The Absurd Race

In some science fiction work I need to incorporate a bunch of different philosophies and place them in a constructed world. One of the races needs to be built on Camus' ideal of the absurd Man

A Kierkegaard Quote

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil, no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads. This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world. The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.

Soren Kierkegaard 

A Century of Posts

We are now at a full 100 posts on the blog! Aren't we excited? I know that I am. And given my love of the Byzantine filing system that I'm employing on From the Egg to The Apple we now can quantify what I've been talking about in my last 100 posts. Of course this is somewhat skewed as I'm digitizing numerous other journals to put it all into one source. Once that's all done I'll do this based on chronology! I'll bet you're looking forward to that. Without further ado, here is the breakdown of my current thoughts by categories and some comments to go along with them.

1. Overarching Topics

- Christianity, 57 posts (57%)
- Philosophy, 41 posts (41%)
- Art, 33 posts, (33%)
- Writing (my stories), 6 posts, (6%)
- Literature, 3 posts (3%)

Art probably shouldn't be an overarching topic, but at 33% it sort of needs to stay in there for the time being, but all of those posts are tied to Aesthetics.

I should probably have more than 6% of my posts being about my stories, but this is probably a bit distorted due to the fact that I'm blogging past journals. I don't know what my goal should be, but it should probably be higher than 6%.

2. Under the heading of Christianity, % based on posts tagged Christianity.

- Faith, 22 (38.6%)
- Theology, 21 (36.84%)
- Early Church, 12 (21.05%)
- Idol/Idolatry, 10 (17.54%)
-Godliness 8 (14.04%)
-Salvation 7 (12.28%)
-Baal 6 (10.53%)
-Heresy 6 (10.53%)
-Truth 6 (10.53%)
-Holiness 6 (10.53%)
-Humble 5 (8.77%)
-Suffering 5 (8.77%)

I made 8.77% the cutoff for an arbitrary reason.

Godliness should be higher since that's my current topic of interest. I'll work on that.

3. Biblical Figures (% based on posts tagged Christianity)

-Jesus 10 (17.54%)
-David 9 (15.79%)
-Paul 9 (15.79%)
-Joshua 8 (14.04%)
-Moses 8 (14.04%)
-Aaron 6 (10.53%)
-Saul 5 (8.77%)

Continuing with the arbitrary 8.77% policy.

Thank God Jesus is the highest one on this list, otherwise I'd be doing something wrong in my research on Christianity...

Joshua might be skewed because I've tagged both the figure and the book "Joshua". I'm not going back to change that.

4. Books of the Bible (% based on posts tagged Christianity)

-Joshua 8 (14.04%)
-Numbers 4 (7.02%)
-1 Timothy 3 (5.26%)
-2 Corinthians 3 (5.26%)
-Deuteronomy 3 (5.26%)
-Leviticus 3 (5.26%)

I didn't continue the 8.77% policy because it wouldn't work here. I chose 5.26% for the same reasons as the 8.77 number in previous categories, that is to say, no particular one at all.

5. Under the heading of philosophy (% based on posts tagged Philosophy)

-Aesthetics 33 (80.49%)
-Problem of Evil 9 (21.95%)
-Philosophy of Language 5 (12.20%)
-Philosophy of Religion 5 (12.20%)
-Epistemology 3 (7.32%)
-Political Philosophy 1 (2.44%)

6. A breakdown of Philosophers/Authors/Thinkers (%based on 100 posts)

-Tolstoy 30, (30%)
-Augustine 7 (7%)
-Burke 4 (4%)
-Hegel 3 (3%)
-Kant 3 (3%)
-Polycarp (3%)

Tolstoy heavy, but the current journal I'm working through included his book on Aesthetics, so that was expected. Burke is a bit of a surprise at 4% though.

Augustine is a favorite of mine so we'll see how long he remains second.

