Saturday, January 31, 2015
A Good Person
I want so desperately to be a good person. I want to follow God and do His will. But, I get distracted (and that it saying it nicely). I want to be sober and be a shining example of God's love. But, I get stuck somehow. I don't even remember taking my first drink today. But, now I'm really suffering from the effects of alcohol. I know I drank. There is a good chance I've really messed up my work. I'll find out later. I have to confess to Erin that I've messed up. That is terrifying. What is wrong with me? Help me Lord.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Augustine of Hippo - Sermo LI (C)
In reading another section of this sermon I've come across some interesting notes about the usefulness of Heretics and a little bit on the Problem of Evil. First, onto the Heretics. Augustine writes "Odd thing, though. If we live piously, if we believe Christ, if we don't flop from the nest before we've learned to fly, then the Hecklers'll lead us - albeit unwittingly - to precisely where they don't want to go. That's to say, to the very mysteries they're trying to destroy" (Griffin, 19-20).
Now, Augustine was living in a very Christianized world. Of course Paganism hadn't been completely rooted out, but there were incredible amounts of heretical sects of Christianity around at the time that seemed only to want to argue with others about some of the mysterious natures of what it means to be a Christian. What Augustine is saying is that those heretics, whom he calls hecklers, are unwittingly leading the faithful (so long as they remain faithful) to a deeper understanding of Christ and God the Father. The Hecklers' arguments in effect force the faithful to retreat deeper into the mysteries of God to understand the points that the Hecklers are trying to jab them with. Of course some of these hecklers may be swayed by arguments by the faithful but others may not. These people aren't necessarily looking for answers, but are simply sitting in the seat of mockers - that is to say, they enjoy making others miserable to make themselves feel better. But, what Augustine is saying is that by jabbing at the faithful, God is using this evil to sharpen and draw the faithful closer to Him. (In essence He could also use the faithful to break the chains of bondage on the Hecklers, but sometimes people prefer their prison cells).
Today is a less Christianized world. The Hecklers might be heretical and lapsed Christians, combining the philosophies of the day with elements of the Christian faith or they might simply be avowed and evangelical atheists looking to destroy the mysteries of Christ. But, their purpose (and ours as the faithful) are thwarted and refurbished by God. While they seek to destroy, the faithful (as long as they remain faithful to Christ) will see the hecklers attacks turn into moments of deeper understanding of Christ and God the Father as they retreat into the Word to find the answers to these attacks. The skepticism of the world is not a sound argument against the faith, but serves as a prod to the faithful to understand the deeper mysteries of the faith. As was the case in the time of Augustine, God can use the faithful then as a means of breaking the bondage of the lapsed Christians or atheists and bring them into the fold of the faithful. But, also as was the case in the time of Augustine, the attacks of the hecklers will invariably lead the faithful into a deeper relationship with Christ.
This repurposing of the hecklers (be they atheist, heretic or something in between the two) by God to lead the faithful into a deeper relationship with Him is an interesting case study in the Problem of Evil. The attacks of the Hecklers are by definition, evil, in that they are aimed at separating man from God, which is the only Evil that exists. In essence, Evil is the separation of man and God though evil manifests itself in many ways. But though evil was the origin and the intent the outcome is turned into Good, that is to say, into a coming together of man and God among the faithful. This repurposing of Evil for Good is echoed throughout history and the Scriptures. In this particular sermon Augustine references Judas. Judas sold Jesus out and through the evil that Judas perpetuated the World was offered salvation through Christ.
Augustine resolves the problem of Evil in the case of Judas thusly, "God, therefore liberates the nations with His Suffering Son, and at the same time punishes Judas for his shameful crime" (Griffin, 20). He concedes that there are of course mysteries in this, but that "no one who has the least whiff of faith would get into an argument about them" (Griffin, 20).
So here then is the problem of Evil. If Evil exists then how can an all-Good, all-Powerful God also exist? Evil exists, therefore God cannot exist. Some have taken that evil is illusionary and resolved the problem of Evil. But, Evil is not illusionary as most human beings can easily attest to having been touched by Evil in various ways. The partial resolution of this paradox comes from the very fact that God repurposes Evil for good (proving both His goodness and His power). While this doesn't quite fully explain the existence of Evil it also shows that the paradox isn't quite as causally related, meaning that the existence of Evil doesn't negate the existence of an all-Good, all-Powerful God. It merely shows another mystery that the faithful would be wise to not argue about amongst themselves.
While it would certainly be better if Evil did not exist, the fact is that it does. Being all-powerful God can therefore repurpose the intent of the Evil done by the Evildoer. Being all-good, God therefore repurposes the Evil to achieve the ultimate Good, harmony and union with God.
Now, Augustine was living in a very Christianized world. Of course Paganism hadn't been completely rooted out, but there were incredible amounts of heretical sects of Christianity around at the time that seemed only to want to argue with others about some of the mysterious natures of what it means to be a Christian. What Augustine is saying is that those heretics, whom he calls hecklers, are unwittingly leading the faithful (so long as they remain faithful) to a deeper understanding of Christ and God the Father. The Hecklers' arguments in effect force the faithful to retreat deeper into the mysteries of God to understand the points that the Hecklers are trying to jab them with. Of course some of these hecklers may be swayed by arguments by the faithful but others may not. These people aren't necessarily looking for answers, but are simply sitting in the seat of mockers - that is to say, they enjoy making others miserable to make themselves feel better. But, what Augustine is saying is that by jabbing at the faithful, God is using this evil to sharpen and draw the faithful closer to Him. (In essence He could also use the faithful to break the chains of bondage on the Hecklers, but sometimes people prefer their prison cells).
Today is a less Christianized world. The Hecklers might be heretical and lapsed Christians, combining the philosophies of the day with elements of the Christian faith or they might simply be avowed and evangelical atheists looking to destroy the mysteries of Christ. But, their purpose (and ours as the faithful) are thwarted and refurbished by God. While they seek to destroy, the faithful (as long as they remain faithful to Christ) will see the hecklers attacks turn into moments of deeper understanding of Christ and God the Father as they retreat into the Word to find the answers to these attacks. The skepticism of the world is not a sound argument against the faith, but serves as a prod to the faithful to understand the deeper mysteries of the faith. As was the case in the time of Augustine, God can use the faithful then as a means of breaking the bondage of the lapsed Christians or atheists and bring them into the fold of the faithful. But, also as was the case in the time of Augustine, the attacks of the hecklers will invariably lead the faithful into a deeper relationship with Christ.
This repurposing of the hecklers (be they atheist, heretic or something in between the two) by God to lead the faithful into a deeper relationship with Him is an interesting case study in the Problem of Evil. The attacks of the Hecklers are by definition, evil, in that they are aimed at separating man from God, which is the only Evil that exists. In essence, Evil is the separation of man and God though evil manifests itself in many ways. But though evil was the origin and the intent the outcome is turned into Good, that is to say, into a coming together of man and God among the faithful. This repurposing of Evil for Good is echoed throughout history and the Scriptures. In this particular sermon Augustine references Judas. Judas sold Jesus out and through the evil that Judas perpetuated the World was offered salvation through Christ.
