365 Day Bible Catch Up (Proverbs 1-4)

Catching up in Proverbs now...

1:29-33

-Because they did not accept rebuke or advice, because they hated knowledge and chose not to fear the Lord they will eat the fruit of their ways.

1:32 "For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them" - What a terrifying verse. I know I have been guilty of complacency on more than one occasion. Lord, help me to cease to be complacent.

But, luckily, 32 is counterbalanced with 33: "but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm".

Proverbs 2

1-5: If you look for it, if you search for it like its valuable (like silver or a hidden treasure) then you will find it. You will find the fear of the Lord and the knowledge of God.

10 - Wisdom will enter your heart
11 - Discretion will protect you

2:19 is somewhat distressing considering my history. "None who go to her return or attain the paths of life". Her being the wayward wife with her seductive words.

Proverbs 3

3:3-4 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man". I need to really bind these things and write them on the tablet of my heart. Let this soak in Lord.

3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight". Let this soak in as well. I need to really not lean on my own understanding (a thing I am consistently guilty of).

Here in Proverbs 3 we see a little literal? allegorical? metaphorical? account of creation:

3:19-20 "By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew". Genesis doesn't use any of this wordage and yet it makes sense on both a literal and allegorical/metaphorical account.

In light of rereading and typing my notes on Rand and her views on altruism, I can say that it is truly opposite to the Biblical approach to ethics. Proverbs 3:27-28 "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, 'Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow' - when you have it with you". Rand talks about altruistic ethics being hypothetical, asking, 'Should I act if a man is hanging on by his fingernails off a ledge' or 'Should I pull the person from a moving car'. If it is in you power, then act. That is the ethics we are to practice.

God mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble. Another point against the prideful ethics of Rand. (Proverbs 3:34).

Proverbs 4

How important is wisdom? 4:7 "Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding" or "Whatever else you get, get understanding".

Proverbs 4:14-17 warns against walking in the wicked's ways -

"Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. For they cannot sleep till they do evil; they are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence".

It's like wickedness is an addiction. You get hooked and pulled in further and further until you cannot sleep without doing evil. It gets so bad that they get trapped in it. 4:19 "But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble". Why did you do that? I don't know it just happened. Nothing in particular triggered it. It just happened. How many times has that (paraphrase) happened to me? Break my chains Lord.

Apart from you I have no good thing

Every once and awhile I get a good shock from God. Sometimes I get a strong conviction. Sometimes I get a little jab to get me to do something. And sometimes I get a stark, but gentle reminder of who God is in my life. Psalm 16:2 was a combination of all three.

"I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing'".

At first glance I was humbled by this short little passage. How true is it that I have nothing good apart from what God gives me? He has blessed me so much and given me so many good things. He's given me a beautiful, godly wife. He has given me a loving and godly family. He has given me a loving and godly in-law family. He has given me a good house. He has given me a good job. He has given me the ability to see so many parts of the world. He has given me all kinds of security. This verse was a reminder of all the things He has blessed me with.

But, then I reread the verse over and over again. Conviction. Jab. I had to look at the first part of that verse again. I say to the Lord. Unfortunately, I do not say to the Lord enough. Conviction. Jab. So here I proclaim, You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.

Notes on Peter

(Originally Written September 13, 2011 in the Journal)

St. Peter learned discipline through suffering.

God is opposed to the proud. When you put someone else down you are opposing God, not the other person.

God gives grace to the humble. Humble yourself and God gets on your side.

I need to work on this Lord. Forgive me of my pride.

Hebrews 12 - A word of encouragement: do not despair in the face of God's discipline for God disciplines those He loves.

Am I falling in love?

(Originally Written March 22, 2009 in the Journal)

I feel the compulsive necessity to write at this point. You'll never read this (even if we are to be).  This is too private for anyone else. Only you my dearest Ashley can know my secrets.

Emotions stir in me I thought were too damaged to ever thrive again. I can't say I love you. I can't say anything so strong. My mind is weak but my heart is palpable. Who shall be its molder? I can be the clay yet I search for the artist. Ever searching, ever on.

I don't know why I write. I have no reason to, yet no reason not to. I move too quickly for my own good. She has no interest in me and I am unsure if I even have interest in her. She simply is - simply is beautiful.

Infatuation? Love? Interest? Love? Desire? LOVE? Lust? LOVE? Passion? LOVE?

Where are these words coming from?

You stir something in me. I wish you didn't but I long for you to stir deeper still. I have been asleep for months. You have awoken me, or have you? Is this just another delicious dream? A mere phantasm or fantasy? The world exists but reality only exists in my head. My reality hinges on my ability to discern real reality (that is existence in my head) and REALITY (that is existence outside of there). Which is more real? To me my dreams seem more real, but that also seems to be the problem. My narcissism rages and my pride fills up my chest. Humility has taught me some great wisdom at great cost, but I'm weak in the presence of kind eyes and a warm smile. I'm weak in your presence.

Infatuation? Love? Interest? Love? Desire? LOVE? Lust? LOVE? Passion? LOVE?

I write these words, do I know their meaning?

I write infatuation. The start of all relationships. Your eyes meet mine. Eye to eye and nose to nose. You turn left while I turn right? Lip to lip? Yes my joy, yes, a kiss. Love?

Interest, I scrawl on my wrist though it can be read in every line and wrinkle of my body. When infatuation can survive its infancy, though a treacherous time, it grows stronger and less awkward. A baby flails its limbs in wayward circles as it waddles across the room. So it is as infatuation swings left to right yet forward towards interest. Love?

Desire my love, my Ashley. Your pages are filled with this - you know it well! You see my hopes, my fears, my joys and my pains, understanding them better than I. Desire grows from interest - that state of heart that flutters at your beckoning. You see it in my eyes. At times I think I see it in yours, but always accompanied by uncertainty (a feeling that plagues me deeper than God himself can fathom). Yet desire stands as a deep-rooted tree in an open field - exposed to changing winds. Will it stand strong? Love only knows. Love is omniscient right? Love?

