Puddn'head Wilson

From Goodreads

Mark Twain is probably my second favorite American author. (My favorite is Vonnegut, but only slightly). Pudd'nhead Wilson is a fearless lampooning of Twain's culture that is so thorough it takes a moment to unpack it all. As social commentary it is biting, pithy and unfazed by the uproar it might cause. As a story it builds well to the conclusion you know is coming; yet, there are enough elements of surprise that keep you interested. It sprawls a bit more than I expected for such a short novel, which I like. I would recommend this to anyone and everyone

Twain - How to Tell a Story

How to Tell a Story (1895) By Mark Twain.

Unlike the previous essay, I enjoyed this one without reservation. My favorite part came in the beginning though - "There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind - the humorous. I will talk mainly about that one. The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling; the comic story and the witty story upon the matter. The humorous story may be spun out to great length, and may wander around as much as it pleases, and arrive nowhere in particular; but the comic and witty stories must be brief and end with a point. The humorous story bubbles gently along, the others burst" (Twain, 70). I thought that was a very succinct and true speculation of the differences in storytelling between the three countries that holds relatively true even today. I like to think of myself as being born on the wrong side of the Atlantic, but after reading this and examining my own storytelling I find that I am alas, a humorous writer and not a comic one. I always knew I wasn't overly witty, I rely to much on wordplays and puns for that moniker. I wouldn't have made it at a French court to save my life. But, here I am bubbling along and not arriving anywhere in particular.

Twain finishes the essay with two tales, The Wounded Soldier and The Golden Arm. These are humorous tropes and quite frankly I can see myself telling a tale like this and interposing and intertwining completely unrelated details to arrive at the end, which really isn't all that fascinating or important. I've just got to work on my timing I guess. That's what Twain says to do anyway. Where was I again? Oh yeah... Who's got me golden arm? I think the soldier lost it and that's why I'm carrying him. No, I haven't got my timing down yet. I'll practice that some more and come tell you about it later...

Twain - Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences

Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences (1895). By Mark Twain.

This little essay has to be the least favorite of mine in this collection. While there was substantial humor in some of the outlandish attacks on the writings of James Fenimore Cooper. "It seems to me that it was far from right for the Professor of English Literature in Yale, the Professor of English Literature in Columbia, and Wilkie Collins, to deliver opinions on Cooper's literature without having read some of it" (Twain, 59). That's very funny. It's smart, witty and quick. "Cooper's art has some defects. In one place in Deerslayer, and in the restricted space of two-thirds of a page, Cooper has scored 114 offences against literary art out of a possible 115. It breaks the record" (Twain, 59). That's outrageous. That's what makes it funny. I read this and settled in for what I thought would be a funny essay. What I got was seemingly mean-spirited and overly judgmental.

I'll admit I like Cooper. I liked The Last of the Mohicans; I loved The Spy. But, I like Twain substantially more than I like Cooper. But, the more I read him criticizing and criticizing Cooper, I got to wondering if Twain didn't write that essay after one of his works was bashed in a newspaper. It got me thinking about chefs who spout off about critics after one gives them an unfavorable review. All in all, I thought the work was slightly unfair and unduly harsh. It didn't stop it from being funny. But I felt as if I was forced to laugh at a pretty descent storyteller to enjoy the essay.

Twain - The Private History of a campaign that failed

The Private History of a campaign that failed (1885). By Mark Twain 

Journalism in Tennessee still stands as my favorite Twain short story to date. But this one hits a little close to home in what I'm currently writing (My Completed Autobiography, evolving title) in that it captures a farcical historical event that is close enough to reality it might as well be true. Of course, I'm no Twain scholar so it may very well be true.

The interaction between the "soldiers" in this little tale are hysterical. Their jockeying for rank is my favorite part, especially, "nobody would cook; it was considered a degradation; so we had no dinner" (Twain, 47). In spite of the levity of the story it hits some profound history to as some of the failed soldiers would go on to be professionals in the Civil War. It makes light of a hard situation that is funny without truly making fun of the characters- no mean task. It's a good story and I hope to one day be able to capture a tone like it to inject enough humor in order to maintain the humanity in a story about inhumanity.

Twain - The Stolen White Elephant

I'm enjoying my Mark Twain short stories. I still feel that Journalism in Tennessee is my favorite thus far, but in reading Twain's The Stolen White Elephant I'm realizing that I like detective stories. Now, that said, I haven't read a Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie or any other "serious" detective fiction. But, I've loved Law & Order since at least high school; I think I liked it earlier, especially the crossover episodes with the Baltimore based Homicide: Life on the Street. I know I liked those when I was young and before I moved out of the area. But, it also made me never want to enter the city...