Augustine resolves the problem of Evil in the case of Judas thusly, "God, therefore liberates the nations with His Suffering Son, and at the same time punishes Judas for his shameful crime" (Griffin, 20). He concedes that there are of course mysteries in this, but that "no one who has the least whiff of faith would get into an argument about them" (Griffin, 20).
So here then is the problem of Evil. If Evil exists then how can an all-Good, all-Powerful God also exist? Evil exists, therefore God cannot exist. Some have taken that evil is illusionary and resolved the problem of Evil. But, Evil is not illusionary as most human beings can easily attest to having been touched by Evil in various ways. The partial resolution of this paradox comes from the very fact that God repurposes Evil for good (proving both His goodness and His power). While this doesn't quite fully explain the existence of Evil it also shows that the paradox isn't quite as causally related, meaning that the existence of Evil doesn't negate the existence of an all-Good, all-Powerful God. It merely shows another mystery that the faithful would be wise to not argue about amongst themselves.
While it would certainly be better if Evil did not exist, the fact is that it does. Being all-powerful God can therefore repurpose the intent of the Evil done by the Evildoer. Being all-good, God therefore repurposes the Evil to achieve the ultimate Good, harmony and union with God.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Draw The Circle - Write It Down
"The shortest pencil is longer than the longest memory" (Batterson, 37). The Draw The Circle seems to hit on some of the things I've been struggling with. I want to journal, but I lack discipline. That's why I'm praying for this discipline. The encouragement I'm getting from this book seems to hit the buttons that I'm searching for. Journaling, Batterson writes, is a way for one to look back at the prayers you offer to God and see how He moves in your life. That's pretty cool and he also mentions that by keeping a fairly detailed journal you get to go back and see where you can give God the glory for answering your prayers. That's a good goal. That's what I'm praying here now Lord. Keep me faithful to you, keep me faithful to praying and keep me faithful to journaling so that I can see your footprints in my life as I go back and reread some of these posts.
The timeliness that God has with His word in my life is pretty impressive. It always has been and was illustrated tonight yet again. This timeliness is one of the reasons that I have such a strong belief (even if I can't always say that I'm true to the faith that He extends) in Him and why I have never really had strong doubts of His existence or His goodness. Just today I was fretting about money and not making enough of it and lo and behold in Day 5 of Draw The Circle the author tells a story of a woman who was seeking her dream and asking God what to do. She eventually jumped at it and became successful by, and I'm paraphrasing here but it was a good line, working hard like that was the only thing that would make it happen and praying hard like the prayer was the only way her dream would come true. I never really liked the tone of God helps those who help themselves because it sounds like a mantra political hijacker of faith. But, working like it all depends on you and praying like it all depends on God does have a more faith-like ring to it without the coldness of the aforementioned statement. But, on to the timeliness of God.
It's not Day 5 of our trek through this book. We should have been about a week further but my traveling and our work schedules but us behind. Today I opened up about my frustrations with money and my career on a deeper level than normal. And lo and behold God's timeliness shines through again. Of course it could be chalked up to coincidence or the fact that most devotional eventually broach this topic. But, the chasm that seems to always split the believers and the faithless is their vantage point. A believer that has encountered God on a personal level, however deep, that has resulted in that soul being redeemed by the blood of Christ has at their advantage a higher vantage point from which to see the world. Those that have yet encountered God or worse, rejected Him can therefore never see from such a high vantage point. The timeliness of God's personalized messages seems but mere chance or maybe a psychological crutch to feel like there is a God out there to some, but to those who have experienced with God know that we are the only ones free to walk without crutches, as we are led by the hand of God Himself.
The timeliness that God has with His word in my life is pretty impressive. It always has been and was illustrated tonight yet again. This timeliness is one of the reasons that I have such a strong belief (even if I can't always say that I'm true to the faith that He extends) in Him and why I have never really had strong doubts of His existence or His goodness. Just today I was fretting about money and not making enough of it and lo and behold in Day 5 of Draw The Circle the author tells a story of a woman who was seeking her dream and asking God what to do. She eventually jumped at it and became successful by, and I'm paraphrasing here but it was a good line, working hard like that was the only thing that would make it happen and praying hard like the prayer was the only way her dream would come true. I never really liked the tone of God helps those who help themselves because it sounds like a mantra political hijacker of faith. But, working like it all depends on you and praying like it all depends on God does have a more faith-like ring to it without the coldness of the aforementioned statement. But, on to the timeliness of God.
It's not Day 5 of our trek through this book. We should have been about a week further but my traveling and our work schedules but us behind. Today I opened up about my frustrations with money and my career on a deeper level than normal. And lo and behold God's timeliness shines through again. Of course it could be chalked up to coincidence or the fact that most devotional eventually broach this topic. But, the chasm that seems to always split the believers and the faithless is their vantage point. A believer that has encountered God on a personal level, however deep, that has resulted in that soul being redeemed by the blood of Christ has at their advantage a higher vantage point from which to see the world. Those that have yet encountered God or worse, rejected Him can therefore never see from such a high vantage point. The timeliness of God's personalized messages seems but mere chance or maybe a psychological crutch to feel like there is a God out there to some, but to those who have experienced with God know that we are the only ones free to walk without crutches, as we are led by the hand of God Himself.
The Stories to Be Told
Here are the stories (so far they are all still in my head).
Current Date: 1/29/2015
A Cornish Mess (The one I'm currently working on). - Time Traveling Bumbling & Stumbling.
Status: The framework is done. I've got a few chapters written in rough drafts.
The Joseph Flannigan Series (Habitaciones Con Banos, The Bulgogi) - A writer losing his way and then coming up with the goods at the last second.
Status: The framework is basically done for Habitaciones. I think even most of it is written in some form of draft. I haven't played with it for a few years. The Quest For The World's Greatest Beef Bulgogi is somewhat thought out. I'm not sure if anything is really done on it though.
The House of Urtsiul - An Epic Style story about the ancient times.
Status: I'm pretty sure that most of this exists in some form of rough draft.
A Hagiography of Obscurity: Loosely Based on a Loosely Held Version of Reality - Short Stories Concerning Obscure Saints and Religious Figures
Status: An Idea
The Definitive History of Texas - An historical account of Texas, if Texas had never been brought into the United States.
Status: An Idea
Current Date: 1/29/2015
A Cornish Mess (The one I'm currently working on). - Time Traveling Bumbling & Stumbling.
Status: The framework is done. I've got a few chapters written in rough drafts.
The Joseph Flannigan Series (Habitaciones Con Banos, The Bulgogi) - A writer losing his way and then coming up with the goods at the last second.
Status: The framework is basically done for Habitaciones. I think even most of it is written in some form of draft. I haven't played with it for a few years. The Quest For The World's Greatest Beef Bulgogi is somewhat thought out. I'm not sure if anything is really done on it though.
The House of Urtsiul - An Epic Style story about the ancient times.
Status: I'm pretty sure that most of this exists in some form of rough draft.
A Hagiography of Obscurity: Loosely Based on a Loosely Held Version of Reality - Short Stories Concerning Obscure Saints and Religious Figures
Status: An Idea
The Definitive History of Texas - An historical account of Texas, if Texas had never been brought into the United States.
