Praying while angry

(Originally written June 30, 2012 on a scrap of paper now lost)

5 Days

Lord, I feel the anger in me. It makes me shake. Keep me from sinning in my anger. Erase my rage, my fear and my anxiety. I lay these things down at your feet. I have cast my burdens onto Jesus. Let me take up the cross so that I may walk with you.

There is no shame in the cross. Lord, please come near me. Be not far from me for I am in desperate need of you. My shoulders are enflamed with rage. I feel hatred coming. Help me to replace it with brotherly love. Keep me from sins. Forgive me of my temptation to sin.

This is five days since since I've had alcohol or tobacco. A mere drop in the bucket, but a testimony to your faithfulness to me. I cannot do this on my own. Be near me oh my God. Teach me in your word. Have the Psalms be my prayers.

Psalm 1

Am I chaff? No, I have not been blown away. I am planted by streams of water, I am merely being pruned. Watch over my way Lord, keep me righteous and increase it for your glory.

Psalm 3

3:3 "But you are a shield around me, O Lord, you bestow glory on me and lift up my head"

3:8 "From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people."

It's hard not to pray verse 7. I want badly for you to "strike all my enemies on the jaw". I crave it on some level. Whip my anger back for I am struggling to hold in the emotions of my heart. Forgive me if I am in sin in my anger. I do not wish to sin.

Psalm 4

4:1 "Answer me when I call to you O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer".

4:4 "in your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent"

Psalm 10:1

"Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?"

Hear my praises Lord as I praise you for your deliverance. I have asked of you in faith to receive Erin as my bride and even when I was faithless you fulfilled the desire of my heart. Praise God.

Psalm 146

146:10 "The Lord reigns forever, for all generations. Praise the Lord"

147

147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"

147:6 "The Lord sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground."

148 - Praises. Praise the Lord

149

149:4 "For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation".

Psalm 150

150:6 "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord"

Praise you God for subsiding my anger and barring Satan from my mind. Be with Erin and I today. Help her to get ahold of Pastor Jack. Help us to get married in just a few days. Help us to find a counselor to rebuild the trust. Help me not drag Erin down, but Help Erin to protect me some as I am veery vulnerable right now. I rely on you for strength and refuge. But grant me this request, Lord, I beg of you. See our wedding on July 21st. I praise you for answer to my prayer. I love you God. Thank you for rescuing me. I am sorry it took such pain to bring it about.