Lust, the sex of life, you know that act so forbidden, so bemoaned, so wrong, so lovely. This, one branch of that tree so easily can be swayed by the changing winds. If I had any control of my self I would cut this son of a bitch off. I'd prune it down, so many problems arise from this branch. I have thee yet I need you. Lust, a single branch that dominates the whole damn tree if you let it. At times I forget I am said tree, losing myself as only a branch. If I let it, as I have before this tree will die. I will die. Love will die. Lust will conquer, but love conquers all? Love never fails? Could this be love?

If lust is not checked love is choked.
If lust is not checked love is choked.

How many times can I write this? It matters not - I know it. My experience teaches my mind. I know this stage - I married it. She had infatuation, interest, desire and lust. No love. I was dropped for her lust of another (and four more that she told me about). My branch cut right out from her tree. I died until I realized I was a tree myself.

The lust has subsided has it not? You and I still exist. Are we for real? Am I for real? Is this reality or is it in my mind? Is it my mind or is it existence?

Love - love can't be written. It can only be experienced. It can only be lived. It must be reality & REALITY. It must be truth and TRUTH. Do I? Do I not? Am I experiencing this or not?

A Bitter Prayer

(Originally Written June 10, 2008 in the Journal)

Lord, you are Holy and Grand. All things are yours for you have created all. Your works are known in every heart though they are only acknowledged as your works by few. Yet you extend your love to all. How merciful is the Lord of lords, the true and only God?

Lord you know my heart and mind. It is plain to you that I suffer and am in agony. There is no secret between us. How could I hide anything from you? The sins and temptations of the flesh are numerous in me. Though I am forgiven, I am still culpable. Lord forgive me of these sins and remove this self-destructive desire from my heart. I want to seek you fully.

Lord I do not know what you want me to do. I have a wife who no longer wants to be my wife. She has mistreated me and abused me. Lord, I do not wish vengeance or retribution. What I wish is for a reuniting that is pleasing to you and a love that is a witness to the glory of the Lord.

Heavenly Father I made a vow to love and cherish this woman for all of my days. I did not seek to break that vow. It is in your power to soften her heart to me. It would be an easy thing for you. Only the soft whisper of your voice would change it all. I ask with all of my heart and soul that you would have mercy on us and reignite this union. Grant us a happy, fulfilling marriage that is glorifying to you.

Lord I also ask you make it clear to me your desires for this summer. If New Horizons is where you want me open that door. I will follow you where you lead me. Please open my eyes and ears so I can follow you. I love you Lord. Instruct me in truth and wisdom so I may be upright and blameless in your sight.

The Lord came to me and said, give me your heart. I told Him it was His and I gave it freely - though occasionally it strays, it always returns to Him.

The Lord came to me and said, give me your mind. I told Him it was His and I gave it with no complaint. Though it occasionally wanders, it always returns to pondering the mysteries of the Lord.

The Lord came to me and said, give me your soul. I told Him it was His and I humbled my pride and released it to Him. Though occasionally it serves its own will, it always returns and submits to the will of its true mater, who is the Lord.

The Lord came to me and said give me your body. I told Him it was His and though I paused at the request I gave it. Occasionally my body falls to the temptations of the flesh, but His mercy forgives me of my sins and my body returns to God, to be His temple.

The Lord came to me and said, give me your hopes, dreams and ambitions. I choked on this request. My foolish pride swelled up and rebelled. I went on my own and I failed, again and again. I called out to the Lord and begged for mercy. He spoke to me in His calm, quiet way. He said, give me your hopes, dreams and ambitions and I will give you dreams you cannot even fathom. I will give you endless hope and my ambitions will replace yours. Still this was a hard and bitter pill for me to swallow. But I relented. I gave God my hopes, my dreams and my ambitions. Though I knew I would feel empty without these, the Lord has filled me to the brim. Yes, I admit my sin. That pride I swallowed tends to be regurgitated and the old fights within the glorious new and I falter. But, the new is stronger because it is Christ and I humble myself before the Lord.

The Lord then came to me and said you have given me your heart, your mind, your soul and your body. You have forsaken yourself, the one defiled by sin and death for the gift of everlasting life I have given you. You have bowed to my will. This is good. I am the sovereign Lord and for you to be justified in faith I need your all. Fear seized my body. What more do I have to give?

The Lord said to me, give me your wife, the one you love. Tears streamed from my eyes as if a river had burst a dam. My heart split in two and I fell to the floor in a heap. I prayed to God in fear and a lack of understanding. It was my very God who had joined us, who had fostered this love and now He demanded a sacrifice of it. I offered all else in futility. Still the Lord spoke, give me your wife.

Bitterly and with hesitation I am granting his request. I feel like Abraham must have when the Lord told him to sacrifice Isaac. I do not know if there will be any rams for a substitution for me. But in faith, I trust the lord my God. Trouble has been sitting in wait, pursuing every footstep of mine since I was young. When I stray to the left disaster comes. When I stray to the right calamity comes. When I step back I stumble into strife. When I hesitate and pause I am overtaken by my pursuers. Therefore, I will step forward.

My courage fails me. I am paralyzed in fear. But an inner peace, a peace that passeth all understanding stirs hope in the very depths of my soul. I pray that I do not choke it out with the concerns of my daily life and that I can keep my eyes fixed on that which is eternal. The Lord has a plan for me, though I do not know what it is. May I store up my treasures in heaven, so that I do not fall into sin by loving what I have here to the detriment of my love of God.