Status: An Idea
7 Days Off In the Land of Douglas Adams
Well, it's been seven days since I last posted. I've been traveling, moving my sister-in-law from Texas to Georgia. So, I do have a bit of an excuse. But, while I haven't been writing, I did do a little reading. Now that I once again have a computer right in front of me I'll jot down the little notes that I had over the week. It wasn't much, but just a few things.
While gone I immersed myself in some Douglas Adams. I had read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a long time ago, but I think the version I had read before was the transcript from the old BBC Broadcast. Anyway, the time between my readings was very very big. On this occasion I've been reading The More than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I finished The Hitchhiker's Guide on the plane and then read The Restaurant At the End of the Universe, which if I ever do open up a restaurant I think I will call it Milliways - if I don't get sued. Since I didn't have any paper I jotted a few quotes down on my phone that I liked, with references, but this was a hassle so I don't have as much as I'd like. Suffice it to say that some of my writing style is influenced by Adams and I'm probably going to be reading a bit more of him in the near future. Without further ado though here are three quotes that I found particularly entertaining.
Ford to Arthur "History is never altered you see, it just fits together like a jigsaw" (303). I like this idea of time being thoroughly deterministic, not actually like it, but find it an interesting thing to explore in A Cornish Mess. Is time unable to be altered? Does the Grandfather Paradox hold true?
Zaphod, upon leaving Milliways right before the end of the universe [It is] "nothing but a gnab gib... opposite of a big bang" (233). I laughed aloud to myself at this one.
In the introduction I found another interesting concept to explore when writing on time traveling (which is the goal of my first novella I'm attempting, called A Cornish Mess. "There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is a nother which states that this has already happened" (148). It's funny, clever and a bit depressing all at once.
In addition to reading these two books I also listened to Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. It was very funny. Interestingly enough though, unlike Ford's assertion that history cannot be altered the ghost in this broadcast very nearly alters history by going back and nearly stopping life from being created on earth in the first place. Luckily it's stopped by Professor Chronotis altering time, after the ghost is trying to change time but before the present where the story mostly takes place.
I find Douglas Adams' stories to be pleasantly jarring to the brain in syntax and style. It's fantastic fun and smart. While I loved the movie, I find the book more riveting, though the ending of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is a bit depressing. Plus, Douglas Adams wrote for Doctor Who and that's about all you'd need for me to be hooked.
While gone I immersed myself in some Douglas Adams. I had read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a long time ago, but I think the version I had read before was the transcript from the old BBC Broadcast. Anyway, the time between my readings was very very big. On this occasion I've been reading The More than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I finished The Hitchhiker's Guide on the plane and then read The Restaurant At the End of the Universe, which if I ever do open up a restaurant I think I will call it Milliways - if I don't get sued. Since I didn't have any paper I jotted a few quotes down on my phone that I liked, with references, but this was a hassle so I don't have as much as I'd like. Suffice it to say that some of my writing style is influenced by Adams and I'm probably going to be reading a bit more of him in the near future. Without further ado though here are three quotes that I found particularly entertaining.
Ford to Arthur "History is never altered you see, it just fits together like a jigsaw" (303). I like this idea of time being thoroughly deterministic, not actually like it, but find it an interesting thing to explore in A Cornish Mess. Is time unable to be altered? Does the Grandfather Paradox hold true?
Zaphod, upon leaving Milliways right before the end of the universe [It is] "nothing but a gnab gib... opposite of a big bang" (233). I laughed aloud to myself at this one.
In the introduction I found another interesting concept to explore when writing on time traveling (which is the goal of my first novella I'm attempting, called A Cornish Mess. "There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is a nother which states that this has already happened" (148). It's funny, clever and a bit depressing all at once.
In addition to reading these two books I also listened to Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. It was very funny. Interestingly enough though, unlike Ford's assertion that history cannot be altered the ghost in this broadcast very nearly alters history by going back and nearly stopping life from being created on earth in the first place. Luckily it's stopped by Professor Chronotis altering time, after the ghost is trying to change time but before the present where the story mostly takes place.
I find Douglas Adams' stories to be pleasantly jarring to the brain in syntax and style. It's fantastic fun and smart. While I loved the movie, I find the book more riveting, though the ending of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is a bit depressing. Plus, Douglas Adams wrote for Doctor Who and that's about all you'd need for me to be hooked.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Conditional Consecration, Essential Holiness
The third day of Draw the Circle made me think about the the idea of consecration and holiness. I wondered to myself after I had posted the last blurb if I was really right in equating consecrating and holy so easily. Are they the same word basically? I remember in college learning the technical definition of the word holy was "set apart". THen when Batterson mentions that consecration means "set apart" the word holy just instantly popped into my head. It's just one of those lectures I happened to have a vivid memory of. I grew up in the church so the word holy is commonplace. We sang Holy, Holy, Holy more than any other song in our Baptist church, save the Doxology. But, I hadn't really heard a good definition of what it meant until college. It was just one of those concepts that I new related to God, in a positive way and was a command for us to be and a positive thing for us to strive for and something that the angels were and something that Moses and Abraham were and something that Jesus was and the first name of a part of the Godhead and, and, and... But that lecture in college sort of put it in concrete terms and it's stuck with me.
Forgive me now as I indulge in a little armchair linguistics with the help of Strong's online. Holy in the Old Testament comes from the Hebrew word "Qadosh", meaning "set apart for a special purpose". The New Testament word that gets translated as "Holy" is the Greek "hagios". This has a good meaning too. It connotes "different" or "otherness". But the technical definition that Strong's gives is great: "different from the world because like God". So consecration is similar. It comes from the Greek "Hagiazó". Biggest different is hagios is a adjective; hagiazó is a verb. Joshua 3:5 sees the Lord commanding them to consecrate themselves. I Timothy 4:5 has Paul telling Timothy that everything that is received with thanksgiving is good because its consecrated.
Now, maybe I'm splitting hairs and reading too much into this but as I'm looking at it I see a minute difference that may be a big deal. Holiness I think is a set apart thing of God. The otherness of "hagios" comes from God. The "qadosh" is God setting something aside for a special purpose. It was God that set Israel apart from the world. It was God that set Levi apart among Israel's tribes. Holiness comes from God alone.
But consecration seems to be a combined act of both man and God. I Timothy states that "because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer" referring to all things received with thanksgiving. Holiness doesn't require man's reception with thanksgiving though. God is Holy because God is Holy. The Holiness doesn't have a conditional existence, it is an essential thing to God. But for something to be consecrated it has two conditions. A) It requires the word of God. B) It requires an obedience to that word of God by man. Joshua couldn't have consecrated himself for God without hearing from God to get consecrated. Nothing could be consecrated or set apart to become the otherness if that Otherness wasn't first calling for that thing to become something else.
Now, I'm sure that those who actually speak Greek or Hebrew could shoot through my arguments with a tenacity that would cause my whole house of cards here to come a tumbling down. But, while spending an hour or so on Strong's Concordance via Safari doesn't make me an expert I think my initial reaction to Batterson's calling consecration "set apart" in equating it with holy was wrong. And again, maybe I'm making too much of this, but I find philosophy of language to be extremely important. Contemplating the minutia of word choices and synonyms may seem like a bit of sophistry on my part but I feel that the concepts entailed in certain words carry their weight differently, even if they weigh the same. Using the most correct language possible is essential in communicating with three groups.
