The story of Caligula is a pretty famous one, as he is somewhat famous for being somewhat notorious, to put it mildly. I've always enjoyed Roman History, but when I discovered Mike Duncan's now (sadly) finished podcast when I was living in the Dominican Republic some seven or eight years ago (I don't remember when I started listening, but it wasn't at the beginning of his run, but it was before Julius Caesar appeared on the scene) it rekindled an early childhood fascination with all things Roman. If you haven't checked out that podcast or his newer one and like history than you don't know anything about podcasts. Figure out what a podcast is and go check it out. But, after that incredible turn to the left let's try and steer back on to the matter at hand - Caligula.
Suetonius didn't paint a very good picture of Caligula in the little book as most of it is negative. But, if I didn't have any knowledge of Caligula prior to reading it I wouldn't have really expected it to have gone so badly. There's a lot of nice things about him and his father Germanicus in the first little bit, but then Suetonius slides in this nugget of a sentence: "So much for Gaius the Emperor; the rest of this history must needs deal with Gaius the Monster" (Suetonius, 21). Ouch! Must Needs. Must.
Right after Suetonius takes this must needs turn he reveals that Caligula has some of the better statues of all the famous gods in Greece brought to Rome where he has their heads removed and busts of his own as their replacement. I would condemn this behavior, but if you've ever been on my Instagram feed you may have seen this:
That's my head on a god statue in the Parthenon. (Unfortunately, its the lifesize replica in Tennessee). SO, I say we go ahead and give Caligula a pass on that one - agreed?
Caligula might have been a madman, egotistical, debauched and petulantly cruel, but he had a pretty astute sense of politics going on for awhile. "He often quoted the tragic line 'Let them hate me, so long as they fear me'" (Suetonius, 32). If you're not going to be loved as a despotic ruler, which most times you aren't, you might as well go whole hog on it and strike fear in the hearts of everyone. Sometimes, as with the case of Caligula, it doesn't pan out in the long-run. But there have been a whole bunch of vicious despots that died peacefully in their bed.
The problem with Caligula (aside from the obvious awfulness of his soul) was that as a despotic tyrant one must needs be paranoid because even if every one is deathly afraid of you, if the right opportunity presents itself somebody is going to take it, but Caligula took the paranoia to a whole new kind of crazy level. And he didn't have the foresight to let some people have small victories here and there to ensure loyalty. "In short, however low anyone's fortune or condition might be, Gaius always found some cause for envy" (Suetonius, 37).
But you can't blame the guy for being that way totally. Nature dealt him a pretty rough hand, even if fortune did not. He got to be the most powerful man in the Roman world on the merits of his dad. But, then his dad died. So fortune favored him. Nature wasn't so kind as he ended up turning out to be bald and hairy. It made him insecure and when naturally inclined guys get insecure they tend to lash out. Most don't end up becoming as bad as Caligula; but, I believe that is solely because they don't have the tools to lash out properly like Caligula had. But, Caligula was so insecure about this unfortunate mix up of where his hair ought to have been, "he announced that it was a capital offence for anyone to look down on him as he passed or to mention goats in any context" (Suetonius, 50-51). That's pretty insecure.
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