Lord look upon me with grace. Though you alone are worthy of my praise and adoration, what you ask of me is great and difficult. I can forsake wealth and honor, these are of no consequence to me. Though I struggle with the sins of the flesh, this is of no real importance. Knowledge I hold in high esteem, but would willingly be considered a fool for you. But to sacrifice this marriage at your feet is a bitter pill to swallow. Her love and acceptance of me was something that I had never known before. Her care for me, even as sparse as it has been recently brought me to new heights. I can endure years of torture and pain, hunger and humiliation just to hear a single kind word from her. Lord what you ask for is great indeed. But if this is what you require of me I give it. Comfort me in your Word. Instruct me in Truth so that I may better serve you.

Brief Notes on City of God - Book 1

(Originally Written June 4, 2008 in the Journal)

Notes on City of God by Augustine

Introduction

"The great lesson of the City of God is that out of all things come good" (Augustine, ix)

Book I

Great effort is needed to convince the proud of the power of humility.

The city of this world seeks to dominate but is dominated by its lust for domination.

"God's providence constantly uses war to correct and chasten the corrupt morals of mankind, as it also uses such afflictions to train men in a righteous and laudable way of life, removing to a better state those whose life is approved, or else keeping them in this world for further service" (Augustine, 6).

It is foolish to trust in gods who can be conquered and yet saved by man's hands. A god ought to be unconquerable and capable of saving man, not the other way around.

The god of Rome would have perished long ago if the Romans had not so painstakingly preserved them.

It is foolishness for men to blame the collapse of Rome on Christ when they invoked his name to save their very lives! The fall of Rome was brought about by their corrupt morals.

In the sack of Rome, the savagery of war was tempered by something new: Christianity. Pagan and Christian alike were spared in the temples of Christ. How then can Christ be blamed for the fall of Rome?

The mercy of the Lord extends to both the good and the bad. This is so the wicked can repent and come to the Lord, for God waits for all men to come. Some choose to harden their hearts, but that is their own task for destruction.

The mercy God extends will someday in the future only extend to those who accept Him.

God has willed that temporal goods and temporal evils will befall good and bad alike.

"The good man is not exalted by this world's goods; nor is he overwhelmed by this world's ills" (Augustine, 13-14).

Not all evil doing is punished in this world. Some punishment is stored up for the final judgment.

God punishes some sin in this world so that the belief in providence never ceases.

God rewards some good deeds here so that we do not believe God has no concern for temporal blessings, but other good deeds have blessings that are bestowed after this temporal life is done.

Though the suffering of the good and evil are alike, the sufferers are different. The wicked curse God under affliction; the good offer prayers to Him.

"Stir a cesspit, and a foul stench arises; stir a perfume, and a delightful fragrance ascends. But the movement is identical" (Augustine, 14).

The suffering of Christians have caused their moral improvement because they viewed them with eyes of faith.

Christians suffer justly when they do not admonish sins, for not to admonish sin is a sin itself.

The good and bad suffer because though they do not live equal lives, they both love this temporal world too much.

The worldly advantages of life are not discreditable in themselves. What is discreditable is when the Christian is unduly attached to those advantages.

The Christian loses nothing in the deprivation of temporal goods. A man can be poor in life, yet rich in spirit. A Christian ought to be content with that they have and bless the Lord for it.

Those Christians who grieve the loss of their temporal goods, though they do not love them as much as they love Christ, can learn how much sin they have committed in losing those temporal things. These Christians refused to be taught by words and so God taught them by experience.

Christ condemns the desire for riches, not the opportunity riches afford.

Those who suffer torture who have no wealth on account of wealth confess Christ. If the torturer is not swayed the tortured will still be justly rewarded in heaven.

The only thing that makes death an evil is what comes after death. We ought not worry about death because all die; we should instead focus on our destination after death.

We need not worry over the body of a man who has died. Those who can kill the body have no power over the soul. The saints who have fallen but not been given a proper burial will still be resurrected.

Suicide is never justifiable.

Purity is a virtue of the mind, not the body.

Courage endures evil, but does not condone it.

We cannot commit suicide for the Bible says we cannot kill (which implies a human being) and to kill one's self is to kill a human being.

Not all homicide is murder. God orders killing, but when He does so the man does not do the killing. He is just an instrument of God. He is like the sword that God is wielding.

Though gods may be false, worship of those gods can be sincere.

The judgment of God is inscrutable and His ways are mysterious. Sometimes we cannot comprehend why we suffer, but we can take consolation in the fact that Divine Providence is at work.

God always works suffering to result in our justification or our correction.

The saints ought not to regret this temporal life for it is their schooling for eternity.

Those who rebel against the Christian era do so that they may indulge themselves in extravagant sin.

The Church has members hidden amongst the world as the Church has ungodly hidden in its midst. But, God knows these men.

The city of God and the city of man stand interwoven and intermixed, awaiting separation on the Judgment Day.

Brief Notes on 1 Kings 9-22

(Originally Written June 3, 2008 in the Journal)

Notes on 1 Kings

Chapter 9

The Lord spoke to Solomon through Gibeon, telling Solomon that the Lord would remain faithful to the temple so long as Solomon and Israel remained faithful to the Lord. But, He warned Solomon if they turned to idols He would put the Temple to ruins.

Chapter 10

The queen of Sheba came to Solomon to see if he was as wise as his fame reported. She found it to be so and gave Solomon the largest gift ever given to a king. Solomon grew to be the wealthiest man in the world and all kings of the earth came to hear his wisdom. (It is interesting that the Scriptures state that the men came to hear the wisdom that God had given him, not to see the fortune of Solomon).

Chapter 11

Solomon sinned and married many foreign women. Solomon was swayed by the gods of his wives and did not follow the Lord with his whole heart as David had done. The Lord grew angry with Solomon and told him that He would split the kingdom, not in the lifetime of Solomon though on account of the Lord's love of David. God raised up Hadad, heir to Edom against Solomon. Also the Lord raised up Rezin, who became king of Damascus, against Solomon. The Lord raised up Jeroboam and gave to him 10 tribes of Israel to be king over.