But, earlier on this blog and in one of my nascent stories I've mentioned the similarities between Douglas Adam's Dirk Gently and Raymond Queneau's Morcol in The Flight of Icarus and now having read Twain's short story The Stolen White Elephant, I'm finding that I really enjoy farcical detective stories. I'm also noticing a trend about such characters. They are, simultaneously, bungling and cunning. They have the great balance of bafoonery and intellect that allows them the expertise of the  charlatan. Money moves them. I guess that's a well-worn thought because even in serious journalism we question the ethics of the police. Maybe we should simply make them well paid and then they wouldn't have to worry about bribes. That however would be a socialist notion and thus, completely unacceptable in America. We can't stand an ounce of socialism. On a side note, I'm very concerned that I'm not going to get my social security in forty years or so when I'm eligible. These aren't related thoughts, but my mind is always doubled over in multiple trajectories.

As for Twain's short story, it's great. It is silly and full of sharp language. That makes it easy to read and easy to pause and reread a fantastic passage or sentence. With Twain, it's often the sentence that you reread because of it's incredible sarcasm within its brevity. "Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It even had additions, consisting of Detective this, Detective that, and Detective the other's 'theory' as to how the robbery was done" (Twain, 28). Beautiful. Concise. Caustic.

The thing that I like so much about this story is that it incorporates an odd structure using the "telegraph" as a medium. I had this idea for a short story (which is still peculating within me) that makes use of a similar medium. Interwoven in the story will be some background narrative, but the story will be moved forward by a different medium - comments posted on Internet "journalism". I thought it would be a new novel and innovative technique. Twain wrote The Stolen White Elephant 101 years before I was born. What did Solomon say???

Twain - A literary nightmare

Humorous Stories and Sketches

Mark Twain

1996

A Literary Nightmare (1876)

Once again I find myself amazed at Twain's ability to grasp a reader with a story about a rather mundane topic. He builds and builds in this story a farce entirely based on the premise of a jingle being stuck in his head! Pretty funny, but so far Journalism in Tennessee remains my favorite.

Twain - About Barbers

Humorous Stories and Sketches

Mark Twain

1996

Often I find myself gravitating towards surreal, fantastic, science fiction, magical realism or otherworldly fiction. But, I think  I am most impressed with writers who stay in the strict confines of the ordinary and yet retain my interest. With a blisteringly quick pace I often find myself bored with fiction that doesn't transport me to some place or time that isn't logically possible. Mark Twain in general and About Barbers specifically need not take me to a galaxy far, far away to retain my attention. He described the barber shop where the narrator panicked over being taken into the worst chair and I got it. He described the barbershop I went to in High School. Though separated by 125 years between when the story was published and when I was frequenting the small town barbershop of my youth, Twain's opening still rings true: "All things change except barbers, the ways of barbers, and the surroundings of barbers. These never change (Twain, 13).

"He was decaying inwardly while still alive, and this gave me much concern" (Twain, 15). That's funny.

The other two parts I found especially humorous were the way the barber dried the mans face off (un-Christian like) and the barber's attempts to sell the man some products he didn't need. Barbers never change. 

Twain - Journalism in Tennessee

Humorous Stories and Sketches

Mark Twain

1996

Journalism in Tennessee

I found this story much more humorous than The Jumping Frog. Here are the best lines about the assistant editor nearly losing his life on the first day of the job:

"The shot spoiled Smith's aim, who was just taking a second chance, and he crippled a stranger. It was me" (Twain, 8).

"The Colonel's bullet ended its career in the fleshy part of my thigh" (Twain, 10).

"The Southern heart is too impulsive - Southern hospitality is too lavish with the stranger" (Twain, 12).

Twain - The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County

Since I have a current desire to try my hand at writing and since I was born on American soil I figured I ought to study up on the greatest American author to have ever put pen to paper. At the moment though I have not read every notable American author so I figured I'd just study Twain. I kid, I joke.

Humorous Stories and Sketches

Mark Twain

1996

The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County (1865) is a very short little story. The speed and shortness actually reminds me a bit of one of Voltaire's contes. Both are sharp, quick and satirical with heavy doses of irony. I love how the story began as a prank on the narrator to go and ask a man about a mythical friend that would ensnare the narrator in the clutches of a long winded storyteller. That is precisely what happens.

The story itself didn't sparkle for me but I liked the line, "he never smiled, he never frowned...but all through the interminable narrative there ran a vein of impressive earnestness and sincerity, which showed me plainly that, so far from imagining that there was anything ridiculous or funny about his story, he regarded it as a really important matter" (Twain, 1-2). The storyteller then weaved a tale of a compulsive gambler and how he was cheated out of $40 by a crooked man who filled a jumping frog's stomach full of led to ensure a victory in a bet. After this scenario the narrator escaped further stories about the gambling addict.

Thoughts on Existence (part 2)

(Originally written June 1, 2006 in Book 3)

Thus, existence is subdivided like this.