A) Those who aren't actually there to ask you clarifying questions or to pick up on your nonverbal communication.
B) The Divine because even though He knows what you are praying, by wrestling with the synonyms a deeper understanding can be fleshed out and give us a better grasp of God though our pursuit of Him.
C) Your own mind. By combining and cataloging and distinguishing on levels that would bring a smile to the face of a Byzantine you may very well confuse yourself for the vast part of your day, but when those moments of sweet lucidity come, brief as they may be - ah such moments of clarity are unrivaled!
Draw The Circle - Amazing Things
In Day three of Mark Batterson's book Draw the Circle he titles the prayer challenge as "Amazing Things". On day two he talked about trusting God because He is great, not just great at the big things, but great because He cares about the little things. But He cares about Amazing Things as well. The Amazing Things though are the things that God has in store for us. Batterson points out the part in Joshua where the Lord commands Joshua to consecrate himself, "for the Lord will do amazing things among you" (Joshua 3:5).
The word consecrate means to set apart or to make holy. Usually today we think of it when something is made sacred like a church or a cemetery. The idea of consecrating oneself is hard and ties into the difficulty I have with this particular prayer, the difficulty being that its hard to do and not that I disagree with it. The issue at hand is my pride, my ego. It's hard to give up things to consecrate myself, to dedicate myself wholly to God. I think it's gotten harder now as I've gotten older. I think ten years ago I could've just thrown myself at the feet of God when I felt Him calling me to do something. I might not have had the discipline or dedication to stick with the project He had called me to, but I feel I was more willing. As I've gotten older and become relatively more accomplished (not that I'm a superstar extraordinaire) I've become more prideful and full of myself. It's hard, when I'm even in tune enough to hear His calls, to abandon myself, my ambitions, my plans and follow His.
Batterson talks about this time he was in a Cleveland airport early in the morning and that this particular flight had made him miss his normal prayer time with his church. Then he felt God calling him to kneel down and pray right then and there. He talked about how the prayer with his church on every morning at 7:14 had become such an integral part of his life that when he missed it, on days like the day he was in the Cleveland airport that he felt pangs to pray like you feel hunger. I desire that prayer routine to be so embedded in my life that when I miss it I feel literal hunger. But, I don't know if I'm humble enough to hear God tell me to drop to my knees and pray in public and follow through. Batterson also stated that a little of his ego died that day. That scared me. I want the hunger to pray, but do I really want to make the sacrifice of myself to get it?
Throughout today's devotion he basically reiterated what I intellectually know and understand, that being the more I give myself to God the more He gives His self to me. I know it. I want that. But, my pride seems to cling on to bits of who I am - even the bits I don't particularly like about me. I don't think I cling to the parts of my personality that I'm not really fond of or that are blatantly sinful because I'm in a mood to rebel against the commandments of God. I think I cling to them because they are mine. It's a pride thing, but also a selfishness. It's also a fear of the future, a fear of the process. It's complacency.
So in praying with Erin tonight she prayed for me what I had asked (to get God's help with my pride, and for me to get to the point where I hunger to pray to God). Prayer has never been my strong suit in my Christian walk. I can read the Word, read commentaries on the Word, listen to sermons and lectures and do charitable things with relative ease. But, when it comes to praying I just don't do it as regularly as I'd like or as I should. So I genuinely want to hunger to pray. Erin's prayer on this was fine. But, when she answered my request on stripping away my pride and ego she prayed to God that He would take out his long sword and slash my ego away. It made me shudder a bit. It is the prayer that I want. I want to humble myself before God and let go of who I am so that He can mold me into who I am supposed to be. I even imagine that much of who I am will be who I will be and the parts I don't particularly like about the current state of me will be stripped away in God's molding, but I'd rather him mold with a spoon than a long sword. Even so, Lord you heard my wife's prayer and it is with a strong trepidation that I pray you answer her petition.
In the end Batterson made a good point about exchanging who we are with God to who He wants us to be. If we give to God of ourselves, He gives of Himself. We will exchange our sins for the righteousness of Christ. That isn't a bad trade, but it's still a hard one. I ask you now Lord to make me willing and soften my heart. Break my pride and help me relinquish my demanding of being in charge of who I am. Make me into who you want me to be.
The word consecrate means to set apart or to make holy. Usually today we think of it when something is made sacred like a church or a cemetery. The idea of consecrating oneself is hard and ties into the difficulty I have with this particular prayer, the difficulty being that its hard to do and not that I disagree with it. The issue at hand is my pride, my ego. It's hard to give up things to consecrate myself, to dedicate myself wholly to God. I think it's gotten harder now as I've gotten older. I think ten years ago I could've just thrown myself at the feet of God when I felt Him calling me to do something. I might not have had the discipline or dedication to stick with the project He had called me to, but I feel I was more willing. As I've gotten older and become relatively more accomplished (not that I'm a superstar extraordinaire) I've become more prideful and full of myself. It's hard, when I'm even in tune enough to hear His calls, to abandon myself, my ambitions, my plans and follow His.
Batterson talks about this time he was in a Cleveland airport early in the morning and that this particular flight had made him miss his normal prayer time with his church. Then he felt God calling him to kneel down and pray right then and there. He talked about how the prayer with his church on every morning at 7:14 had become such an integral part of his life that when he missed it, on days like the day he was in the Cleveland airport that he felt pangs to pray like you feel hunger. I desire that prayer routine to be so embedded in my life that when I miss it I feel literal hunger. But, I don't know if I'm humble enough to hear God tell me to drop to my knees and pray in public and follow through. Batterson also stated that a little of his ego died that day. That scared me. I want the hunger to pray, but do I really want to make the sacrifice of myself to get it?
Throughout today's devotion he basically reiterated what I intellectually know and understand, that being the more I give myself to God the more He gives His self to me. I know it. I want that. But, my pride seems to cling on to bits of who I am - even the bits I don't particularly like about me. I don't think I cling to the parts of my personality that I'm not really fond of or that are blatantly sinful because I'm in a mood to rebel against the commandments of God. I think I cling to them because they are mine. It's a pride thing, but also a selfishness. It's also a fear of the future, a fear of the process. It's complacency.
So in praying with Erin tonight she prayed for me what I had asked (to get God's help with my pride, and for me to get to the point where I hunger to pray to God). Prayer has never been my strong suit in my Christian walk. I can read the Word, read commentaries on the Word, listen to sermons and lectures and do charitable things with relative ease. But, when it comes to praying I just don't do it as regularly as I'd like or as I should. So I genuinely want to hunger to pray. Erin's prayer on this was fine. But, when she answered my request on stripping away my pride and ego she prayed to God that He would take out his long sword and slash my ego away. It made me shudder a bit. It is the prayer that I want. I want to humble myself before God and let go of who I am so that He can mold me into who I am supposed to be. I even imagine that much of who I am will be who I will be and the parts I don't particularly like about the current state of me will be stripped away in God's molding, but I'd rather him mold with a spoon than a long sword. Even so, Lord you heard my wife's prayer and it is with a strong trepidation that I pray you answer her petition.