Chapter 12

Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, went up to Schechem and spoke to Israel. They told Rehoboam they would follow him if he had an easier yoke for them than Solomon. Rehoboam consulted his father's advisors and they told him to do such. He then consulted young men of his age and they told him to press the Israelites even harder. Rehoboam took the latter advice and Israel abandoned him as king, leaving only Judah for him to rule.

Jeroboam was then made king of Israel's other ten tribes. Jeroboam then sinned against the Lord by erecting idols to the Lord to have the people worship at, rather than traveling to Jerusalem.

Chapter 13

The Lord sent up a man from Judah to the altar where Jeroboam was offering sacrifices and spoke out against Jeroboam. He told everyone that Josiah would rise up out of Judah and slaughter Israel on this altar for their sins. A prophet of Israel tricked the man of God from Judah into coming home with him and eating. As punishment the man of God from Judah was slain by a lion on his trip back home.

Chapter 14

Abijah, the son of Jeroboam grew ill so Jeroboam sent his wife to the prophet Ahijah to find out what would happen to his son. It was Ahijah that told Jeroboam initially that he would become king. Ahijah told Jeroboam's wife that her son would die because of the sins of Jeroboam. All Ahijah said happened and all of Israel mourned the death of Abijah. Jeroboam died and his son Nadab succeeded him. Jeroboam reigned for 22 years.

Rehoboam, the king of Judah sinned and the Lord punished Judah. The Egyptian king carried off the wealth of the Temple of Solomon.

Chapter 15

Abijam succeeded Rehoboam as king of Judah. Abijam warred with Jeroboam and reigned over Judah for three years. He sinned as his father Rehoboam had.

Asa, son of Abijam, succeeded Abijam and reigned for 41 years. Asa banished the prostitutes and tore down the idols of his fathers. Asa pleased the Lord.

Nadab, son of Jeroboam, king of Israel was wicked in the eyes of the Lord. He only reigned for two years over Israel.

Baasha, a son of Issachar, deposed Nadab and became king over Israel. Baasha killed off the entire house of Jeroboam. Baasha reigned for 24 years and continued the sins of Jeroboam.

Chapter 16

Elah, son of Baasha, succeeded him as king of Israel.

Zimri plotted against Elah and killed him. He then killed the whole house of Baasha as the Lord had said would happen through the prophet Jehu.

Zimri reigned for only seven days and was replaced by Omri, the general of the Israelite army.

Omri reigned for 12 years and continued the sins of Jeroboam.

Ahab succeeded his father Omri as king. Ahab reigned for 22 years over Israel, but was even more wicked than his father. Ahab turned to Baal worship. During the reign of Ahab a man from Bethel named Hiel rebuilt Jericho. He lost his two sons as the Lord said would happen through Joshua.

Chapter 17

Elijah rose up and went to king Ahab and told him that the Lord would send a drought on him. Elijah then hid in the Wadi Cherith where the Lord had ravens feed him. The wadi grew dry and the Lord sent Elijah to a widow in Sidon. There the Lord made the widow's cup of flour and cup of oil sustain her, Elijah and her son for a whole year. Elijah called upon the Lord to heal the boy and the Lord did so.

Chapter 18

Obadiah hid 100 prophets of the Lord when Jezebel, queen of Ahab began to murder the followers of the Lord.

Elijah then went to Ahab as the Lord commanded. Elijah commanded Ahab to summon Israel to Mount Carmel along with 450 prophets of Baal and 400 prophets of Asherah. Elijah spoke to the people of ISrael and said, 'if the Lord is God then follow him; if Baal is God then follow him'. Elijah called for two bulls, one for himself and one for the prophets of Baal. He said the true God would start the fire for the sacrifice. The prophets of Baal called on Baal to start the fire for hours, but Elijah mocked them. Elijah then prepared the bull on the altar to the Lord he had built and poured twelve jars of water on the holocaust. He prayed to the Lord and the fire of the Lord came down and consumed the holocaust and the altar itself. Elijah told the Israelites to kill the prophets of Baal and the Lord sent rain to parched Israel.

Chapter 19

Jezebel cursed Elijah for what he did to the prophets of Baal. Elijah walked across the desert for 40 days and nights to Mount Horeb to escape Jezebel. Elijah then went and anointed Elisha as his successor as the Lord commanded.

Chapter 20

Ben-hadad, king of Aram went to war against Ahab of Israel. The Lord then delivered the Arameans into the hands of Ahab. Ben-hadad attacked again and the Lord handed him a defeat through Israel. But, Ahab set Ben-hadad free, so the Lord's anger flared up against Ahab.

Chapter 21

Ahab went to Naboth and asked him to sell his vineyard to him, but Naboth refused because it was his ancestral heritage. Jezebel then had Naboth stoned to death and told Ahab to go and claim the field. Elijah then went and doomed the line of Ahab on cue from the Lord. Ahab humbled himself before the Lord at the news, so the Lord told Elijah that because Ahab had humbled himself he would not bring about the doom during Ahab's life.

Chapter 22

King Jehoshaphat of Judah and Ahab went to reclaim Ramoth-Gilead from Aram. Four hundred prophets of the Lord told Ahab to go, but Micaiah told him that he would be defeated. Ahab locked Micaiah in prison until he returned. Micaiah said that if he returned then the words he had spoken were not from the Lord. King Ahab was killed while he was in disguise by a stray arrow. The Israelites then fled in terror.

King Jehoshaphat reigned 25 years over Judah. He followed his father Asa and did what was right in the eyes of the Lord.

King Ahab was succeeded by his son Ahaziah. Ahaziah was wicked and worshiped Baal. He reigned only two years.

