Weak Faith

The prayer at the bottom of the Alcoholics Anonymous schedule reads "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference". I'll be going to my first meeting tonight and I'm not incredibly thrilled by it. It's necessary because something has to change, but I'll be honest I don't want to give up alcohol indefinitely. That is an admission of failure. I'm unable to control an aspect of myself and I don't like that. But, I'll go into it with an open mind and a hope that I can conquer this regrettable character flaw that is wreaking such havoc in my life. But, I do think about Augustine's rather funny and all too serious prayer: "God grant me chastity, but not yet". I pray for sobriety, but not for a lifetime of abstinence. I want to have a glass of wine, or a beer later on in life. I have to put on complete abstinence for a good long while, but when I travel to France or Italy I'd like to taste wines.

I looked for the Scripture about weak and strong faith to sort of bolster my hope that through a stronger faith I could once again get to the point where I can enjoy alcohol, albeit responsibly. I'm not sure what I've found from it.

"One person's faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables." (Romans 14:2). This gives me the hope that when my faith is stronger I can enjoy the occasional glass of wine or beer. Obviously, I can't have the benders that I've been prone to, but enjoyed responsibly I can do it. Because like Paul states later "I am convinced, being persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself" (Romans 14:14). I don't have the conviction that alcohol is bad or wrong per se, only that I haven't mastered it.

But, while hopeful as this is, later Paul states "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" (Romans 14:17). It stings because I know there is a part of me that wishes to conquer this addiction to or proclivity toward excess so that I can enjoy the matters of eating and drinking. Rather than this be my focus I should instead focus on the kingdom of God, which is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. That is my prayer Lord, that I would focus not on the kingdom of this world, but the kingdom of God. But I do pray a reversed version of Augustine's silly but serious prayer, God grant me sobriety, but not abstinence. I do humbly petition this.