Busted Flush

Life has become
Fairly disappointing:
Shouldn't have chased dreams
Shouldn't have chased the rush
Cause here I sit:
Four cards good.
A busted flush.

Tonight

Tonight we dance.
Tonight we mourn.
Beneath the moon.
Beneath the stars.

The pale moonlight bathes the beach.
The waves crash along the jagged shore.
I sit watching.
Beneath the moon.
Beneath the stars.

With every wave the ocean
Deposits what it wills
Then drags back the sand from the shore.
Unsuspecting grains of sand
are drowned at the bottom of the sea.

Tonight we dance.
Tonight we mourn.
Beneath the moon.
Beneath the stars.

Terribly written songs and shabbily remembered tunes

Ugh, how embarrassing. Some of these "poems" are horrendous. But, each of them was originally written as a song that I had every intentions of layering over the lyrics with some sick stuff from fruity loops. Sadly or gladly, I'm not sure which, I never did record these, but a few of the melody's popped back into my head when I was retyping them.

Sadly, I don't really remember the tune or style for We are not God

The song called 2 of the 7 deadly sins, if I remember correctly was originally all seven, but time and moves has seen the loss of the other five deadly sins songs...

Belgian Soul is a bad poem/song and while I don't remember the tune, it could actually make for a good short story

Give me one little chance seems to have been a complete rip off of Lynyrd Skynyrd's gimme three steps.

Much stronger than Tom was a song that was meant to be sung very deep and scratchy. I might've been able to do it today but definitely wouldn't have been able to do it with my vienna choir boy voice in 2003.

Everyday seems to be a punk song, very fast and not very long.

Ignore me was supposed to have an industrial feel and sounds a lot like "Ich Will" from Rammstein in my head.

Up & Down should've sounded like a dark version of a child's song with distortion dissonance in the background in the verses which might've been supposed to have been spoken.

The name "Holy Roman Empire" was going to be the name of my one-man band but never took off. What a shame...

Empty

(Originally written December 21, 2009 in the Journal)

Empty

The permafrost of my heart warmed a moment.
Just long enough to crack in two.
I reached out for my love and grasped the air.
Empty, my hand retreated back to its place.
Alone, lifeless at my side.

Unraveling

(Originally written December 17, 2009 in The Journal)

Oh Ashley, I'm sure you feel so neglected.

Unraveling

Don't weep for me
Not a single tear shall you shed.
The pain across my face will pass with time.
I am on the downward spiral.
But, this path for me is well trodden.
See look, I am unraveling.
But in the end I'm left with this pile of yarn -
Ready to recreate my world.

Three Untitled Poems

(Originally Written October 6, 2009)

(Originally written October 6, 2009 in the Journal)

1.

While some may lose themselves on land and other's may recklessly sail again,
Myself I shove off from shore to retest the tepid waters to see what fate has in store.
Those eyes are such a blue I find myself longing for nothing save only for you.
My darling, my sweet, my sole and cherished heart.
Twas love that chose you from before,
long before I even knew to start.

2.

While some may yet lost in another's eyes
A feat easily accomplished in such a blue,
My eyes rather than losing -
Methinks the thing has become a pleasure
Such is the cross of change

3

Yes, a night again lost
Fully in another's eyes
A feat easily achieved
When I gaze in such a blue
Such fates that destiny has in store
The downcast has become elated
Timidly retesting the seas after a wreck upon ashore

Poem #1

(Originally Written February 25, 2009 in the Journal)

Poem 1

The sun is setting my dear.
The sun is setting.
Tomorrow, I will wake anew.

So I went to Haiti today. I'm in Port-au-Prince right now! I came with Ms. Erin Adams and Cindy Hundley - a true motley crew we are. We're staying at an orphanage run by one of Erin's friends.

This is pretty amazing. I love traveling, but it was an arduous trip taking nearly twelve hours to get from Jarabacoa to here solely by gua-gua. They had dinner ready for us: chicken, potatoes and carrot, and a salad consisiting of lettuce, tomato, onion and a leafy green that reminded me of parsley but had a spicy after taste.

Well, I think I'm ready for bed. It's been a long day. By the way, Erin becomes more amazing the more I get to know her.

I didn't eat the chicken because I've given up meat for lent.

Lord, the Nazirite vow I took taught me very little. I failed you Lord. Out of this abstaining Lord I hope to gain insight on your true purpose for my life.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found.
Twas blind but now I ssee.

Poem 1

The sun is setting my dear,
The sun is setting.
Tomorrow, I will wake anew.

A Poem on Pain

(Originally Written March 3, 2008 in the Journal)

Pain is like the grains of sand,
It is immeasurable and seemingly endless.
Life is like walking along the shore,
A vast barrier after the ocean blocks you
And you must continue to drudge through the soul.
But every now and then you happen upon a lost coin
Or some other treasure.
This is joy and it sustains you.
It makes the sand bearable.
I sit now though, wondering if the treasure is worth the sand?