Brief Notes on Ignatius of Antioch (B)

(Originally Written June 2, 2008 in the Journal)

Lord forgive me of my sins. Do not hold them against me, but forgive me and show mercy on your servant. Today she moved out. Lord be with her and keep her from sin and draw her close to you. Do not destroy us utterly for you have united us. Is the righteous God, the Lord of lords, who is blameless and pure going to rip apart what He has united? Would He that does that which is perfect undo what He has done? Surely not. The Lord is everlasting and unchanging. Yahweh was, is and will be perfect and is the perfecter of all things. May you guard our hearts all evil and wickedness and restore joy and love to this relationship. I will follow you Lord all the days of my life. Deliver my bride to me once again Lord, I beg of you.

Notes on Early Christian Writings

Ignatius' Epistle to The Magnesians

We can only come to the presence of God in Jesus Christ by enduring in Christ all the indignities of this world while yet eluding their clutches.

You ought to obey the bishop, despite his lack of years because he is appointed by God. Do not obey him with mere lip service, but serve him as you serve the Father.

We obey bishops not because they are bishops and seen, but because of the unseen, the Holy Father, whom which knows all our secrets.

"We ought not just to have the name of Christians, but to be so in reality" (Early Christian Writings, 71).

There are two types of coins in circulation. One leads to life, the other leads to death. We must spend what we earn. If you earn the coins of God you will spend them on life; but, if you earn the coins of the world you wills surely spend them on death.

"Unless we are ready and willing to die in conformity with His passion, His life is not in us" (Early Christian Writings, 72).

(Warning against the Judaizing Heresy) The old practice of Judaism show a lack of faith in Jesus Christ. Their prophets were under grace because they were in tune with Christ.

Change from the old, which has grown stale and sour to the new, which is Christ.

Christianity ought not look to Judaism, but Judaism to Christianity.

Be submissive to one another.

Ignatius' Epistle to the Trallians

Ignatius yearns for martyrdom though he is doubtful of his worthiness. He prays for humility.

He warns them to guard against heresy, especially Docetism.

Ignatius' Epistle to the Romans

He encourages the Romans not to interfere with his sentence. "Suffer me to be a libation poured out to God, while there is still an altar ready for me" (Early Christian Writings, 85-86).

Good does not lie in what our eyes can see but in Christ Jesus.

"Christianity lies in achieving greatness in the face of a world's hatred" (Early Christian Writings, 86).

Do not have Christ upon your lips with the world in your heart.

Christ is the faithful mouthpiece by which the Father's words of truth find utterance.

Ignatius' Epistle to the Philadelphians

He encourages the Philadelphians to follow their bishop like sheep to guard against heresy.

"Those who wander in outlandish byways of doctrine must forfeit all part in the Lord's passion" (Early Christian Writings, 94). Ignatius places heavy emphasis on doctrine, but also on practicing what that doctrine is. To him, empty words or lip-service is as deadly as the heresy itself.

God does not dwell where there is disunity or bad blood.

Christ is the doorstep to the Father.

Ignatius' Epistle to the Smyraneans

He calls the Church of Smyrna to be unified in Christ: Jews and Gentiles alike.

He warns against Docetic beliefs. He implores them to acknowledge the flesh and blood birth, life, death and resurrection of Christ Jesus. He claims that if what Christ did was merely an illusion than his own claims must be illusionary as well.

Christ gives us strength.

He urges them to pray for those who have fallen prey to Doceticism so that they can have a better frame of mind to accept Christ Jesus.

Faith and love are everything; they must come before all.

Endure all things for Christ's sake and you will attain to Him in the end.

Ignatius' Epistle to Polycarp

There is no more important task to the bishops than unity.

Spend time in constant prayer, begging for wisdom.

"The heavier the labor, the richer the reward" (Early Christian Writings, 109).

The mark of a champion is to be able to stand in the face of punishment and still come off victorious. It is our duty to accept trails of all kinds if we are to be accepted by the Lord.

The honor God should be the aim in everything you do.

"A Christian, after all is not his own master; he puts his time at God's disposal" (Early Christian Writings, 111).

Brief Notes on Clement of Rome (B)

(Originally Written June 1, 2008 in the Journal)

Why do I turn my back on you Lord? Why do I fall so easily to temptation? I am dedicated. I give my all, but I fall so easily to the temptations. Lord forgive me for my weakness. I do not know what to do. I give this to you. Teach me to be chaste and strong in you. I disgust myself we these ways. Lord forgive this wicked sinner and cleanse him from his vile nature.

Notes on Early Christian Writings

I Clement (continued)

Clement admonishes the Corinthians for removing the bishops and deacons of their church because they were appointed by the apostles or other wise men who were appointed by Christ who was appointed by God. Thus, all those appointed were appointed by God.

He says to them it was wrong to persecute righteous men because in the Scriptures, only the wicked persecute the righteous.

He admonishes them for quarreling and extols them to become united again.

We must seek to better the community of Christ before we better ourselves and if we come to be looked upon in high esteem we must be ever the more humble.

Without love, Christianity is impossible. The perfection of love is beyond words. Let us pray to be found faultless in love.

Let us pray for those who have fallen from grace that they may be given unselfishness to submit to the Lord.

Remind them that "happy is the man the Lord reproves...for though he inflicts pain, yet afterwards he makes whole again" (Early Christian Writings, 46).

We find mercy through his holy correction.

Make us clean oh Lord with the cleansing of thy truth.

Jesus Christ is the High Priest and the Guardian of our souls.

"It is a moral duty for us to bow the head and take our seat on the stool of submission" (Early Christian Writings, 49).

