The Introduction of Mark Switzer

Originally written July 20, 2010

3. Introduction of Mark Switzer

Mark Thomas Switzer had become the epitome of the apologetic male in the 21st century America. His tail hung beneath his legs and the fiersome wildness that had once defined him was but a shameful memory now. in short, Mark had become domesticated. For awhile it seemed as if Felicia had merely caged the bear, but after a few months he was riding a little tricycle and juggling with a cute pointed hat on his neatly trimmed head. Her success in taming Mark was so profound and so complete that it seemed natural and Mark had not only stopped fighting it, but had embraced it. To the casual observer it seemed Mark's natural disposition, but to Joseph it produced and uneasy feeling like seeing a person whose sex cannot be ascertained - that feeling one has when they debate internally over whether or not they should be attracted to it. However terrible the long lasting effects of turning men into apologizing dandies may be indeterminable at the moment in America. The next fifty years will tell us if the novo homo is a good thing, but in Mark's case the domestication was not only a good thing, it was essential for his very survival.

Mark met Joseph on the first day of college. The two were both literary criticism majors at the school Joseph's dad taught at. The two could not have been more dissimilar. While Joseph fretted over the innumerable variables that could effect the outcome of any and all situations, Mark acted on impulses only. Surprisingly the two became best friends in an incredibly short time, which proved invaluable to both. They acted as a counter balance to one another - a virtual ying to yang relationship. This wonderful checks and balances situation, when it worked, saved both of them on more than one occassion. Unfortunately, the two were equally stubborn so occassionally this system broke down and disaster ensued.

After becoming fast friends Mark convinced Joseph to tag along to an upper class mixer. Like most of their ventures the resultes were rather mixed. Both Mark and Joseph achieved the loss every boy prays for that night, but the night also ended with both, individually needing to sneak across campus without garments to get back to the freshman dorm. The two discussed their exploits and demise - the next day and swore a solemn oath to never bring up the event again. This incident remains one of the very few sacrosanct parts of their lives pardoned from the intense ridicule and humiliation that they regularly visited upon one another.

For all of college and the sum of their brief adult lives the two were best friends. Yet despite this Joseph knew very little of Mark's past. It wasn't that Mark hid anything from his friend just that his outlook was so immediate it excluded not only the thought of future consequences, but his entire life's past. Joseph knew that Mark was from Periora, Illinois. He knew that Mark had a number of siblings. He had met at least two when he visited Mark over one summer and had seen an old family picture of Mark's mom and twelve kids. Mark's dad lived in Georgia, but that was about the total of all Mark had ever said of his family. To Joseph it seemed as if Mark's existence had begun in late August of 2001 when they started college. Mark seemed content with this as well.

One morning during the second semester of their freshman year Mark had woken much earlier than normal. It was still dark out and Mark decided that he would venture for breakfast for the first time all year. Walking to the dining commons he enjoyed the cool April breeze and contemplated the momentary joy he found in solitude. But as the cool April breeze progressed into a bitter last stand for the misery of winter Mark lost all the newfound joy in solitary contemplation and began to hurry to breakfast.

Arriving at 6:02 he was one of the first students to eat that morning. He wasked down the stairs to the buffet style cafetira lines and looked over the morning choices. A sigh of despair escaped his now re-tired mouth and he was ready to forgo this early morning experience when he discovered the waffle machine.

It wasn't exactly the waffle machine that so enticed him, although a craving for this breakfast treat soon arrived in his stomach. it was the waffle machine attendant that so caught his fancy that for a moment he stood transfixed, gazing longingly at the waffle girl.

In his mind he began to swagger over towards the vacant spot in front of her station. As he sauntered in a studly gait the woman began to smile. When he arrived he spoke magnificent words in a rich tone of voice that no 19 year-old boy possesses. The verbage and quality of voice was so powerful, so majestic that the buttons of the waffles girl's blouse undid themselves.

Two perfectly shaped breasts unfolded from the waffle girl's shirt and set with erect nipples pointed directly at Mark. Noticing her exposed self she simled coyly and took the whip cream bottle and covered her dime sized nipples. Without a word she motioned for Mark to partake of the morning delicacy that the frecnh call creme de tit. Mark willingly oblighed the young waffle girl.

But while this fantasy was playing out in Mark's consciousness his subconscious had been been directing his feet towards the waffle girl. For a moment the physically present Mark was noticably absent to the waffle girl. She waited patiently as Mark's focus shifted from fantasy to real world.

After a strange exchange Mark walked away with an undercooked waffle topped with strawberryesque red sticky liquid and seven number scrawled on his hand. The waffle girl would soon become the tenth conquest of Mark's freshman year.

In dealing with women the two friends differed in style and success rate. Mark took a very forward approach to women whereas Joseph constantly looked for a backdoor. However, who was more successful in their early college years is still debated.

Mark had completed his tenth bedquest by the end of his third date with the waffle girl. Within the week of this date Joseph and his girlfriend (Dusty) were breaking up. Joseph and Dusty had begun dating in December and although Joseph enjoyed the idea of dating had lost complete interest in Dusty by March. However, like most men he had found it difficult to end a relationship that provided the regular installment of the ultiment benefit (of course, meaning the emotional attachment). But as summer was approaching Joseph found himself unceremoniously dumped after an expensive date.

But as previously stated the two disagreed to who was more successful. (Argument of quantity vs. quality).