7. A breakdown of personal notes in the blog (% based on 100 posts)

-Prayer 37 (37%)
-Divorce 28 (28%)
-Separation Anxiety (27%)
-Alcohol 6 (6%)

Considering the current journal is from 2008, the divorce and separation anxiety isn't much of a surprise. Hopefully it will fall as I reach the next century of posts.

8. Writing (my writing that is) % based on posts tagged writing

-A Cornish Mess 3 (50%)

Everything else came in at 1 post (16.67%)

9. The "OTHER" Category

- Doctor Who 2, 2% of total
-Current Events 1, 1% of total
-Douglas Adams 1, 1% of total
-Roman History 1, 1% of total

I need more current events to be a better thinker. But, I'm in the mood for some Douglas Adams and Dr. Who

Godly Sorrow

Um, duh. Kinda missed the godly word in my reading. It's right there in 2 Corinthians 7:11.

"See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter"

So what is Godly sorrow? It's an awareness of our own sins. The ungodly don't have to worry about their moral shortcomings because it doesn't matter to them. But those who are striving to be godly and live a life that is pleasing to God must constantly assess their lives and root out the sin in them. When we sin we should feel this godly sorrow so that this sorrow can lead to repentance. Since godliness is a foundational attribute that I am seeking out, the natural expression of godliness when I go against the will of God ought to be sorrow, horror and indignation at my mistake. Lord, I ask you to forgive me of my multitude of sins. I am humbly seeking you Lord for answers. Forgive me and help me to walk with you. Help me to cease to do what is evil and learn to do what is good.

The Promises of God

I think I found the "godly" word I was looking for in 2 Corinthians 7. But, in the NIV it is translated as holiness. It's connected to some promises Paul is reiterating in 2 Corinthians 6.

"I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." (2 Corinthians 6:16-18).

Paul then states since we have these incredible promises from God lets purify ourselves and live godly lives perfecting the holiness that we strive for. This is my prayer Lord, that I can purify myself before you and strive for the perfection of holiness.

Sorrow & Repentance

In continuing the search for godliness I cam to both 2 Corinthians chapter 1 and chapter 7 but the word 'godly' wasn't in either one. I was confused in reading Chapter 1, mainly because I was looking for the specific word and missed much of the message, but in Chapter 7 I gleaned a couple of things.

"Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death" (2 Corinthians 7:8-10).

The difference between being sorry in the world and sorry in Christ is twofold. Being sorry in the world's terms leaves one feeling regret and on the road to death. But being sorry in Christ brings about repentance and salvation. In my recent struggles with alcohol I could easily be sorry because of the way my drinking has affected things externally. But in taking the approach of tackling it by going for God I do not go down the path of regret, but down the one to repentance and salvation. Hear my prayer God. I repent to you of my sin. I feel sorrow for the pain I've inflicted, especially on my wife. Lead me not into temptation and help me to stay on the straight path to you. Help me find godliness (and another passage that actually has the term in it). Amen.

The Weltschmerz of Felix Weisse

In going through the long and tedious notes about aesthetics and What is Art by Tolstoy that I took nearly seven years ago... (Incredibly seven years ago was 2008???) I came across an interesting theory coming from Christian Felix Weiße. [on a side note I'm pretty pumped that I got the ß symbol on first guess on this Mac Keyboard]. Anyway, Christian Felix Wieße was a German writer and philosopher of education. He had this theory that Art comes into being through the introduction of spiritual reality into external, dead, indifferent matter. All I could think of was the Living Plastic from Doctor Who.

So I thought a good short story idea might be centered around this theory.

Think an artist suffering from Weltschmerz bringing to life work by introducing a spiritual reality into "external, dead, indifferent matter", a gestalt intelligence and mayhem.

The Weltschmerz of Felix Weisse

Godly in Acts 8

In continuing to understand what it means to be godly I've come to the next instance in the Bible, Acts 8.

"Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him" (Acts 8:2).

This doesn't tell us a whole deal about godliness, so I backed up to Acts 6 & 7 and read about Stephen.

Stephen was a man full of God's grace and power (Acts 6:8). Many leaders of the Jews rose up in opposition to him, but "They could not stand up against the wisdom the Spirit gave him" (6:10). So to get Stephen in trouble they lied about him and Stephen wound up in front of the Sanhedrin for trial.

In chapter 7 Stephen gave an account of the History of Israel and how it led to the people always turning their backs on God and his prophets up to the killing of Jesus. He calls out to them "You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit!" (Acts 7:51).

The Sanhedrin stoned Stephen and yet Stephen saw God as he was being murdered. In the end, he followed Christ's example and asked the Father not to hold his murderers accountable for the sin they were committing. That is exact godliness. That is Christ-like in all that it can be.

So, Chapter 8 begins with Saul's persecution of the Church. With persecution breaking out against the Christians in Jerusalem, the apostles are scattered. But, "Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him" (Acts 8:2). It's apparent that Stephen was godly as testified in the account of his death. But, I had to dig a bit deeper into some commentaries to understand why those who buried him were godly.

According to David Guzik's commentary, the godly men who buried Stephen and lamented over his death were breaking Jewish law as it was against the Law to mourn for someone who was executed. This shows that these men were breaking with custom to be God-like rather than religious. They felt sorrow for the loss of Stephen and remorse for him being killed. A godly lesson from this is to do what is right in God's eyes, rather than following custom or tradition.

From this little reading I have this prayer: Lord, help me to continue to learn what it is to be godly so that my character can be built up in your image. Also help me to not be like the Sanhedrin and always resist the Holy Spirit. Give me the grace of Stephen to forgive as Christ forgave. Grow me closer to you so that your Spirit may move through me freely.

A funny anecdote from Tolstoy on the state of the world

In digging up the old journals and writings of the last 10-13 years I've found so far that I was once smarter than I am now - or at least I appeared so. I've also found things that struck me as funny back then, don't strike me as funny now or the opposite. But, there are a few things that were funny to me then and funny to me now. This is one of them. In rewriting the notes on Tolstoy I found a funny little quip about how Tolstoy was bemoaning the state of affairs and the current lack of morality in the present age.

"Half a century ago no explanation would have been neeeded of the words 'important', 'good' and 'moral, but in our time nine out of ten educated people, at these words, will ask with a triumphant air: 'What is important, good or moral?' assuming that these words express something conditional and not admitting of definition, and therefore I must answer this anticipated objection" (Maude, 55).

I can't think how many times I've heard somebody say on the news that the world is going to hell in a hand basket because of the decaying morals of today's youth. Tolstoy thought the same thing - in 1895. I picture him sitting on his porch, yelling at the neighborhood children to get off his lawn and bemoaning the lack of discipline in today's society. (Not to say he isn't right, just that it's funny every generation thinks the upcoming one is so much morally reprehensible).

God listens to the godly man

In continuing my quest I read John 9, the next occurrence of some form of the word 'godly' in the Scriptures. I posted in my last blurb about the dangers of trying to abstract some philosophy or theology from a particular passage when the person who interacted with Jesus simply believed and that was good enough for him. It should be good enough for us. But, I came to John 9 to find out more about godliness. The word godly occurs in verse 31.

"We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will" (John 9:31).

Again, we find a command and a promise in understanding God, albeit in a slightly different wording. The promise is that God listens to the godly man. The command is doing God's will. So in understanding what it means to be godly we know that we must do God's will. In return for doing God's will He will listen to us.

From this section we learn a little bit more about what it means to be godly. First, it means to do the will of God. Second, we learn that God listens to the godly man. We also learn a little bit about godliness based on who God doesn't listen to. God doesn't listen to sinners. So a godly man is one who does the will of God and is not a sinner. Lord, help me to refrain from sin and to do your will. Show me what your will is so that I can do it. Treat me like the blind man. I am asking Who is he so that I may believe in Him. Hear my prayer my Lord. Bend my will to yours. I want desperately to be godly.