In the end Batterson made a good point about exchanging who we are with God to who He wants us to be. If we give to God of ourselves, He gives of Himself. We will exchange our sins for the righteousness of Christ. That isn't a bad trade, but it's still a hard one. I ask you now Lord to make me willing and soften my heart. Break my pride and help me relinquish my demanding of being in charge of who I am. Make me into who you want me to be.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Augustine Of Hippo - Sermo LI (B)
In continuation of Sermo LI, the Advent sermon I've come to a couple of other passages that are worth noting. Augustine is leading his congregation in somewhat of a dialectic against heretics who were denying that Jesus was born of a woman. It seems to me that he is preaching against Valentinianism, but that is an untrained eye doing quick research. It could also have been docetism but, as Augustine says in this sermon on numerous occasions, I digress...
Three more things came out to me in the next few pages. The first is "Badness came when perverted pleasure turned the Creature's face away from the Creator" (Griffin, 9). Now, I have read some more scholarly translations of Augustine and happen to like what Griffin describes as his paraphrasal translation approach because it makes it more approachable to readers like me. And his penchant for making Augustine colloquial is quite nice; but, on occasion we get words like "Badness" that make me feel like I'm reading the child's version of Augustine, but I digress... This strikes me in a number of ways though - Evil, sin or badness entered the world when perverted pleasure turned man's face away from God. Note that pleasure was not the thing that turned man's face from God, but perverted pleasure. I do have a bit of struggle between the two concepts. When I struggle with my sins I often act out in the way a pendulum does and try and swing it too far the other way. I mistake pleasure, a naturally and created thing for us for perverted pleasure and push both away. In essence I throw away God's gift to save me from my sin. I attempt salvation on my own. This never goes well and I set myself up to fail. It's all about that discipline. Not that I agree with the notion of everything in moderation because some things are inherently sinful no matter how moderately you partake of them, but I need not try and force myself into a hair shirt either.
Secondly, Augustine begins to theorize how Christ would respond to the fall of man in a down to earth tone. "Now I'm not in the habit of condemning a creature I've just made...No I don't condemn the creatures; it's there sins I condemn. Why? Because I didn't make the sins; they did" (Griffin, 9-10). There is a whole bunch of theology packed into this statement for me so, bear with me as I unfurl it. First, Augustine is combating another heresy, particularly Arianism because it is calling Christ the creator. Second, it resolves a problem of evil. In this short sentence Augustine is denying that Christ (or God) the creator of all things is therefore the creator of evil. Lastly, while still theological in nature, but with the added benefit of comfort and grace Christ states that by not condemning the man he is affording the man an opportunity of salvation through condemning the man-made sins.
Lastly, Augustine shamed my laziness and reminded me that my curiosity when applied properly will invariably lead me back to God. However, my curiosity when left alone will invariably wither and decline or sink into depths of depravity. "'In Him are hidden all the treasuries of wisdom and knowledge'. He hides them, yes, but not because he's embarrassed by them; rather He wants to increase our desire to discover what's in these treasuries. A secret, yes, but isn't it tantalizing? So, Augustine quotes Colossians 2:3 to remind me that there are mysteries of God that I must explore and in exploring I will find all the treasuries of wisdom and knowledge. I am tantalized.
In Chapter 2 of Colossians Paul is writing to those he knows and has not yet met personally to know that he is praying for them. He wants to encourage them to unite in love so that they can have the full riches of God. In this unity of love and encouragement of heart continue to seek the mystery of God, Christ "In him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Colossians 2:3). Buy why is Paul encouraging this? Because there is safety in Christ. There is safety in His wisdom and knowledge. This safety protects from fine sounding arguments that might deceive and pull one away from God.
I'm starting to see the road to seeking the Kingdom of God, rooted in Scripture reading and this blog. But, I fear that the daily minutia of life will pull me from being rooted deeper and deeper. Lord I pray for the discipline I need to continue to seek first the Kingdom.
Three more things came out to me in the next few pages. The first is "Badness came when perverted pleasure turned the Creature's face away from the Creator" (Griffin, 9). Now, I have read some more scholarly translations of Augustine and happen to like what Griffin describes as his paraphrasal translation approach because it makes it more approachable to readers like me. And his penchant for making Augustine colloquial is quite nice; but, on occasion we get words like "Badness" that make me feel like I'm reading the child's version of Augustine, but I digress... This strikes me in a number of ways though - Evil, sin or badness entered the world when perverted pleasure turned man's face away from God. Note that pleasure was not the thing that turned man's face from God, but perverted pleasure. I do have a bit of struggle between the two concepts. When I struggle with my sins I often act out in the way a pendulum does and try and swing it too far the other way. I mistake pleasure, a naturally and created thing for us for perverted pleasure and push both away. In essence I throw away God's gift to save me from my sin. I attempt salvation on my own. This never goes well and I set myself up to fail. It's all about that discipline. Not that I agree with the notion of everything in moderation because some things are inherently sinful no matter how moderately you partake of them, but I need not try and force myself into a hair shirt either.
Secondly, Augustine begins to theorize how Christ would respond to the fall of man in a down to earth tone. "Now I'm not in the habit of condemning a creature I've just made...No I don't condemn the creatures; it's there sins I condemn. Why? Because I didn't make the sins; they did" (Griffin, 9-10). There is a whole bunch of theology packed into this statement for me so, bear with me as I unfurl it. First, Augustine is combating another heresy, particularly Arianism because it is calling Christ the creator. Second, it resolves a problem of evil. In this short sentence Augustine is denying that Christ (or God) the creator of all things is therefore the creator of evil. Lastly, while still theological in nature, but with the added benefit of comfort and grace Christ states that by not condemning the man he is affording the man an opportunity of salvation through condemning the man-made sins.
Lastly, Augustine shamed my laziness and reminded me that my curiosity when applied properly will invariably lead me back to God. However, my curiosity when left alone will invariably wither and decline or sink into depths of depravity. "'In Him are hidden all the treasuries of wisdom and knowledge'. He hides them, yes, but not because he's embarrassed by them; rather He wants to increase our desire to discover what's in these treasuries. A secret, yes, but isn't it tantalizing? So, Augustine quotes Colossians 2:3 to remind me that there are mysteries of God that I must explore and in exploring I will find all the treasuries of wisdom and knowledge. I am tantalized.
In Chapter 2 of Colossians Paul is writing to those he knows and has not yet met personally to know that he is praying for them. He wants to encourage them to unite in love so that they can have the full riches of God. In this unity of love and encouragement of heart continue to seek the mystery of God, Christ "In him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Colossians 2:3). Buy why is Paul encouraging this? Because there is safety in Christ. There is safety in His wisdom and knowledge. This safety protects from fine sounding arguments that might deceive and pull one away from God.
I'm starting to see the road to seeking the Kingdom of God, rooted in Scripture reading and this blog. But, I fear that the daily minutia of life will pull me from being rooted deeper and deeper. Lord I pray for the discipline I need to continue to seek first the Kingdom.
