The Saint and His Dog

Originally written July 24, 2010

It would be a funny story to have a group of friends get into a cab while stoned. The guy in the front should be the worst. The dashboard bobbing dog would attack him after he has a telepathic conversation with a saint airfreshner. He retells the story, "and then that cute, little dog of the saint's jumped off the dash and bit my nose. Naturally I screamed. The cabbie jumped out of his skin, got all pissed and kicked us out.

The Saint's Dog

Brown and White
Maybe a bulldog
But looks friendlier with pinkish, rosy cheeks.
Large black pupills with a greyish eye color. Never takes its eyes off me. Makes me nervous.
Gold chain collar, like some cheap Gucci knock off.

I can stare into its stomach because the head isn't attached.

It's long neck sways his head from side to side (eyes still looking at me). Bump. Head nods with the bump.

It's silence makes me nervous. It knows I'm looking at its gutless innards. It doesn't like it.

The Saint suggests I pet it to make it more comfortable. I do it. The Cabbie yells. Saint and dog go silent. I stare intently at the dog's stomach. It bends its head down to block my view. Eyes ever on me. Saint warns me against it. Saint is protected. He's got a sword. I've got nada. Dog growls. I look at the Saint. He is silent. I look at the Cabbie. Cabbie looks at me. "What the hell is your problem". Pause. "I'll kill you if you puke in here. Is he gonna puke cause if he pukes it's all your asses. I swear to God..." Dog jumps off and bites me. I scream. Laughter and confusion in the backseat. Cabbie is swearing and slamming on his breaks. Boys piling out of back seat. Can't get the seat belt undone. Cabbie yelling. Doors open. Seat belt off. I push the dog. Cabbie screams more. Getting pulled out of the car door. Cabbie is swearing at and slapping at me. Dog's growling. Saint yelling to be rescued. I look the Cabbie dead in the eye. Then I look at the dog. The Cabbie protects the hound of hell. I reach in as fast as I can and rescue Saint and his perch. Cabbie swears more. Laughter. Running away. Saint smiles at me Thanks me.

Note from 9/18/19: I'm not sure if this was originally supposed to be a Joseph Flanagan story or not.