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

John 9 tells of a miracle that Jesus performed. In 9:1-12 John records Jesus healing a man who had been blind from birth. His disciples, assuming that the man's blindness had been caused by sin asks Jesus who had sinned, the man or the man's parents. Jesus however, states that there was no one at blame for the man's blindness. Rather, the man's blindness was there so that the work of God might be displayed in the man's life. Jesus then heals the man.

This brings up an unique aspect of the Problem of Evil and the fairness of God. How is it fair that nobody's sin had been the cause of this physical evil? If God, is all-Good then the man wouldn't have been born blind. If God, is all powerful then God could have prevented the man from being blind from birth. But the fact of the matter was that the man was born blind and nobody's sin was at blame. If God was going to perform a miracle, fine. But, what of the whole part of the man's life left in blindness? Is that fair of God to use a man's life as an object lesson for eternity?

I thought about this hard for a second and couldn't untangle it in any type of acceptable way so I simply read on. The problem with abstracting philosophical or theological points from a particular part of Scripture is that abstracting doesn't work with God or even man. The blind man's reaction to the healing shoots any philosophical or theological nugget we might have gleaned from the subject. The man, having heard that he was blind from birth "so that the work of God might be displayed in his life" may have felt aggrieved at having been subjected to lifelong blindness. The problem with that is, he wasn't. We can armchair quarterback God and say this wasn't fair to the man, but fairness is something that only comes in the eye of the beholder and in this case, the blind man's eyes were opened and he didn't once question the fairness of the situation.

No, instead he proclaimed Jesus. He calls out the Pharisees who were looking to trap Jesus on a religious technicality (working on the Sabbath) or line him up as a heretic. But, in the face of being possibly ejected from the Synagogue, he states, "If this man were not from God, he could do nothing" to refute the teachers of the Law. Jesus then asks the man if he believed in the Son of Man and the man simply said, tell me who he is so that he can believe in him. He then believed. No questioning the fairness. No questioning where Jesus came from. He simply believed and was healed.

The Beginning of The Bulgogi

There is most probably a heaven. I say most probably because I've seen the other end. There is most definitely a hell. I've traveled and wandered far enough in my time to find myself at its gates numerous occasions. On a side note - there are many entrances to hell, but I haven't found an exit sign anywhere. This however, is a story of an entirely different matter.

In addition to the probable existence of heave, the definitive existence of hell and its many gates there is of course, this life. But, there is also the in between or the in betwixt, a middle zone. This is the story of the middle zone and my quest for the greatest Beef Bulgogi.

I have a good hunch, call it an inkling, a premonition or even a strong faith in the existence of paradise. The reason for this is my travels through the middle zone. This middle zone is a bit of a testament to the grace of God and His desire to see everyone make it into heaven. That, or it's a cruel game similar to what cable companies play when you call to figure out why your monthly bill keeps inching up every month. The middle zone is a holding zone. There are some people who in this life do enough stupid and evil to get a ticket straight to hell. There's no saving them. The Hitlers, the Neros, the Caligulas, the Stalins and the Dursts of this world punched their tickets with all of their misdeeds. It's hopeful, unless of course God and Satan have set up this in between area as a sort of No Man's Land that houses the everlasting souls of people that neither side really wants to put up with. That's not out of the realm of possibilities but, I got to have faith. The guy who introduced me to the middle zone told me it was a holding zone for people to work out all of their flaws so that they could eventually make it upstairs. Of course there are those who have found their ticket punched on the express route to heaven as well. But, for those who are of enough importance, but not quite of enough character there seems to be this place.

This is the story of this place. Some call it purgatory. Some call it Hell (though it most certainly isn't). Most don't bother naming it; they simply exist in it. I can't do that because if I were to do just this, then how would this incredibly important story be told? How would you ever come to hear of this place? So for our purposes, I'll call it The City.

Augustine - Sermo LI (D)

In continuing this particular sermon I found a lot to be desired. Much of this section has to do with sex being a necessary evil, even in the constraints of marriage. I don't think this is necessarily the case, but there were some good nuggets of thought provocation in it.