Brief Notes on Clement of Rome (A)

(Originally Written May 31, 2008 in the Journal)

Praise the Lord for today because this is the day that the Lord has made. May all of heaven and earth proclaim your holy name and may your glory be acknowledged throughout all time! There is no God but the one true God, the God of Jacob! Praise the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Praise you for the beauty of the earth, the birds of the sky and the fish of the deep. Praise you for all things good and praise you for even the troubles that have befallen me because they have drawn me nearer to you.
I was thinking on the words of Rob Bell in Velvet Elvis. He talked of faith like a trampoline vs. faith like a wall. When you have faith like a trampoline then doctrine is the springs that propel you upwards toward God. When you have faith like a wall each doctrine fits in a certain place and if you remove one, the wall starts to crumble. He talked of a man who said if you deny the literal seven day creation you deny the resurrection of Jesus Christ. This seems false and destructive. But, I believe doctrine is vital to Christianity.

To deny the literalism of creation is not to deny the resurrection of Christ. But to deny the validity of any passage of the Bible is to reject the Word of God. You cannot deny any part of the Bible as valid and be Christian. A passage may be taken as poetic or figurative or literal, but it is valid always. You cannot make piecemeal of the Scriptures. Doctrine is man's interpretation of Scriptures and thus, fallible, where the Scriptures are not. But the Lord has endowed us with reason and we must make proper use of it.

Thank you Lord for today! I picked up the Penguin Classics Early Christian Writings today and will be reading it in conjunction with Bible readings.

Notes on Early Christian Writings

Clement of Rome

Clement seems to have been the fourth bishop of Rome, following Peter, Linus and Anencletus. The date of Clement's epistle to the Corinthians seems to have been written around 96 A.D. The letter shows Clement's extensive knowledge of the Scriptures, which as a Gentile, meant the Septuagint. He also shows a strong familiarity of the books that became the New Testament. He writes of harmony and draws also on Stoic Philosophy. While he combines the Hebrew Scriptures with Stoic philosophy, he subordinates Stoic Philosophy to Christian vision. Clement also uses strong Trinitarian language, much stronger than found in the New Testament.

1 Clement

Clement praises the Corinthian church for how they used to act. "Always you were ready for any deed of goodness...whatever you did was done in fear of God" (Early Christian Writings, 24).

The Clement extols them for having fallen back to their evil ways. They have traded folly for wisdom. "All have fallen back into the horrid sin of envy - the sin that brought death into the world" (Early Christian Writings, 24).

He encourages them to turn from envy and follow the examples of Peter and Paul. He reminds them that many of the elect have been tormented by envy and had to fight it unto their very deaths. He warns them that envy has ruined marriages and overthrown cities and nations. He tells them to turn from envy and reflect on the preciousness of the Blood of Christ, which is an outpouring of salvation and has opened grace of repentance to mankind.

The Lord always opens up the chance for man to repent. It is never too late.

The Lord never forsakes those who place their hope in Him, but puts pain and penalty on those who rebel against Him.

He calls on them to be humble and show forgiveness.

"Christ belongs to the lowly of heart" (Early Christian Writings, 29).

He tells them that humility is always found in the great men of God: in Elisha, in Elijah, in Job, in Ezekiel, in David and even in Christ, all of whom had reason to be proud.

He encourages them to aim to achieve the tranquility of which we were made to be in. He states even nature operates in harmony with itself: night and day, the seasons. These fulfill God's plans for them.

He tells them to respect those who God has set over them. He says to teach the children in Christian thought.

He reminds them that mercy will be shown to those who set their hopes on the Lord.

He warns them not to doubt the resurrection because there is evidence of the resurrection all around them.

He tells them that, "untruth is the only thing that is impossible to God" (Early Christian Writings, 34).

He reminds them that there is nothing that the Lord does not see or hear.

He calls on the Corinthians to give up everything that is opposed to God because they are God's chosen portion.

He reminds them that God rewards faith and that they are justified by faith.

He tells us that though we are justified by faith we ought to strive to good works because the Lord himself delights in working.

The Lord has mad man in His own image and blessed him, commanding man to increase and multiply.

We must put forth all our effort into the work of righteousness.

We must wait in patience for the Lord and He will bestow the greatness and beauty of His gifts upon us.

Men who do things that are detestable are held in detestation by the Lord. Not only this, but men who consent to these things are held in detestation.

Chapter 10 - Protagoras

(Originally written July 6, 2006 in Book 2)

A skeptic & the chief sophist.

Sophists were men who taught young men things that were of practical use. They taught men how to be their own lawyers in court (which if one was in court, one had to do).

Born about 500 BC in Abdera (Thrace)

He made a code of laws for the city of Thurii.

Believed that "man is the measure of all things" which is interpreted as "each man is the measure of all things, and that, when men differ, there is no objective truth in virtue of which one is right and the other wrong" (Russell, 77).

Believed one opinion can be better than another, but not truer.

Sophists did not connect philosophy or whatever they taught with virtue and religion.

They taught how to argue any position, like modern lawyers.

The disconnection of virtue from teaching appalled the religion oriented (Orphic) philosophers. THey felt arguing any point simply to be victorious in court was immoral.

The sophists followed this maxim: "The pursuit of truth, when it is whole-hearted, must ignore moral considerations, we cannot know in advance that the truth will turnout to be what is thought edifying in a given society" (Russell, 78).

As part I of Book I comes to a close I see this as a nice ending point of my notebook. Thus ends, Book II: Bertrand Russell.

Bertrand Russell is a philosopher whom I have a love-hate relationship with. I love him because he was the catalyst to my philosophical interest. I hate him because of his anti-Christian rhetoric. He reads easy to me, mainly because of the debt I owe him; partly because his style was the first I encountered. Protagoras said that "man is the measure of all things" but fore me it is Bertrand Russell who is the measure of all things (at least all things philosophical by nature or sentiment).

