(Originally written August 3, 2007)
Cat, Family & School (money and time)
For the last six years I have floated from place to place; physically, emotionally and spiritually I have made so many mistakes. When I seem to overcome one another haunts me and frustrates my efforts.
My family is Indiana, I am in Virginia. My wife is with me but I scarcely feel her person.
My cat is leaving tomorrow. She goes back to Indiana because my landlady despise her. Sometimes I despise my landlady, more so now than ever. Did I mention my landlady is my mother-in-law?
School is an ever present problem for me. My negligence at seventeen has rendered a college degree an unbelievably difficult task. Now I will not take classes this fall because I lack the deposit money, a measly $250.00
I can look at all these frustrations and say: "If only I had money and time then ____. But this is foolishness.
Had I not flawed for six years maybe I still would be in Indiana with backwards people and living a lie full of trivial nonsense and alcoholic stupor.
Had I not been negligent at seventeen I would have finished college at twenty-one, but I would never had met my wife.
If I had money I could keep my cat and live elsewhere. But I would then deprive my wife of time with her siblings.
There is brightness in ever dark. It may be faint and sometimes I must struggle to see it. But through struggling I make my eyesight acute and train my eyes to see the beauty in the ugliness. That is a wonderful gift that I am wholly convinced is well worth the effort, but time will be spent in achieving this end. Sorrow will be had. Frustrations will come and be overcome. I will hate and love, laugh and cry. It is only my worry that I will hate at the end and cry at the end rather than love and laugh. I have no assurance of the outcome within me, only without and within Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment