willingly, though I choke back these tears. My soul is in utter anguish and my heart aches with such tenacity I know not how to describe it. I see the world mocking me and jeering. There is no comfort, no solace. Even bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh is of no comfort. She causes me such strife and pain.

Where are you Lord? I call out in utter despair and do not hear your voice. I do not feel your warm embrace. My eyes well with tears and stream down my face. I am no man, I am but a lost child. When will you raise me up? How long oh Lord must I suffer? Will you allow the enemy to tear me apart? If so then give me the strength to endure in your Holy name. Make my misery and down fall so public that the whole world will know it that I may be a testimony to you. Lord how do I thank you for this? How do I praise your name when you bring ruin upon me? I offer not lip service, but genuine faith. Praise be to the Lord for He is good. Though we may be afflicted and suffer cruel injustice, we are redeemed by the blood of Christ. None of us Lord is perfect, all deserve a sinner's death. Yet, you in Christ Jesus our Lord and savior made us blameless in your sight. The Lord is truly faithful. Though all mankind forsake me, I will rejoice gladly for the Lord shall never leave me.

She is leaving today Lord. Watch over her and draw her back to you. Do not let her fall into temptations. Do not afflict me any more. Love her as you do and show her mercy and kindness. Circumcise her heart and mind and ears. May she come to see you as I do and better, for I am but beginning to see you. Bless her in all she does and if it is your will restore her to me, for I love her dearly.

The Martyrdom of Polycarp

A young man named Germanicus was martyred at the hands of beasts. He was offered out of this death on account of his youth, but dragged the beast nearer to him to speed to God.

Quintus of Phrygia went voluntarily to the slaughter, but lost heart at the sight of the animals. He recanted and offered incense to the false gods of the Romans. For this reason, and for the fact that it is contrary to the gospel, men ought not offer themselves up spontaneously.

When the men caught Polycarp they were surprised that the death of such an old man was such urgent business. The governor asked Polycarp to renounce Christ, or even just utter "down with the infidels" to be free of punishment. But, Polycarp swept his hand at the heathen crowd and uttered "down with the infidels". The governor then threatened Polycarp with beasts and Polycarp called them up. He threatened Polycarp with fire and still Polycarp showed no fear. He was 86 years old at this time. Polycarp then prayed to God as he was attached to the pyre. The fire was lit, but would not burn high enough to kill Polycarp. Polycarp was then stabbed to death. The blood of Polycarp poured out of his body and put the flames out and the crowd was amazed.