First, it talks about food and drink, which is particularly applicable at the moment. Food and drink are necessary to human life. Without eating or drinking, death is surely around the corner. But, he points that we are to eat and drink to live and not live to eat and drink. He doesn't condemn alcohol or food, just gluttony and drunkenness. I need to get to the point where I eat and drink to live, not the other way round. He even states that this can be an enjoyable experience, but that it shouldn't be an end to itself. This is my prayer Lord, to come to this point where neither food nor drink are driving forces in my life.

The other point that I found fascinating is his ongoing battle with the theoretical heretics. He points out that Christians can rejoice in the good news of the Gospel and of Scriptures as a whole. Christians can take the Bible at face value and leave it at that with joy. But, when the heretics (or skeptics in our time) pick holes in the Scriptures or our theology he notes, "the more you force us to dig, the greater treasure we'll find" (Griffin, 21). That's even more exciting than merely taking the Scriptures at a surface level. The deeper we delve into the Scriptures, the more Wisdom and Truth we will find. While, it may never convince the heretics or the skeptics, it will enrich our Christian life in God.

Theories of the Universe

A silly little post caught my eye and while fighting off the incessant advertisements that came with the little nonsensical philosophical deepness of some facebooker, I did get some short little synopsis (probably horribly oversimplified) of some interesting takes on reality. I thought I might be able to use some. So, here are some facebook theories of the universe to explore in Time Travel stories and specifically A Cornish Mess.

Idealism - Reality is merely a construction of the perceptions held within the mind. A divine mind is able to hold all of the construction of all the perceptions and create an entire universe in the mind.

Presentism - The only true existence is that of the current moment. The past exists only in the mind as a construction of memories. The future only exists of fallible predictions based on the past.

Great Glaciation - The universe will simply become a cold wasteland after all energy has ceased to exist. Matter will become motionless and frozen.

Solipsism - The only thing that can be known to exist is you. All other things outside of one's own mind can be doubted to be real.

Phenomenalism - Existence of things is illusionary. Only the effects of those things are real.

Multiverse - Modal logic and parallel universes. Pretty self-explanatory on numerous levels.

Fictional Realism - If you think of something in this universe it becomes real in another universe. Demands the acceptance of multiverse as reality.

Eternalism - Time exists all at once. Everything is happening concurrently, creation, your birth, your death. But how you observe the universe is basically your vantage point. We can only see from one vantage point at time. But causality is therefore illusionary.

What does the one God Seek?

In continuing my study on what Godliness is I've started with a concordance and gone to where the word "godly" or "godliness" occurs in the Scriptures. The first instance is Malachi 2:15:

"Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth."

For some context I read the whole of Malachi. It talks about the faithless who have married women devoted to foreign gods. It talks about returning to God and Him promising to return to the Israelites. Since, godliness requires a full devotion to God, foreign gods cannot be tolerated. It talks about the sacrifices the Israelites were giving to God were not pure (lame, blind, blemished animals).

Through Malachi God poses a few good questions. First, he asks, "If I am a father, where is the honor due me?" (Malachi 1:6). Since God made us, we belong to him in body and spirit. We must be devoted to Him fully because we are His. This is the foundational aspect of godliness, being devoted to Him. If we are devoted to Him as a father, we must therefore honor Him. So in response to God's question I pray, Lord you are my father and help me to do all that is honorable to you. Keep me from temptations that would bring dishonor to you and in the face of temptations help me to be strong to overcome them.

The second question posed in Malachi is actually a response to God's assertion. God states, "Return to me and I will return to you, says the Lord Almighty" (Malachi 3:7). The writer then states, "How are we to return?"

This is the question I am asking. How am I to return? How am I to be godly?

