Assessment of my notes on Rand

In June - July 2006 I was reading Ayn Rand's The Virtue of Selfishness. I was also big on my "Quest for Knowledge" which was my personal maxim of looking at everything (I shudder to use the word in light of Rand's usage) objectively and gleaning truth from it. I most certainly didn't look at Rand from an objective standpoint. I probably should go back and read more of her work. But, In the past nine and a half years I think I have at least read some of her works again (we'll find out if I took any notes or if they survive). At the time I was throwing around the big boy words I was learning in my philosophy classes and practicing my own little word games to trap Rand in her words. Thankfully, I didn't use the phrase 'existentially repugnant', which was a personal favorite of mine for a mercifully short time. But that essence was there.

That said, I find much of the ethical framework of Rand's to be morally backwards. I do think that she praised what ought not to be praised and despised that which should not be despised. It lends itself nicely to a depraved form of (using a word that I seemed particularly fond of at the time of my notes) megalomania. But, I have to ask for forgiveness because at the time I was still learning politics and hadn't yet matured into my own brand of political thought. I was massively addicted to the 24-hour news cycle at the time and a particular fan of Hannity & Colmes. I cheered Hannity and jeered Colmes. In essence I was whipped up by the rhetoric and fell right into the trap they laid for me. I didn't realize until later how much of a farce this fair & balanced show was. But, it was in this educational indoctrination that I found myself after having yelled at a book suddenly nodding along when it came to Rand's political philosophy of unadulterated laissez-faire capitalism. In light of maturity, I no longer watch Hannity (or really any of the 24-hour news cycle, realizing now that it is all entertainment based on the Jerry Springer model of debasing humanity for our pleasure, without the almost redemptive bit of Springer's little morale at the end of each show).

While my political leanings put me much more squarely in the center, I haven't abandoned my conservative roots. I find that I need to say that I doubt I would nod along with Rand's political theories any longer. Her arguments against Collectivism were one thing I think that I nodded along with as they were an attack on racism (something which needs to be attacked). Then I provided my little wit and word play (like the Sophist I am working to grow out of) to attack her 'racism', which was unfair (it would more rightly have been called a classism). But, I think coming from a more experienced standpoint I could read the book and glean a bit more now. I still think I might yell at it though.

However, Nathaniel Branden's essay The Psychology of Pleasure stood out for me about his assessment of of looking at work. My notes said:

"Work which can be looked upon in various ways:
1) one can find profound pleasure in work and will never cease to learn, to think and to achieve.
2) One can find pleasure in working in routines and enjoy a daze-like life. He sees happiness as being free from challenge. He has low self-esteem
3) One who cannot find pleasure in work and works only for money to buy pleasures that shut off consciousness.
4) Those who do not work productively but seek to destroy others as pleasure. They are parasites who live off the work of others"

At 22, I really didn't know what productive work was. I was young, enthusiastic and full of energy. Even when I did dead-end jobs it didn't matter because everything was new. Now at 32 I understand a bit more. Thankfully, I have never experienced 4. But the other three I have known at various stages in my career. Unfortunately I have fallen prey to the trap of 3 now twice.

Ostensibly, the purpose of this blog is to gather all of my notes together so I can write books and draw on my past knowledge and experiences. What I'm learning in doing this is that it's simply a continuation of the aforementioned 'quest for knowledge'. I'm not as bright-eyed as I once was. I'm not as innocent and have lived a bit more than I would have liked at this point in my life. There is a creeping cynicism that crops up now and then, sometimes more viciously than others. I'm not calling it such a lofty thing as the 'quest for knowledge' although I tamely called the last bit of information in my notebook 3 something like 'my little theory of everything'. It was somewhat sarcastic, but I might still have those flashes of grandeur underneath my cynicism that crop up as well from time to time. So, I guess in my assessing my notes on Rand I've come to the conclusions that I've forgotten some of what I've learned, I probably should read the book again and that I need to do productive work in a way that I find pleasure in it, ceaselessly learning, thinking and as humbly as I can put it, achieving. I need to write those books that are plaguing my mind. I need to get out of the mindset of taking on pleasures that shut off consciousness. These are too short-lived and have far too great of consequences to continue to pursue with such verve.