1. Existence
2a. Past
3a. Actual
3b. Intellectual
4a. Organic
4b. Inorganic
2b. Present
3a. Actual
3b. Intellectual
4a. Organic
4b. Inorganic

The organic and inorganic categories only fall under the heading "Actual Existence"

What is tricky though is that whenever we ponder the actual past existence of an object we are actually creating a present intellectual existence of an idea of that object. Thus, we only know intellectual existence whether it be past or present. (Past intellectual existence which we store as memory becomes present intellectual existence the minute we begin to ponder it again).

Thus, existence is as follow.

1) An object exists when it is.
2) That object exists in a set time, either the past or the present.
3) That object has either actual existence (if it is perceivable by the five physical senses) or an intellectual existence (if it is created in the mind of something with actual existence and not made to be tangible, i.e fictional characters, ideas, beliefs, etc.)
3b.) If the object has actual existence, whether it be past or present, then it has either organic (if it has life) or inorganic existence (if it is lifeless). All intellectual existence is inorganic because it has no life.

There are a number of anomalies when it comes to classifying existences. This is a list (though not exhaustive of such anomalies).

1. God - God has actual existence though we (normally) cannot use our five physical senses to perceive Him.

2. Human souls - souls have actual existence though we (normally) cannot use our five physical senses to perceive them.

3. The Human Mind - Minds have actual existence though we (normally) cannot use our five physical senses to perceive them.

Angels, demons and other objects of the Spiritual realm of existence fall into this crack.

Now as far as comprehension of existence I look to Kant for answers. The perception we have of anything that has actual existence conforms to our minds, thus we gain an intellectual existence of an actual object and infer that this idea we now have is inferred from an object with actual existence. This we have probable cause to believe that actual objects exist and it is absurd to doubt their actual existence. Belief then serves as the finishing touches of knowledge.

Knowledge is the foundation and skeleton; whereas belief is the part of the metaphorical building we call philosophy. Knowledge strengthens belief and belief completes knowledge. It is a symbiotic relationship and philosophy (and learning in general) is incomplete without either.

Thoughts on existence (part 1)

Before we go further, I must admit that in Book 3 of my notes I apparently was really, really interested in drawing stuff. There are a whole lot of diagrams... I'll do my best to recreate them in words. Let's hope that a decade of speaking and writing will compensate for the energy of harshly drawn lines and energy...

(Originally written May 31, 2006 in Book 3)

How does on philosophize?

Unknown future.

Birth.

In between these two points is the present.

But along one's own history there are an innumerable number of events. Each of these is an event, idea, person, action, etc, that has made an impact upon a man's life in the past.

When it comes to the present we come to the beginning point. This is the moment that one begins to ponder or contemplate. From this point a person can go in unlimited numbers of directions, except backwards, which is the past.

My apologies to the Linehan scholars of the late 21st, early 22nd century. If you ever get your hands on my early notebooks... Good luck. There are parts that I just guess.... (Suddenly, I remember something about vain pride...)

Each of these arrows (my drawing representation), the ones that have impacted the past, play some role in pondering and thus in philosophy. The future is unknown and undetermined (at least to the subject). Thus, philosophy is a science of pondering the past, with all of its influences and predicting a probable outcome of the future philosophy - as it is probability, it is therefore never an exact science. It cannot thus be a never changing entity. If it is stagnant, then it is only so because the person who holds it is stagnant. Philosophy is the eternal process of becoming. It reflects upon the past to hold a probable outcome of the future. If it reflects on the past with no consideration of the future than it is worthless historical data. If it merely contemplates the unknown future than it is solely fiction. Neither of these is useful in a quest for knowledge, which philosophy must be. The former becomes pride of oneself (or shame) and both lead to disaster. The latter creates imaginative worlds which are inhospitable to reality. 

You and I exist in reality and therefore these imaginative worlds are incapable of sustaining our lives for extended periods of time without relinquishing meaningful existence. If we attempt to exit in such worlds (these worlds most certainly exist) then we become mere characters of stories. Are you not more real than Huck Finn? You, I, and dar Huck are most definitely real in the sense that we exist. But even though you or I will never (probably) enjoy the more fame than Huck, do you feel slighted? Is not your life more meaningful than his? I know I fell more meaningful than he; I hope you do as well.

This leads us to the types of existence. Again the definition of existence is simply that which is. Thus, everything that you or I or Huck or anyone else things of exists. But unlike men, all existences are not equal.

Existence - that which is

1) This pad is, therefore it exists.

2) This pencil is, therefore it exists.

3) I am, therefore I exist.

4) You are, therefore you exist.

5) Huckleberry Finn is, therefore he exists.

6) Mark Twain is, therefore he exists.