My Moral Mess

(Originally written November 9, 2006 in Book 11)

My Moral Mess

The Haunting of the farmer's loving eyes
Peering deep into the heart of the styes
Corn and wheat and soy beans too
Long live the caricature of the rural crew
The glaring deficiency of my urban tendency
The aristocracy of the beltway claims
A precedence in my own ignorant ways
Forgive me my elitist attitude
Forgive me my innateness of rude
I cannot help it who I will be, I will be
But what else can you expect from a son of D.C.

Elitism
Aristocracy
My Moral hypocrisy
Elitism
Aristocracy
My Moral hypocrisy

I cannot help but look at the rural with pity
It's hard to keep my tongue from being stupid and witty
These careless words that I spew
I wish only that I can be more like you
Love, acceptance, even a little naive
All these attributes I seem to have never receive

Elitism
Aristocracy
My Moral hypocrisy
Elitism
Aristocracy
My Moral hypocrisy

Belgian Soul

(Originally Written May 4, 2003)

Belgian Soul

There's a hole in the back of my head
About the size of a shotgun shell
I'm floating above my body so I can see it well
To the right there is this blinding light
To the left just eternal dark.

It's a ghost, no, an angel
And the devil himself
Placing bets upon my soul

Apparently Gabriel and old Lou have a running bet
And my soul just might square the debt.
I was neither good nor bad, for or against
I guess I was just a Belgian Soul

2 of the 7 Deadly Sins

(Originally Written May 3, 2003)

Greed

All we have is everything
Everything means nothing
In the new society of greed
Let's listen to the creed
And what's sad
is I am just as bad.

I must admit I am a selfish fucking brat
Give me more
Give me more
Give me more

Sloth

Dreary negligence
We all move towards our stench,
slowly and lazily
What have we wrought?
This pain and suffering from our sloth.

Just let me lie here just one more hour
Just let me lay here for now
Just let me lay here just one more day
I will be fine, everything's ok.

We Are Not God

(Originally Written May 1, 2003)

What have we done to render the heat from the sun to make it hotter?
What have we done to render the storm of the sky to cause so many more to die?
What have we done? What can we do?
If we must rely the strength of man we are lost.

We have not learned a thing
Since the Fall of Man
Neither from the Tower of Babel
Nor the hubris that collapsed to rabble
Could change our ways?
We grow sicker and sicker.
The sin is getting thicker and thicker
When will we cease and stop?
For God we are not.

Up & Down

(Originally Written March 16, 2003)

Up and down
we circle round
to pick our dates
to pick our crowns

Its prom season once again.
Would you like to go, but just as friends?
Sure, why not it'll be lots of fun
When it's over just leave with some one else
Wh0 needs self-esteem when your seventeen?

Up and down
we circle round
to pick our jobs
to smile and frown

I'm sorry sir
But you just don't have the experience we're looking for
Sure of course, I understand
I'm just not your man
When you need me though
I'll be here working as the cashier

Up and Down
they circle round
to pick the stone
to throw it down

No job and no degree,
No wife, no girl, just misery

Up and down

we circle round

to pick our dates

to pick our crowns

Thanks you so much for the reminder
And I'll be sure to let her know when I find her...
What a fuck up I am

Up and down
we circle round

Up and down

we circle round

Ignore Me; it's ok, I'm used to it by now

(Originally written March 16, 2001)

Ignore me; it's ok, I'm used to it by now

Ignore me.
Ignore me; it's ok I'm used to it by now.

Ignore me.
Excuse me ma'am, do you have a second?
That's Ok, I'll find someone else.

Ignore me.
Pardon me but, Oh I understand.
Would you like some company?
Yeah I'm just waiting too.

Ignore me.

Ignore me; it's ok I'm used to it by now.

Ignore me.

Ignore me; it's ok I'm used to it by now.

But I have to admit, I thought you were different.

Everyday

(Originally Written March 16, 2001)

Everyday

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday (March On!)
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday (March On!)
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday (March On!)
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday (March On!)

Every day is the same.
Every day is the same.
Every day is the same.
Everybody is the same.
Everybody is the same.
Everybody is the same.
In my life right now...

Much Stronger than Tom

(Originally Written March 16, 2001)

Much Stronger than Tom

I see so many things
I see so many things
I cannot believe

I hear so many things
I hear so many things
I cannot believe

I have sought
and I have found
I have asked
And I have received
But yet,
I find it hard to believe

Where is my faith?
Where has it gone?
How have I lived without knowing it's gone?
Where is my faith?
Where is my faith?

I have doubts
Much stronger than Tom
I have doubts
Though I know that it's wrong
Deep in my heart
I wonder if it's been like this from the start.

I see so many things

I see so many things

I cannot believe

I hear so many things

I hear so many things

I cannot believe

Give Me One Little Chance

(Originally Written March 16, 2001)

Give me one little chance

Give me one little chance
Give me one little, little chance
I am down on my knees
Begging begging please
Give me one little chance and I'll succeed

I ain't never felt so broken down (So broken down)
I an't never been to menacing
It just ain't my way of doin' this
But I see that I will have to be a lot less nice
A lot more mean,
Say goodbye to your sweet man
Cause I'm tired of being the door mat.

Give me one little chance
Give me one little chance

Give me one little chance

Give me one little chance

Give me one little chance

Or I will smash your stupid face.