In part my philosophical writings and theories are a reaction to him. It was he who awakened me from my dogmatic slumber. It is his ghost I chase and run from, his words that inspire and stir me.

It is funny or ironic or justice or anything you wish to call it, save for coincidental (of which there can be no such thing) that Bertrand Russell was used to stir me. His lack of faith has strengthened mine. At the very least he was the cause of my philosophical beginnings and my complete reassessment and rejuvenation of learning.

Thank you Mr. Russell for your words. Although they are tragically and sadly, fatally flawed they have inspired me. While credit is due you, it also due to a greater cause as well. This is the first cause: God. Unbeknownst to you, Mr. Russell, and in spite of yourself, you were an instrument of God. God used you to work in me. It's funny, He truly works in mysterious ways.

I aspire to be great someday. Vanity? Yes, it is true. But, I can honestly say that vanity is but a tiny portion of what I aspire. I truly strive to increase the numbers of my brothers and sisters in Christ. God's glory is everlasting, may there be even one encouraged by my writing then God be praised.

His everlasting glory surrounds His children in awe-inspiring fashion. If I am fortunate to pen or speak one ounce of truth then God deserves the thanks. I am no great, man, I am barely a man. I am an infant, weak and helpless. I strive to be such.

The moment I consider myself more than a babe I doom myself to fall. Pride is my downfall; humility my shield. Both pride and humility are God's, but I, a mere man am ill-equipped to handle the strength of pride. It would corrupt me wholly and severely. Therefore, I will keep humility in all I do to guard against myself.

Pride does not make man great, it makes him weak. Pride demands too much. It clouds one's vision. If I be proud, I be content. If I be content, I no longer hunger. Without hunger I am not driven, no drive, no progress. Pride creates a stagnant stench. Humility keeps one clean. Wash me oh Lord of my vain pride. Wipe the stench from me. I ask for humility which leads to a hunger, hunger to knowledge, knowledge to truth and truth to God.

I wish and pray that all come to find God. I mourn all those who do not find him. I mourn the loss of a brother or sister. Death causes unbearable pain for a moment. But death without God is unbearable eternity.

No man may truly know another's heart. No man is fit to judge what they cannot see. Not now nor ever could I judge your heart Mr. Russell. It seems thought that pride took you and you chose not to accept God. If you are gone, I mourn you. We could have been brothers.

A mind so sharp as yours could have been greater if only you had a heart for God. I may never have so sharp a mind, but my heart is pure. May my mind catch my heart someday and my heart be purer still. Wash the pride from me God, so I can serve you and my fellow man. This is my prayer. Amen.

Book II
Bertrand Russell

August 05? or September 05 - July 7, 2006.

A New Concept of Egoism

(Originally written June 30, 2006 in Book 3)

The Virtue of Selfishness: A new concept of Egoism
Ayn Rand

2. Mental Health Vs. Mysticism and Self-Sacrifice

Nathaniel Branden

Healthy minds are those that function to control reality enough to sustain life.

Linehan - Can reality truly be controlled?

Self-esteem is the ultimate control of reality at man's disposal.

Self-esteem is the reward given to a mind that is 'fully committed to reason'

Reason demands that one never subverts consciousness, so consciousness can provide perception, cognition and the control of action.

Self-esteem is necessary for man to deal with reality successfully.

Anxiety and guilt are opposite to self-esteem. They are signals of mental illness. They distort values.

"Self-esteem is a metaphysical estimate" (Rand, 37).

Mysticism and self-sacrificial doctrines are existentially and psychologically destructive.

"Faith is the commitment of one's consciousness to beliefs for which one has no sensory evidence or rational proof... Faith is the equating of feeling with knowledge" (Rand, 37).

In order to have faith one must subdue reason and rationality. Reason becomes guilt when faith is found.

Faith destroys reason.

John Galt - "The alleged shortcut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short circuit destroys the mind"  (Rand, 38).

Either a mind is absolutely rational or it is subject to faith, destroying all rationality.

"When one turns from reason to faith, when one rejects the absolutism of reality, one undercuts the absolutism of one's consciousness - and one's mind becomes an organ one cannot trust any longer" (Rand, 38).

Linehan - Reality is absolute? What reality? If one's consciousness is absolute then reality cannot be absolutes. There can only be one absolute. Either it is consciousness of one or it is reality. If it is one's consciousness then reality is the tool of the absolute conscious. This would leave us with purely subjective realities because there are billions of consciousnesses. If reality is absolute then the consciousness of anyone must conform to reality. Both reality and consciousness cannot be absolute.

A supernatural being makes reality uncontrollable. It makes the universe a haunted house.

A supernatural creator of altruism is a sadist.

Humility is the renunciation of the mind.

Linehan - This is completely absurd. Humility does not demand that one is never happy with one's achievements. It demands that one does not count his achievements as absolute, thus making him sure that he himself is not absolute.

Self-sacrifice is equal to mind sacrifice.

"A sacrifice... means the surrender of a higher value in favor of a lower value or of a non-value" (Rand, 40). The opposite is not sacrifice, it is a gain.

Values are hierarchical and if man is rational, the hierarchy of values is rational.

Traditional morality creates a dichotomy between moral acts and practical acts.

Traditional morality expects hypocrisy to sustain life.

Traditional morality has created these ills:
1) Autistic children via a threat of hell
2) Guilt in children
3) Homosexual adolescents via calling sex evil and stating, "women are to be worshipped, but not desired" (Rand, 42).
4) Anxiety attacks because of success via the threat of hell
5) Neurotic people who give up hope of happiness.

Standing by and letting traditional morality stay in practice by denying the possibility of a rational morality is equivalent to spiritual murder.

Romans 1-7 & a prayer

(Originally written July 10, 2005 in Talks With God)

I believe you have answered my prayer! I will talk to Zack about a position for evenings and weekends. If this is not your will for me to work, close that door. Thank you Lord.

