Sarcasm. Sometimes I say things sarcastically and let it linger so that the other person doesn't know if I'm being sarcastic or not. Sometimes I do this unintentionally. I assume that they know me well enough to understand the intended sarcasm. I'll say something without the proper sarcastic voice tone and simply assume that they will understand that what I am saying is meant to be taken ironically because of the absurdity of the comment. The unfortunate thing is that the other person doesn't catch the sarcasm. Sometimes this is because they don't get it. Most of the times though it is because the person hearing my sarcasm does not know me well enough to get my irony. That happens often. I don't include enough back story for them to get my joke. But, that is often because my jokes are often meant to be self-amusement and if you happen to be in on it than you are fortunate to be on my level.
My wife does not often get my sarcasm. But, that is often for a different reason entirely. I say more ridiculous and outlandish things to her than I do to most people, other than to myself (which others often hear because most of the time that I am talking I am doing so to amuse myself rather than to convey information to another). However, even the amount of absurd claims and desires I profess to here are insignificant to the number of ideas that I keep locked away internally so that I am not locked away externally, literally or metaphorically speaking. But, I digress. The point is that often people don't get my sarcasm because I haven't given them enough space to understand that I'm being sarcastic. This is because I treat every sarcastic comment equally regardless of who happens to hear that comment. I assume they will understand the backstory. Often they don't because they have no possible way of knowing the backstory. This leads to awkward situations. I get some amusement out of the awkwardness.
If someone were to understand the entirety of my sarcasm they would have to know me very well, much better than the strangers I am often sarcastic with. Or, they would have to be with me at all points in my life to understand the necessary context into which my sarcastic jigsaw puzzle pieces often fit. Even then they would struggle to make the necessary connections because my mind works in ways that I can't always explain. The connections necessary to make sense of my sarcastic comments are often incongruous and illogical. But, they are my illogical, incongruous system. I understand it.
Other times I am vague in my declarations. This way if I see the conversation going sideways or slantways towards an avenue I don't have any intention of taking I can claim sarcasm and allow people into the context in which that comment can be taken sarcastically. Sometimes this is to allow myself to save face and shy away from the embarrassing words that have just come out of my mouth. Sometimes it is because the words have escaped my mouth before I have deemed them sarcastic or sincere. They float around in the ether as I ponder their meaning and tone. This leads to some uncomfortable and awkward silences. It produces a double laughter in me as I find amusement in awkwardness and I laugh when I am nervous. It is a vicious cycle because my nervous laughter often produces more awkwardness and the double laughter effect is amplified again and again until I am in the midst of a self-satisfying giggle fest.
I am however a relatively nice person. You simply need to understand the context and you'll agree that I'm relatively nice. However, I don't intend on giving you goal posts to measure my niceness so you'll have to come up with your own scale. Just remember, I'm relatively nice. What I'm trying to say in a long-winded way is that I'm vague only every so often and then not in a vicious way (mostly). Much of the lack of comprehension of my sarcasm comes because I, intentionally or otherwise, fail to provide enough context for someone to understand it as such. As I said before you would have to know me exceptionally well to catch all of my sarcasm because it is a bundle of innuendo and inside jokes. But even then you still might not catch all of my sarcasm. In fact, some times I'm not even sure if what I said was sarcastic or not.
Take for example the previous blog post. In it I was giving a play-by-play announcement of a classical concert. It is entirely possible that I was taking short-hand because I had to do an assignment for some class. It is also as likely that I was making a mockery of being forced to go to this concert by some person at the time. But, it is equally conceivable that I wasn't being sarcastic or forced to attend the concert for a school assignment. It is entirely possible that I was attempting to give an assessment of the concert using terrible cliches such as, "Triumphant. Exuberant, inspiring finale", and, "Masterful".
Who the hell does this 22 year-old, pretentious twat think he is? But if it was intended as sarcastic, I can picture that 22 year old kid laughing at his 32 year old counterpart hysterically. And then of course there is the option that the 22 year-old me was writing his opinions intentionally vague and experimenting with high-society language so that if he were to receive criticism he could claim sarcasm to save face. Or, if his silly language had been accepted he would have basked in the praise. And, if I had figured it out ten years ago I would have done both of these depending on whether the other party was laughing at or praising the words.
Alas, I find myself flummoxed. I don't know if it was sarcastic. The sentences and phrasing were rather awkward. Maybe that amused me at the time. Maybe it was just an experiment. It obviously wasn't an impactful one because I surely don't remember writing it. Maybe it was intentionally done that way so that the 22 year-old version of me could laugh at the 32 year-old version of me. I simply don't know. What I do know is that there is a story somewhere in all of this waiting to be carved out.
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