God responds with a question and a declaration. The Israelites have been robbing God by not bringing their whole tithe to Him. "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house" (Malachi 3:10). So to return to God is to give the whole tithe to God. To return to God is to give Him all that is asked of us. To be godly is to Give to God what He is owed. Since I belong to Him in body and spirit, I offer all of me to Him. Hear my prayer God and accept my offering of myself.

Malachi 3:10 is both instructions and a promise. It's funny how God often links these together. He instructs us to do something and promises a great outcome. Give to God the whole tithe and He will "throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it".

God you are the one God, who created us. You are the Father and I have been robbing you. Accept now my whole tithe. So, what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. As a child of God, I seek to be that. I seek to be a godly offspring.

First Meeting

I went to my first meeting last night and it was different. It was a first three step meeting.

The first step has two clauses that are true for me. A) I admitted that I'm powerless over alcohol. B) My life was becoming unmanageable.

The second step is one that I've already held before alcohol problems. There is definitely a power greater than me that is capable of restoring me. I didn't need a meeting to know this.

The third step is the one that I've been trying to do recently to varying degrees of success. I'm trying to turn over my will and life over to God.

There are two problems I seemed to get hung up on in the meeting. The first, is the notion that I want to stop drinking. I don't. I want to get over the alcohol problems so that I can lead a normal life and that means the occasional drink. I don't ask for abstinence. I ask for wisdom and power to overcome any bit that is controlled by alcohol. The second is the clause in the third step. "God as we understood Him". I don't want to get picky, but the "spirituality" of this meeting seemed bankrupt to me. It was like an apple without a core. There is no rootedness without God as He is, not as I understand Him.

My prayer is for godliness. Help me Lord to be godly.

What is godliness?

In my last post I said that I would start studying what it is to be godly because of the call to godliness in 1 Timothy 4. If I am going to train myself to be godly I sort of need to know what that end is. So, I first did a topical search of "godly" and "godliness" to find out where it's located in the Bible only to find a scant number of references. I'll research each one of these thoroughly, use different translations and hit up some commentaries as well to do a deeper research on it. But, I'm also going to do the 21st century thing to and research online and get some quick answers. Additionally I'll do the old fashioned thing of reading some books. Hopefully this three pronged attack will help me to learn what godliness is, how to train for it and how to achieve it.

But, the first little google search came up from https://bible.org/article/what-godliness and I found it to be a good start. I'm going to quote it some and then I'll paraphrase it some. Then I'll try and get some application out of it to.

The article illuminates the importance of godliness, in spite of very few Biblical references that use the exact term. It states that "No higher compliment can be paid to a Christian than to call him a godly person." It states that "it is both the privilege and duty of every Christian to pursue godliness, to train himself to be godly, to study diligently the practice of godliness". Fantastic. This is what I want. I want to be godly - I want to study it diligently. Hence, this exercise. But, the definition of godliness is a difficult one, sort of like a game. Try defining that sometime with any precision.

Godliness, it goes on to state is a foundational spiritual attribute. It is a foundation from which all godly character is built on. These again are of course things that I want, things that I need. To overcome some of my character flaws I need them to be replaced with positive ones. To become a better Christian I need to have a firm foundation. But, still the definition is a bit hazy. It just doesn't seem like a tangible thing that I can reach out for. It's not something I can really build a training regime towards.

But, then the page talks about Enoch and gets a bit more specific. Things become a bit clearer. Godliness is a relationship with God, pleasing God, walking with God. These three things combined equal a devotion to God. Devotion then is the meaning of godliness. But, devotion isn't a mere activity. Rather, devotion is an attitude towards God. "The practice of godliness is an exercise or discipline that focuses upon God." Devotion to God is repurposing one's life to center on God. This is a little more tangible - something that I can shoot for. "Godliness is more than Christian character: it is Christian Character that springs from a devotion to God".

So, what then does devotion look like practically? Devotion is a motivation for Christian behavior that is pleasing to God. Devotion is a relationship with God, pleasing with God and walking with God. It's being like Enoch (so a study on Enoch is obviously forthcoming).

