A New Year

So, 2017 is upon us. Last year was not what I would call a vintage year. I experienced a little bit of trauma, to put it mildly. Couple that with the fact that said trauma was self-inflicted and we have a recipe for a double manifestation that is wholly unappealing. Inwardly I become self-loathing and trap myself in a vicious cycle that only produces more bad decisions and thus, more self-loathing. Outwardly, I mask it with a self-righteous haughtiness that is very unattractive. However, after a very rough patch of months things seemed to stabilize a bit and is looking up. Of course I battle the old demons, but they aren't going anywhere anytime soon anyway. A new year brings a new opportunity and I'm excited about it. However, that is the work world and this is my intellectual world and sadly I haven't found a way to combine the two as of yet.

As for the intellectual world that this here blog represents, I have a number of goals. Firstly, it is to finish the digitizing project of all my notebooks. It's not glamorous; it's not fun. But, once completed it should guide me on further studies and if I ever do get around to writing anything of note, I'll have some foundations to stand on. Secondly, I'm going to read 55 books this year. I think I can do about 70, but I'm setting the goal at 55. I did 50 last year and I figured an increase of 10% is a good goal. If I do however hit 70 this year, 77 will be a lofty goal for 2018. Thirdly, I'm going to do A Year With C.S. Lewis: Daily Readings from His Classic Works as a way of becoming God-focused. I should do more; but, this is a tangible goal for me to set and achieve. Hopefully, I will be open to guidance from Him as I go through this book and I'll expand my religious life as well as my intellectual one.

Today's reading is entitled Supposing We Really Found Him?

Lewis writes, "There comes a moment when people who have been dabbling in religion ('Man's search for God!') suddenly draw back. Supposing we really found Him? We never meant it to come to that! Worse still, supposing He has found us?" (Lewis, 3). I have been dabbling in religion all my life and I am confident that I am saved and redeemed through Jesus Christ. But, I do understand that thought process - I never meant it to come to that. I also understand that seeker's hope to find an impersonal God or better, "a subjective God of beauty, truth and goodness, inside our own heads". The realness of God is something that I've experienced. It's something I can't deny. I've felt Him. He found me. But, lately I've been dabbling in religion as a mental exercise. I want that God who is truth and goodness; he doesn't even have to be subjective. Personally, I'm more apt to want a universal God who is personal in concept only. But, I want to seek God on the real level. It's much more fulfilling to find him (or rather be found by Him) on that personal level than on the intellectual level. I'll approach this as vulnerable as I can and try not to put God into a Chris-head-shaped-box through this journey. But, God I'm asking you to come and meet me this year. Reawaken my desire for you on a more visceral level than my intellectual one.