I Corinthians 13 - Thoughts
I Corinthians 13 is a commonly read passage during weddings. The definition of love as patient, kind, without envy or boasting, being not proud or rude or self-seeking, its ability to withstand anger and its lack of keeping records of wrong and its delight in truth not evil is known by Christians and non-Christians alike who have attended weddings recently. We know that Paul writes that Love protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres and that Love never fails. I mentioned though that there is a verse in here that scares me in a couple of posts ago.
I Corinthians 1:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
It scares me because I have ostensibly become a man, but have not put all my childish ways behind me. I still reason and think like a child sometimes. Often when I have done something wrong I respond to it in a childish way: lying, denying, covering it up, etc. It scares me because I have taken on the mantle of manhood (marriage especially) without getting fully over the hump of my childish ways.
I had to look up the verse because I couldn't remember the reference. So after I posted my thoughts in the Augustine post I reread the whole chapter and while I'm still scared of my inadequacies as a man and fear I will once again revert to childish logic in the wake of my mistakes, the verse appears less horrifying in the context and actually somewhat comforting.
I Corinthians 1:9-12 "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known".
I still have much work to do to put my childish ways behind me, but I can comfortably echo Paul's sentiment. I do know in part now and I can put my hope in that when perfection comes the imperfect will disappear. I see but a poor reflection of God now, but I can put my hope in that I will one day see face to face my God and King. I know bits of God now, but I can put my hope in that I shall know fully. And when perfection comes "these three remain: faith, hope and love".
Putting away the childish things of my past indiscretions is scary. I know myself and fear I will repeat my past mistakes. But I can take comfort that as long as I seek first the Kingdom of God that opportunity will come chasing me from God. I know bits of God now; I will know more bits later until eventually I shall know fully. Seeking first the kingdom of God, Lord help me stay in your Word.
I Corinthians 1:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
It scares me because I have ostensibly become a man, but have not put all my childish ways behind me. I still reason and think like a child sometimes. Often when I have done something wrong I respond to it in a childish way: lying, denying, covering it up, etc. It scares me because I have taken on the mantle of manhood (marriage especially) without getting fully over the hump of my childish ways.
I had to look up the verse because I couldn't remember the reference. So after I posted my thoughts in the Augustine post I reread the whole chapter and while I'm still scared of my inadequacies as a man and fear I will once again revert to childish logic in the wake of my mistakes, the verse appears less horrifying in the context and actually somewhat comforting.
I Corinthians 1:9-12 "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known".
I still have much work to do to put my childish ways behind me, but I can comfortably echo Paul's sentiment. I do know in part now and I can put my hope in that when perfection comes the imperfect will disappear. I see but a poor reflection of God now, but I can put my hope in that I will one day see face to face my God and King. I know bits of God now, but I can put my hope in that I shall know fully. And when perfection comes "these three remain: faith, hope and love".
Putting away the childish things of my past indiscretions is scary. I know myself and fear I will repeat my past mistakes. But I can take comfort that as long as I seek first the Kingdom of God that opportunity will come chasing me from God. I know bits of God now; I will know more bits later until eventually I shall know fully. Seeking first the kingdom of God, Lord help me stay in your Word.
Draw The Circle - Get Ready
Draw the Circle starts out with Cornelius praying to God regularly. The first sentence convicts me because I don't pray to God with any sense of regularity. The story comes from Acts 10. Since Batterson's theme for the Day is Get Ready I'm trying to get myself ready. I am ready but I don't know how committed I am - not that I don't want to be committed, just that I don't have the discipline to always follow through on my commitments. I'm praying for discipline.
Batterson uses fairly typical modern church language, i.e. "And when you pray to God regularly, irregular things happen on a regular basis" (Batterson, 15). I have to fight the cynicism that naturally creeps up in it. Since my wife and I are doing this devotion together I have to redouble my efforts to keep her from following me down my natural inclination. The message is good, but it sounds very much pastoral, not in a good way, but in a Youth Pastor type of way that comes off as cheesy sound bytes after a game of laser tag at the Lock-In. That's my cynicism coming out. I'm praying for discipline. I'm praying to get out of the seat of mockers. Flowery language aside I am praying that God will take us (my wife and I) places we cannot even imagine. I want to get ready.
"If you establish a prayer routine, your life will be anything but routine... You don't need to seek opportunity. All you have to do is seek God. And if you seek God, opportunity will seek you" (Batterson, 19). Rhetorical games aside, I do in fact, chase opportunity. I might not always see my chase through to the logical conclusion, stopping either out of realization that the opportunity is a trap, getting sidetracked by another opportunity or becoming bored by the chase, but I chase opportunity nonetheless. I don't always seek God. I want to though. I want to seek Him. In that I need patience. I need discipline. I'm praying for discipline. Speaking of rhetorical games, I'm noticing I fall into patterns as well. My cynicism is hypocritical as well.
Batterson tells us that we must seek first his Kingdom; do God's will God's way. That is obviously biblical. I heard it in my sleep all last night - children singing "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" in round fashion. Thank you Psalty the Singing Song Book! I mean this both sarcastically and honestly. The song won't leave my head, which is a bit annoying. But alleluia! His words are written on my heart, even when my flesh belies it.
What I came away from this devotional is that I do desperately want to seek first the Kingdom of God. But, when Erin and I prayed last night I asked that she pray for me to know what seeking first the Kingdom of God looked like in my life practically. I want to get ready. I want to be ready. I pray the patience and discipline to be ready when he calls. I pray to know what seeking first the Kingdom of God looks like and that I have the wherewithal to do it.
On a side note in this passage it makes me think a little theologically. Not that I'm an expert, nor that it is important but I question the statement "If you're a non-Jewish follower of Jesus, your spiritual genealogy traces back to this genesis moment" (Batterson, 16), referring to Peter's role in the salvation of Cornelius.
My questions arise from the passage in Acts 10 itself. It begins with stating that Cornelius and his whole family were God-fearing and devout. Cornelius then has a vision from God and follows it. When Peter arrives at Cornelius' house Peter states "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right" (Acts 10:34-35). Peter then states that Cornelius knows the message God sent to the people of Israel and retells the short version of Jesus Christ. Then he confirms that he (and his companions) were witnesses of Christ Jesus. It was while Peter was speaking that the Holy Spirit came over the Gentiles. "The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles" (Acts 10:45). My question is whether Acts 10 is about the Jewish followers needing to understand that Gentiles could be endowed with the Holy Spirit or whether it is about the fact that Gentiles could be endowed with the Holy Spirit. To my eyes it seems as if God was stripping away at the Jewish perception of who could be saved rather than opening the flood gates to the Gentiles. Is it not possible that salvation was opened to the Gentiles prior?
What about the faith of the Canaanite Woman? In Matthew 15 we see a Canaanite woman come to Jesus and ask for mercy from Jesus and for Jesus to heal her demon possessed daughter. Jesus tries to shoo her away stating that he was only sent to the lost sheep of Israel (presumably the Jews). When Jesus tells her it isn't right that the children's bread be given to the dogs, but the woman persists that even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the master's table. Jesus praises her faith and grants her prayer. Doesn't Matthew 15 show that salvation was at hand for all who had faith, not just the Jews?
What about the story of Ruth. When Orpah returns to Moab to her people and her gods (Ruth 1:15) Ruth claims your people will be my people and your God my God (Ruth 1:16). Ruth being a Moabite isn't a lost sheep of Israel, but a lost sheep of Moab. Her salvation through the remainder of the book, isn't that a portrait of salvation being extended to all humanity rather than just to the Jews?