Interestingly, though I found a bit in the page that shows where devotion can go wrong. There are lots of Christians that are devoted to certain aspects of God or of godly living. This can hamper true devotion as it will take one's mind off of God - kind of like missing the forest for the trees. So devotion, if it is to lead to godliness must be a devotion wholly to God, not to an aspect of Him or His ministry. Godliness then can be defined as the devotion to God which results in a life that is pleasing to Him.

Also interesting in this little page was a delineation between a godly person, a moral person and a benevolent person. A moral person does the things that are moral for the sake of morality. A benevolent person does benevolent things for the sake of benevolence. A godly person though, does moral things and benevolent things because they are godly. Godliness is always the end. Morality and benevolence are good things, just not ends to themselves.

So, it is a bit better defined for me, but where do I start? Godliness starts from cultivating a relationship with God. That is tangible enough for me

Train yourself to be godly

In searching for the part of Scripture about weak and strong faiths and how they lead believers to either enjoy or abstain from foods I came across 1 Timothy 4, before finding the passage in Romans I was looking for. A couple things came across to me immediately.

1 Timothy 4:4-5 "For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer."

This quickly gives me hope that I can overcome the alcohol problem and after awhile be able to receive the gifts of God with thanksgiving through consecration by prayer. Prayer is not a strong suit for me, but I'm hoping that keeping up this blog will increase my prayer life. In essence, while it covers numerous other topics, it is a collection of prayers to God. I hope to receive everything from God with thanksgiving. This is my prayer for what my future holds.

But, the alcohol angle of my prayer life will hopefully be fleeting and transient. I hope I don't have to concentrate on this subject matter for an extended point of time. The exhortation I see in later is something entirely different. "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come" (I Timothy 4:7-8).

I'm going to ignore the "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales" part for a moment. I hope that this isn't an exhortation to ignore philosophy or other things I have interest in. But, I am going to focus on training myself to be godly. What does that mean exactly?

To be honest, I haven't exactly figured it out. So, what I'll do is simply study everywhere the Scriptures uses the word "godly" or "godliness" and build from there. I'll study the text and try and figure out how to make it practically applicable to my life.

Weak Faith

The prayer at the bottom of the Alcoholics Anonymous schedule reads "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference". I'll be going to my first meeting tonight and I'm not incredibly thrilled by it. It's necessary because something has to change, but I'll be honest I don't want to give up alcohol indefinitely. That is an admission of failure. I'm unable to control an aspect of myself and I don't like that. But, I'll go into it with an open mind and a hope that I can conquer this regrettable character flaw that is wreaking such havoc in my life. But, I do think about Augustine's rather funny and all too serious prayer: "God grant me chastity, but not yet". I pray for sobriety, but not for a lifetime of abstinence. I want to have a glass of wine, or a beer later on in life. I have to put on complete abstinence for a good long while, but when I travel to France or Italy I'd like to taste wines.

I looked for the Scripture about weak and strong faith to sort of bolster my hope that through a stronger faith I could once again get to the point where I can enjoy alcohol, albeit responsibly. I'm not sure what I've found from it.

"One person's faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables." (Romans 14:2). This gives me the hope that when my faith is stronger I can enjoy the occasional glass of wine or beer. Obviously, I can't have the benders that I've been prone to, but enjoyed responsibly I can do it. Because like Paul states later "I am convinced, being persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself" (Romans 14:14). I don't have the conviction that alcohol is bad or wrong per se, only that I haven't mastered it.

But, while hopeful as this is, later Paul states "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" (Romans 14:17). It stings because I know there is a part of me that wishes to conquer this addiction to or proclivity toward excess so that I can enjoy the matters of eating and drinking. Rather than this be my focus I should instead focus on the kingdom of God, which is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. That is my prayer Lord, that I would focus not on the kingdom of this world, but the kingdom of God. But I do pray a reversed version of Augustine's silly but serious prayer, God grant me sobriety, but not abstinence. I do humbly petition this.