I was really moved by the sermon this morning. God you are glorious. You are amazing and I am in awe of you. I truly love you with all of my heart, not only in words. I have a deep, burning desire to serve you. Back in a moment, but first...

But even with that desire I am faulty. I have a hard time controlling my impulses. Help me to overcome my impulses. Lord I am willing but I am weak. Help me and please forgive me of my sins. I know sin has consequences and I am willing to accept mine. Forgive me Lord.

Back to this morning's message though. I am inspired to read Romans. I will split time between it and Isaiah if you don't object. I love you Lord.

Romans 2:29b "Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God"

Lord let me not seek praise from men, but let me seek glory for the kingdom of Heaven. This way I can have my reward in Heaven. I seek riches and praise and I desire glory and honor. But let me receive such things from you. For as man's knowledge and wisdom is foolishness to you, so are such things. Money, power and authority are temporary. Let me live a life that warrants glory for you and eternal life for me.

Romans 3:23-24 "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus".

Lord, I am full of sin. I fall short of your glory on a daily basis. Your grace is what gets me through day by day. Every breath is a gift from you. Let me lean on you for strength and redemption. Let me prosper so that the kingdom of Heaven may grow. Make me as Paul in this verse:

Romans 1:1 "Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God"

Let it be written in your heart that I can be a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be a disciple of the Almighty God and set apart for the will of God. Let it be written in your eternal heart, not for my sake, but for the sake of your Holy Name. Let it be a glorious victory over evil for you. For you have called a wicked man, such as me, out of sin. Let it be known on this day, July 10, 2005 that I have answered your call the same call given to Abraham thousands of years ago. I will serve the true Lord. I lay my life down at your feet. I sacrifice my hopes, desires and dreams to do your work. Not for my glory will work be done, but for the Glory of God.

Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit. It is because of Him that I will not only accept but rejoice in suffering. All of my life I have induced my own suffering. Had it not been for my foolish decisions I would not be humble enough to accept my calling of servitude. Without the Holy Spirit, I would be a bitter, bitter person. I have suffered so little compared to some but it is enough to have put me on my knees. And instead of laying down in defeat you have raised me up for victory. This accomplishment is not mine, but fully and only yours. I am excited to see more victories for you and ready to learn from my own failings. If I were not so imperfect Lord you could accomplish so much through me. Not for my glory but for yours. Help me to become more righteous so that the kingdom of Heaven can be more glorified.

Lord I am shaking with nervous excitement over your Word. I can barely hold it in. I live through Jesus who lives eternally! Sin lives in me, but I have died to sin. Because of the grace given to me, by Jesus christ I am alive and well! The sin in me will never die, but I will die to sin, so that I can live in righteousness. I cannot do what I want to do, which is good, because the sin is stronger than me. But I do what is good because He who dwells in me (Jesus Christ) is stronger than me and has defeated sin. All the good that is accomplished through my wretched body is because the Holy Spirit, given to me by Jesus Christ, is shining through the darkness of my sin. Keep peeling away the darkness of sin in my life so that I may be transparent and the light of the Holy Spirit can fully shine in me. Accomplish your goals, win your victories, shine your eternal light! I will fail and sin will overtake me, but you who have shown grace to me are stronger than the sin that plagues me. I will strive to follow the Holy Spirit so that I can be made righteous. By being righteous you will win many victories through me. I, in the flesh, am not fit to do your work, but the Holy Spirit, whom you have sent to me can accomplish great things. Use my body as a vessel to achieve your glory. I am ready to be pruned and stripped of iniquities, however painful the process may be. Give me strength to stand through this. Grant me courage to pursue this. Grant me your wisdom to continue to ask for what seems painful.

Isaiah 28-29 & prayer

(Originally July 5, 2005 in Talks With God)

Lord forgive me for living in sin. As I write you I sin, but I am too weak and too insufficient to stop. Not that I was made that way, but because I haven't the will power to stop myself. Forgive me for lying yesterday. Lord, I am a wretched, wretched man. If not for the grace you abundantly and constantly show me I would be utterly and completely lost. If it is in your heart tonight please forgive me. I cannot promise that I won't make the same stupid mistake again, but I will promise that I will strive every day to be more Christlike and work to fulfill your plans. Help me to understand the reading tonight.

Isaiah 28-29

Lord, I am like Ephraim, staggering in drunkenness and filling the world with vomit. Everything I do is unclear because I am unclean. Lord make me clear so that I can please you with what I do. Take away my taste and appetite for self-destruction. Replace it with a burning desire to be holy and righteous and good. I desire you and aspire to be like you, but make it strong. Lord, humble me more so I can better worship you. Strip me of prideful iniquities, so I can better serve you. Remove the filth and stench of my sinful ways so that I can be a witness to your greatness. I am struck with awe and wonder and amazement so that when I begin to sin I am moved to stop and do what is good. Lord, this is my prayer.  Please hear it.

Isaiah 2-3 & a prayer

(Originally written June 17, 2005 in Talks with God)

Today was a long day Lord. I am tired and somewhat frustrated. Help me to be an influence and help me to stay focused. Help me to stay positive. Give me the strength needed to get through the day tomorrow.

Isaiah 2

Let me not be a man who hides from the dread of the Lord. Let me not be a foolish man who clings to his pride. Humble me now so that I can be forgiven. Make my idols totally disappear.

Isaiah 3

Let me not be wicked. Let not my sin bring down the God of Jacob. Let my life be filled with righteousness. Not my own, but God's. Who am I to be righteous? Who am I to be strong? Let me be strong in you and not in my own futile weakness.

Lord lift up the workers in this place. Let us not be divided. Let us lead like men and women of God. Do not destroy us like Sodom & Gomorra. Do not let us fall as Judah & Jerusalem. Lift us up with your strength. Hear my prayer.