Again, I don't profess to have answers, just thoughts on the spiritual genealogy of non-Jewish Christians going back exclusively to Cornelius. I may be wrong, but I am just thinking aloud.
Batterson uses fairly typical modern church language, i.e. "And when you pray to God regularly, irregular things happen on a regular basis" (Batterson, 15). I have to fight the cynicism that naturally creeps up in it. Since my wife and I are doing this devotion together I have to redouble my efforts to keep her from following me down my natural inclination. The message is good, but it sounds very much pastoral, not in a good way, but in a Youth Pastor type of way that comes off as cheesy sound bytes after a game of laser tag at the Lock-In. That's my cynicism coming out. I'm praying for discipline. I'm praying to get out of the seat of mockers. Flowery language aside I am praying that God will take us (my wife and I) places we cannot even imagine. I want to get ready.
"If you establish a prayer routine, your life will be anything but routine... You don't need to seek opportunity. All you have to do is seek God. And if you seek God, opportunity will seek you" (Batterson, 19). Rhetorical games aside, I do in fact, chase opportunity. I might not always see my chase through to the logical conclusion, stopping either out of realization that the opportunity is a trap, getting sidetracked by another opportunity or becoming bored by the chase, but I chase opportunity nonetheless. I don't always seek God. I want to though. I want to seek Him. In that I need patience. I need discipline. I'm praying for discipline. Speaking of rhetorical games, I'm noticing I fall into patterns as well. My cynicism is hypocritical as well.
Batterson tells us that we must seek first his Kingdom; do God's will God's way. That is obviously biblical. I heard it in my sleep all last night - children singing "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" in round fashion. Thank you Psalty the Singing Song Book! I mean this both sarcastically and honestly. The song won't leave my head, which is a bit annoying. But alleluia! His words are written on my heart, even when my flesh belies it.
What I came away from this devotional is that I do desperately want to seek first the Kingdom of God. But, when Erin and I prayed last night I asked that she pray for me to know what seeking first the Kingdom of God looked like in my life practically. I want to get ready. I want to be ready. I pray the patience and discipline to be ready when he calls. I pray to know what seeking first the Kingdom of God looks like and that I have the wherewithal to do it.
On a side note in this passage it makes me think a little theologically. Not that I'm an expert, nor that it is important but I question the statement "If you're a non-Jewish follower of Jesus, your spiritual genealogy traces back to this genesis moment" (Batterson, 16), referring to Peter's role in the salvation of Cornelius.
My questions arise from the passage in Acts 10 itself. It begins with stating that Cornelius and his whole family were God-fearing and devout. Cornelius then has a vision from God and follows it. When Peter arrives at Cornelius' house Peter states "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right" (Acts 10:34-35). Peter then states that Cornelius knows the message God sent to the people of Israel and retells the short version of Jesus Christ. Then he confirms that he (and his companions) were witnesses of Christ Jesus. It was while Peter was speaking that the Holy Spirit came over the Gentiles. "The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles" (Acts 10:45). My question is whether Acts 10 is about the Jewish followers needing to understand that Gentiles could be endowed with the Holy Spirit or whether it is about the fact that Gentiles could be endowed with the Holy Spirit. To my eyes it seems as if God was stripping away at the Jewish perception of who could be saved rather than opening the flood gates to the Gentiles. Is it not possible that salvation was opened to the Gentiles prior?
What about the faith of the Canaanite Woman? In Matthew 15 we see a Canaanite woman come to Jesus and ask for mercy from Jesus and for Jesus to heal her demon possessed daughter. Jesus tries to shoo her away stating that he was only sent to the lost sheep of Israel (presumably the Jews). When Jesus tells her it isn't right that the children's bread be given to the dogs, but the woman persists that even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the master's table. Jesus praises her faith and grants her prayer. Doesn't Matthew 15 show that salvation was at hand for all who had faith, not just the Jews?
What about the story of Ruth. When Orpah returns to Moab to her people and her gods (Ruth 1:15) Ruth claims your people will be my people and your God my God (Ruth 1:16). Ruth being a Moabite isn't a lost sheep of Israel, but a lost sheep of Moab. Her salvation through the remainder of the book, isn't that a portrait of salvation being extended to all humanity rather than just to the Jews?
Again, I don't profess to have answers, just thoughts on the spiritual genealogy of non-Jewish Christians going back exclusively to Cornelius. I may be wrong, but I am just thinking aloud.
Augustine of Hippo - Sermo LI (A)
So begins again my intellectual pursuits and as they entangle (rightly so) with the pursuit of God. My discipline in both of these as of late has been lacking. But, I will return with gusto (for now) in both and I pray that I can impose a self-discipline now at 31 that was imposed upon me in my early years by others. In short, it's time to grow up and pursue things appropriate to my age. This scares me and I still cling to the frivolous pleasures of my youth - video games, copious amounts of alcohol, tobacco and a general lack of focus that has plagued me for a long while but is now rearing up in formidable fashion. What always compounds them though is my inherent and childish way of hiding these things and lying to cover up my trips into excess. These then have caused me numerous problems before and I have sworn things off time and time again (though in more private settings). But, it could be worse right? I could have sworn things off to all of my friends and quasi-friends and acquaintances from yesteryear via Facebook. Here at least, I'm swearing moderation to anonymity (or as I stated in my first post, to my later self as the only reader of this blog).
I fear at 31 now I have long denied myself of becoming an adult for fear of losing who I am. I don't necessarily want to be a man-child, but I want to still have enjoyment - even the mindless kind. I have this general malaise about being an adult. Maybe it is a fear of a greater responsibility; maybe it is a fear of the unknown. Maybe it is something else entirely that I haven't yet thought of. Either way when I think of growing up I come to a verse that really scares me:
1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways, behind me."
I have become a man. I've accepted, at least in theory manhood. I have a pretty good job and it is career oriented. It's too many hours, but I'm putting in the groundwork for something better. More importantly, I've convinced somebody that I am not only a man, but a man worth marrying. We've been married now for over two years. Unfortunately, I have not yet put my childish ways behind me. I still reason like a child - I lie to cover up my faults. My faults are bad enough, the lying redoubles the sin.
But, things are beginning again anew (or I'm attempting the reset) and so I started with Augustine and his works. I could've gone with City of God or Confessions, but instead I started with "Sermons to The People" translated by William Griffin because it's less daunting. I want to build up a head of steam moving into this new venture so I can accomplish something and feel spurred on by it. I'm praying for Discipline; I haven't yet achieved it.
I worked a little bit later than I had intended last night so I was only able to read the foreword and a section of Sermo LI. But a couple phrases in the small bit of Sermo LI stood out to me.
First, Augustine is noting that the church is less full on this occasion because it's not a feast day on the liturgical calendar, just a normal day and it's "right smack in the middle of the December gladiatorial schedule" (Griffin, 4). He goes on to note that while he could pound the skipping parishioners for choosing entertainment over coming to church he instead notes that they should pray for both the present and absent congregations' sake without any distraction.