What then is the difference between you, I, Huck Finn, Mark Twain, this pad or this pencil? If we all exist then we must share some similarities. This is true! At one level all six of us have a common characteristic, which is existence. Yet, you and I (unless I am dead as you read this) moof your st definitely have a different existence then Mark Twain. And regardless of wether you, I or, anyone else is dead we have distinctly different type of existence than Huck Finn.

Let us look at each of these six things and classify their existence. 

Past Existence:

First, there is past existence. Do I have a past? Yes, I have a past that dates back to at least 1983 A.D. Do you have a past? Yes, and it dates back at least to the moment of your conceptions. (We will focus on pre-conception existence later).

Thus, anything at this very moment (10:15 on 5/31/2006) and any thing that was prior to this moment has a past existence. I exist (in some fashion) at 10:15 on May 31, 2006 and have existed (at least) when I was conceived by my parents. When that was (some moment in time in May of 1983 A.D.) and up to, but not this very moment consists of my past existence. Your past existence is composed of the moment of your conception (at least) right up to the very moment you read this, but not that very moment. Therefor all six of things I previously mentioned have a past existence.

1) I have a past existence from (at least) the moment of conception up until this very moment, (which is when I write this) but not including it.

2) You have a past existence from (at least) the moment of conception up until this very moment (which is when you read this), but not including it.

3) This pad has past existence from the moment (at least) from when it was created up until this very moment, but not including it.

4) This pencil has past existence from the moment (at least) from when it was created up until this very moment, but not including it.

5) Mark Twain has past existence from (at least) the moment of his conception up until this very moment, but not including it.

6) Huck Finn has past existence from (at least) he was written down by Mark Twain up until this very moment, but not including it.

Thus, each of the six have a past existence which is eternal, not immortal. The past is ever growing from the point of the objects' creation (thus eternal in the sense that it is continual, but not immortal as it has a beginning). Thus, a pas existence is subjective to the individual object and can be either small or enormous, based on the object's creation point.

Present Existence

However, you may have noticed that past existence for all six of the objects ends at this very moment. This very moment is continually changing but it is the present moment that is the present. This very moment happens to now be 10:49 est on May 31, 2006. It is the present and the present for all things that exist presently. Present existence, unlike past existence which is subjective to the object, is universal to all objects. Thus, past existence is subjective and particular to an individual object; but present existence is universal to all objects. (Present existence is however subjective in the sense that any rational being can determine what the present is to be measured as (moment = year or month or week or day or hour or minute or second, etc.) All six have a sort of present existence (more to come soon).

Future Existence

Since objects have past and present existence it likely follows that objects have future existence. And since objects' past existence is immortal there necessarily must be a future existence.

Now the definition of existence is 'that which is' and future's very definition is 'what will become'. These two definitions seem to be at odds with each other. SInce then the future is yet undetermined and unknown, the very thought of being able to define something as having future existence is quite absurd. How can something be and at the same time be in that which is not yet? It surely cannot!

Therefore future is defined as 'that which is what will become'

No future existence is in reality present and past existence of intellectual thoughts or ideas. The idea that I will exist in some moment beyond this present one is the idea that I will exist in the future, but that idea exists in the present  and will have a past existence when the present becomes past (as it continually does). Thus there is no such thing as future existence, only present and past existence of ideas of what the future may or may not hold.

Up until now we have separated existence into two categories: past existence and present existence. Each of the six objects we pondered had both. Now we will begin to differentiate the objects' existences. This is the existence of an object in reality; is it tangible or sensible existence? (Although God's existence is actual existence, but we will discuss that later). For now let us focus on what exists in the physical realm (which is the realm of existence that is perceivable by the five physical senses).

Opposite actual existence is intellectual existence. Intellectual existence is the existence of an idea. Thus, we can now separate one of our six from the others.

Past Actual Existence	Present Actual Existence
You	You
I	I
Mark Twain (physical)	Mark Twain (physical)
This Pencil	This Pencil
This Pad	This Pad
Past Intellectual Existence	Present Intellectual Existence
Huck Finn	Huck Finn

Notice that Mark Twain is noted as the physical existence. In the past this may mean his lively body or his lifeless remains (as he is dead); but, his present actual existence is solely his lifeless remains. The idea of Mark Twain that we get from studying history would actually fall under intellectual existence.

Now existence is broken down hence.

Sorry, more drawings.

Under existence is both past and present. Under past existence is actual & intellectual existence. Under present existence, likewise is actual and intellectual existence.

It then follows under the actual existence category that we have another set of opposite subcategories. This is organic and inorganic existence.

Organic existence consists of an object that has life. Inorganic existence consists of an object that has no life. Thus, you and I have both past-actual-organic existence and present-actual-organic existence. Mark Twain (physical) has past-organic existence and his works have past-actual-inorganic existence and present-actual-inorganic existence. This pad and this pencil only have past-actual-inorganic existence and present-inorganic-existence.