Smack in the middle of December I am at my busiest with work. I barely felt the Christmas season at all. I knew something was wrong and it may have sparked my most recent battle with alcohol. Or it could be that I am rewriting my own history in hindsight. But, I (and most modern people) live a busy life and the exhortation to "pray to God without distractions of any kind" (Griffin, 5) is something that I need to take to heart.
He goes on with the gladiator games theme to say how the spectators always come out of the games in sorrow. First, they come out bad if their favorite loses. Second, they come out worse if there favorite has won. But the worst outcome is this "Worst, they'd be thrice beaten; addicted to the amphitheater, enmeshed in Vain Joy, impaled on the trident of Cheap Greed" (Griffin, 8). I feel after reading this passage, thrice beaten - addicted to the games that bring me momentary pleasure but end up impaling me with my own shortsightedness. But, Augustine offers hope nonetheless. He goes on to state that many of those in the congregation had chosen church over the games and thus defeated the temptation and the Devil himself. This is possible only because Christ had allowed himself to be tempted by the Devil and had overcome him. As followers of Christ it is possible to overcome temptation and the Devil, and the proof was the congregation present that day. That is hopeful.
I fear at 31 now I have long denied myself of becoming an adult for fear of losing who I am. I don't necessarily want to be a man-child, but I want to still have enjoyment - even the mindless kind. I have this general malaise about being an adult. Maybe it is a fear of a greater responsibility; maybe it is a fear of the unknown. Maybe it is something else entirely that I haven't yet thought of. Either way when I think of growing up I come to a verse that really scares me:
1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways, behind me."
I have become a man. I've accepted, at least in theory manhood. I have a pretty good job and it is career oriented. It's too many hours, but I'm putting in the groundwork for something better. More importantly, I've convinced somebody that I am not only a man, but a man worth marrying. We've been married now for over two years. Unfortunately, I have not yet put my childish ways behind me. I still reason like a child - I lie to cover up my faults. My faults are bad enough, the lying redoubles the sin.
But, things are beginning again anew (or I'm attempting the reset) and so I started with Augustine and his works. I could've gone with City of God or Confessions, but instead I started with "Sermons to The People" translated by William Griffin because it's less daunting. I want to build up a head of steam moving into this new venture so I can accomplish something and feel spurred on by it. I'm praying for Discipline; I haven't yet achieved it.
I worked a little bit later than I had intended last night so I was only able to read the foreword and a section of Sermo LI. But a couple phrases in the small bit of Sermo LI stood out to me.
First, Augustine is noting that the church is less full on this occasion because it's not a feast day on the liturgical calendar, just a normal day and it's "right smack in the middle of the December gladiatorial schedule" (Griffin, 4). He goes on to note that while he could pound the skipping parishioners for choosing entertainment over coming to church he instead notes that they should pray for both the present and absent congregations' sake without any distraction.
Smack in the middle of December I am at my busiest with work. I barely felt the Christmas season at all. I knew something was wrong and it may have sparked my most recent battle with alcohol. Or it could be that I am rewriting my own history in hindsight. But, I (and most modern people) live a busy life and the exhortation to "pray to God without distractions of any kind" (Griffin, 5) is something that I need to take to heart.
He goes on with the gladiator games theme to say how the spectators always come out of the games in sorrow. First, they come out bad if their favorite loses. Second, they come out worse if there favorite has won. But the worst outcome is this "Worst, they'd be thrice beaten; addicted to the amphitheater, enmeshed in Vain Joy, impaled on the trident of Cheap Greed" (Griffin, 8). I feel after reading this passage, thrice beaten - addicted to the games that bring me momentary pleasure but end up impaling me with my own shortsightedness. But, Augustine offers hope nonetheless. He goes on to state that many of those in the congregation had chosen church over the games and thus defeated the temptation and the Devil himself. This is possible only because Christ had allowed himself to be tempted by the Devil and had overcome him. As followers of Christ it is possible to overcome temptation and the Devil, and the proof was the congregation present that day. That is hopeful.
Introduction
This blog is about the thirteenth or so installment of a collection of my thoughts. I seem to always be in the habit of retooling and restarting but this time (as I've said eleven or so times before) I will see the work out and keep it all under the same roof. The topics here will range from all sorts of things. I have more interests than I have time and more quick bursts of energy than patience. Some day if I ever develop the patience I'm going to use this as a resource to put some collected thoughts into essays or books. Hence, why you'll notice a near Byzantine obsession with the labeling system. Sorry if it makes you poor souls who happened to stumble upon this blog suffer some sort of vortex that pulls you deep into the depths of my ramblings. But, since this is rather unlikely as I sincerely doubt much traffic at this little provincial blog, I may simply be apologizing to a future version of my self.
But, if you don't happen to be my later existence, welcome to my mind. This blog will be more of a stream of consciousness than a systematizing collection of my beliefs. But, since I'm employing that Byzantine like administrative detail to my labeling system the stream of consciousness you see here is actually aimed at creating a systemic belief and value system. As such, this blog may contain - will likely contain contrarian positions that were it a synthesis it would be rendered internally inconsistent. But, ideas, values and beliefs evolve over time and that synthesis may never actually materialize and I may simply have to live in that scary stream of consciousness as a walking, breathing ball of contradictions.
I hope you enjoy a post or two. Some may be longer frameworks for essays. Some may be thoughts of the day either taken from my daily readings and observations in the here and now, or thoughts of the day taken from my journals dating back to the early oughts. That's just a lofty way of saying that somewhere in my mess of writings I have thoughts and other things from at least as early as 2005, when I was a bright-eyed naive 21 year-old, unstained yet by my experience. There will also be incomprehensible notes from college classes that I will enter in as close to verbatim as I wrote while in the classes. I say as close as possible because there may be sections where my handwriting was so poor and my shorthand so odd that I might have to piece together a few sections that may end up being re-scribed incorrectly.
But, anyway I hope it gives you enjoyment, spurs your interests and sparks you to undertake a more comprehensive study of the world.
But, if you don't happen to be my later existence, welcome to my mind. This blog will be more of a stream of consciousness than a systematizing collection of my beliefs. But, since I'm employing that Byzantine like administrative detail to my labeling system the stream of consciousness you see here is actually aimed at creating a systemic belief and value system. As such, this blog may contain - will likely contain contrarian positions that were it a synthesis it would be rendered internally inconsistent. But, ideas, values and beliefs evolve over time and that synthesis may never actually materialize and I may simply have to live in that scary stream of consciousness as a walking, breathing ball of contradictions.
I hope you enjoy a post or two. Some may be longer frameworks for essays. Some may be thoughts of the day either taken from my daily readings and observations in the here and now, or thoughts of the day taken from my journals dating back to the early oughts. That's just a lofty way of saying that somewhere in my mess of writings I have thoughts and other things from at least as early as 2005, when I was a bright-eyed naive 21 year-old, unstained yet by my experience. There will also be incomprehensible notes from college classes that I will enter in as close to verbatim as I wrote while in the classes. I say as close as possible because there may be sections where my handwriting was so poor and my shorthand so odd that I might have to piece together a few sections that may end up being re-scribed incorrectly.
But, anyway I hope it gives you enjoyment, spurs your interests and sparks you to undertake a more comprehensive study of the world.
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